He is coming out later... yeah! Somtimes, i wonder, his POP is not even over, I still have so many more lonely months to carry on myself. I hope I can be better.

Its Christmas soon, then I have to think about my trip in feb, my boy's birthday, Vdae presents... OMG, seriously, how am I going to think abt the presents for him. What to give him? Ya boy, i know u will want to know what I plan to give you.

So soon, its your 21st birthday. i promised u before, i will pei u for the birthday. Your 21st leh, can tell me what you want? Xbox 360? New Laptop? New Portable Harddisk? or what?

I hope to make urs a special unique one.

I just received an email, from NP Sch of BA, from the alumni, class 2007 graduates gathering. Cool, its on the 8th Dec. i shall plan to see if I can make it. Cross fingers, I hope i can. pray hard! Shall see if boy is going or not.

I am watching a show now, underage teenage girl pregnant with her bf, and they left home to keep the child. Its a nice sad story. At least she is brave enough. I always admire these girls, at least, they never regret their decision. But the girl is so poor thing, the boy left her alone, and still says she is troublesom. Guys are always lidat, b4 marriage say one thing, after is another.

Working is damn tiring....I want to enjoy life! Chee yang went overseas today, Don going tml. My poor weekend... Lucky, initally wanted me to go meeting, den in the end dun nid to go.

I also want go overseas also. Haiz... Its damn hard. Cant even go for my salsa dance.

I had gotten permission from don, to do my laser operation again, in Jan 2008. Xav is kind to lend me his crutches, but, got his arm pit smells, eeee! But thanks man. At least, i dont need to hop ard the club or walk bare footed on the road. :)


I shall got redang with jov in Feb. She has a new bf alrd. Glad u have moved on. :)

I want to watch Enchanted! Hope i have got time.
I want my operation soon. My corn is killing me.

Although my boy dint celebrate with me, though i very much would like him to go through my 3rd birthday with him, but I still have an enjoyable day yesterday.

My besties, due to work and exams, are forgiven for not being able to make it. hey girls, u gers own me one.

My colleagues came, my sis's frenz came. Her frenz came, and lend me use the nintendo. Damn fun. I shall buy nintendo.

Thanks to those colleagues to attended:

Mr Sim, Ping, Clara, Rose, James Lim, Jamie, Chris, Huzaini, Jov, Don, Cheeyang, Uncle Stephen.

And my aunt, my parents who helped me in this. :)

Although Vin failed to give me a very big surprise, coz I guessed it, but my colleagues gave me some pleasant surprises. I love the camera vin gave me, though not the colour which I wanted, but, it is cool black.

Happy 28th mth, boy! Sorry, was damn busy ytd to talk to u very long on the phone. My birthday wish dat i made... was related to you. Hope it will come true.


Was browing friendster, saw comments from some friends wishing me. Thanks.

With all the food I ate, i felt so fat today. Ya, some people will sure tell me I m not fat, I just just meaty. With my girlfriends around, they always tell me, i m fat comparing to them. They weigh 40 to 41kg, height ard 154cm to 161cm lehx... i m surely fat in front of them. maybe its just the guy and lady defination of fat is different.

To a girl, meaty or with excess fats, is fat. For guy, meaty is just nice, excess fats is fat. my colleagues will sure say, i m not fat, when complain to them i want to go on diet. :( Hard to saw la. Even my boy says, i m fat. Ya, i m indeed fatter le, when i used to have flat tummy instead of bulging one, i used to have slimmed tighs and tonned arms.... Now i have thunder big ones and flabby arms. Sad
I shall replace my ibanking device, i really cant do without it, esp with all dat net shopping i do.

Loves!!! Wheet! So sorry dear, make u spent soooo much on my bdae gift. I dint ask for anything, yet u gave me something i wanted. Thank you.

My boy, gave me T70 for my bdae gift, though walking from 19 year old to 20 yr old is a very big step for me, esp without him beside me during the day, he gave me his best. Thanks. I dint want it, esp from u, coz its damn ex... I rmb my 18th birthday, u gave me the handphone. This year, the phone gave up on me, and u gave me a camera. You told me you wish that we can take many pictures together, leaving the footsteps and footpaths we had walked through together.

Tml the ladies are all damn so busy, sad. Haiz... nvm, shall enjoy myself with the siblings in the day after my driving, den i shall enjoy myself...

Was arguing with boy abt the material for a wife. he wans to overwork his wife! He expects her to cook uper nice food, look after her kids herself without maid or nanny, maintain the hse clean n tidy.... Oh well, get an overseas maid lor... easier still. We had swesens today. Saw Eric n Zulia at White Sands... Everyone is there, to send their bfs in, so i m one of the poor girls who has to deposit the bf with the govt for 1 week, to learn how to be a man and protect his country.

My colleagues will be coming down. lets see... and my aunts... Nights. Cheers to my last hour of my 19th year. I will grow up.

He is finally out tml. I hope they can let him out earlier, like ard 1pm, pls pls.... He has been very sweet, giving me nice smses, and my inbox is flooded with uber sweet stuffs. See, girls are easy to coax ok...

My eyes are sore red now, i hope it will be alright. And my stupid corn beneath my feet, pain sia. M right feet has abrasion. Pain lor... now i walk like a penguin, wobbling.

Elaine, u got to move on. Hope u r doing fine. We will be there for u, if u need us, dun keep everything to yourself. Rmb Andrew, when both of u ended, its he chose his ex over u. Jeffery with his ridiculous requests? Dont ever go back to him again. You will meet ur Mr Right soon.

Haiyo... I keep getting the same question the whole day today, from my kind colleagues. What you want fo your birthday. I seriously appreciate their offer, it is damn nice of them to have such thought, so but I only hope they will come and accompany me, thats all. i am a simple girl ok.

A couple of days more, to my 20th. the big 2. Dreadful. I want to remain as 19. :(

Ytd went concourse to buy stuffs with my colleagues, and we had steamboat from 8 to 10. Nice food alright. Nice companionship with Clara, ping, rose and don. Surprisingly, the ladies ate sooo much. Fat la, tell me abt dieting.

Haiz, look like to got to give up my salsa dance on 15th dec. :( But i scared i do not have time to go for the rest of my classes... I dont wish to drag my time, it has been my passion.

I am a lucky girl, with lots of food to eat. Yeah, if there is a heavyweight championship, i will top the female category. What i ate today:

Morning: bread with nutella, bun, calcium drink
Lunch: Mui fan (3/4), chicken soup, tibits, potong ice cream, turkey meat (thanks Steven)
Dinner: BBQ at downtown east with 2 chicken wings, 3 satays, soft drink, beehoon

How to not fat, when i eat so much. I will go on strict diet. 2 meals a day, breakfast and dinner. I hope i can do so sia, coz i will end up having lunch with my colleagues, coz they sure say i m not fat. But my face is seriously getting so meaty and rounder. :( super upset.

I want to sign up the salsa course on 15th dec, but, we have a family day on the date. Thinking to go on half day, but, not sure if my boss will allow or not. I really want to learn. Haiz.

Its nice to hear from frens whome u seldom met, telling you, hey i miss you! Thanks girls. These ladies had been very sweet.

My birthday list, ended up with most of my colleagues. Coz it is a monday, my aunts are invited, but they cant attend, coz, of my cousin's wedding the following day. Maybe i shall not go back work on 27th, since i m being told to work on 24th, hmph! My colleagues age range from 23 to 50 plus, whereby 40s and 50s are higher, so, i guess daddy is going to have a shock with pple of his age. Hahahz.

My pretty ladies are probably coming. Do come girls, i misses u gers, though we just met a couple of days ago. You girls got to show my colleagues, that i m fat, while the 3 of u are the perfect figure. Yes!

The list goes:
- Ping
- Clara
- Rose
- Steven
- Chris
- Jamie
- Don
- Chee yang
- Mr Sim
- Kristen
- Elaine
- Michelle
- Xavier

I m planning for my food now. Dont know which package to take. As usual, the indecisive me.

Oh yes, just now at downtown east, Jamie, Chris and I got hooked on a machine, that gives sweets and soft toy. Chris is a pro, she won 2 Stitch with less than a $50, while pple spent $35, but nvr get anything. And she also got more and 1 kg worth of sweets and biscuits. Damn fun!!!

Boy passed is IPPT today. Finally! So meaning no more RT, and he can accompany me longer in Sundays. But, he signed up for the drill competition, which means he cant call me in these few days. Asked him y he joined it, he says, for the coy, and the pride, and the balls. Basket la!

Whatever. Since his POP is on 12 Dec, i am planning for a short trip overseas or getaway with him.

Working for almost 12.5hrs on a sunday, is absolutely crazy, esp when i was working OT almost everyday for the past few days.... siao sia. Monday, ytd, was finally my off day. Went driving, almost had leg cramp, coz i walk too much during work, and went to thaiexpress with my ladies, den the birthday girl, kristen, want to drink, so we went to Kandi Bar, walking from esplanade to clarke quay, in boots. Drank Abosulte Vodka Kurrunt, and i got seh.... I left in an hrs time, while the ladies continued, coz the girls got no work n sch, while i got to drag my ass out of my bed the next day. Talk abt financial freedom ar, but i lost my precious freedom.

Elaine, your rs is the first case my instinct fail me. Maybe, we are not mature enough to handle the rs, or maybe, he is not good enuf tow at u deserve. Whatever the case, so long as u r happy. :)

I want to learn salsa. I told vin abt it, and he is jealous, coz i m goign to dance with other guys. Dancing is my fave since young, but due to my back problem, i stopped. I want to get rid of my fats and big bum, so dancing back for me again. I had signed up alrd, just hoping, my work load wun pull me too be too tired to dance. i want to dance when i m still young.

I need some exercise to keep myself fit again, yet lazy me, dont like to run, so, i shall dance. besides, i can wear the heels dat i love.

Damn tired today, i did a set up for a school with my poor colleague, coz the whole office only have 2 guys, other den the boss. my boss is down with cough, and he is damn shag, and the other one has exams. Oh well, i have nth to comment, just do what i shld do, den relax my day. My feet and back hurts. Alamak, i must have walked too much.

Argh, i getting fatter....Yoga for me please.

Before i forget, 26th Nov...

Add ins
- Huz
- Ping
- Rose
- Clara

Looks like, most of my colleagues going. Haiz, who ask my friends to be overseas, studying and working. Den my gor and his gf too shy to come.

I am tired. Hai. Dear, can u do guard duty for till the end of Decemeber. Its not dat i dun wan to see you, but, I really felt tired at times, having to meet u after work, den take a stupid 1.5hr bus to ur hse for u to change, den pei u half an hour, before i take a 30 min bus home. Pei u half an hr, and u will complain i spend too little time wif u, when i need to go home to rest, recharge. Haiz... I dun wish to quarrel with u always. Its straining between us, with my life and your NS life, making us mood swing, angry, uphappy etc. I just wish to be a happy girl.

Elaine n kelvin patched. Good news. The monsoon season is here, but my silly girlfriend, elaine, was saying that she wans to go Redang in these 2 mths. Crazy. I told her i m going, and we said that, the four of us will go there together someday.

Knowing each other since 13 yrs old, 7 yrs of perfect friendship, yet we dint go overseas together before. Mich, convince your daddy la, if not xavier go oso can. The most, the 8 of us go together, just ask kristen to get a bf lor. All of us love the sea, calm sea. I am lucky to be able to see it almost everyday. But, looking at sth nice, yet not with the ones I love, it is still nothing special.

I was reading a primary sch fren's blog just now, her sister, whom i knew, and doted her before, was sent to girls home. Haiz. Cant they just treasure their youth, and dun do funny things, dat you will regret, like how i have spent my past away.

Slping time. Cheers to better skin.

I enjoyed my off day throughly today. Yeah! I went for driving at 10.30, my fave instructor, so i enjoyed the lesson, despit of the stupid weather or rain and shine throughout the whole lesson. Den went to taka to meet my dearest elaine. She just changed her hp. It has been so long, since we went to town together, which was last christmas. And i have not been towning since so long.

Both of us, shopped like no tomorrow. I spent ard $100 today, she, spend ard $500, the shopping queen! I bought a book, costing $16.80 from kinokuniya, Holiday for Couples. I love the graphics in it. looking forward to travel, to all the wonderful places featured in the book. I shall carry this book whereever i go. Bought kris's present, shall not reveal yet, in case she read it here, but, the original price was $115 woah. Hope that lady will love it.

I lost my Romeo and Juliet book, and the Abraham's Promise. Was talking wif elaine abt our literature days, we are still loving it so much, and we nvr regret taking it as our major subject instead of Geography. Literature is such a nice culture, and she makes me feel regretful, dat i dint go for the Phantom of the Opera last yr. Haiz. Debra tan taught us well, and both of us did well, writing queen in our poly days, where we can write damn fast, every single word of what the lecturer said.

Mich and xav came to find us after xav's check up. Nice to meet again! I realise, when we try to arrange a timing, it wont work, if we have last mintue calling, it works. Elaine quarrel with kelvin, and he called me, after elaine refused to pick up his calls. Y is it that he cant understand wat she wans, instead of insisting that she wans a break up, was due to her intake of medication. I know elaine got mental health problem, which was partially caused by her ex bf. If u treasure her, u shld not presurrize her.

Dont feel like going work tml. I enjoyed myself today so much.

Updates to the birthday chalet:
- Jamie
- Mr Sim
- Cheeyang
- Don
- Justin (pending)
- Kristen (pending as Bryan is coming back)
- Xav and Mich (depending on their scheldue, likely to be on)
- Elaine (depending on her work, likely to be on)
- WH and Ken (pending)
- Pamela (pending)

hey people, let me know if u guys want to stay over, so i can make arrangements la. 2 weeks away, to my BIG 2. Rahimah's Bachlorette party upcoming.... Fun fun fun!

Although i misses u at times, but, when i say i hope dat u can do more guard duties now, it does not mean dat i dont wish to see u, It so happens i m too busy to accompany u, I do not want both of us to quarrel, to be unhappy or feeling damn tired, which will do us no good. Also, if u do the guard duty now, when u take ur block leave, we can enjoy, instead of u having to report back to camp. U might not understand y i m doing so.

Damn it! I almost almost almost want to lodge a police report, for the lost of my little green driving book. Thanks to her, she still can say, my impt stuff duno how to put properly. Hello! My last driving class was when u told me to start packing. And I put everything into a basket. Its U! Who starts to touch my things when i was working. Idiot la. Lucky sis told her, i usually put my driving book into the LuLu Australia pouch that i bought, and that woman, happily took it out from my sister's bag, which was thrown to a hole where only she, will know where it is. Damn it la.

So, the poor me, instead of having two driving classes tml, will have 1 lesson only. Wasting my time AGAIN! Nvm, i shall go shopping in town alone tml after driving. I need to destress. Retail therapy always works. Talking abt that, that woman told me, since u so rich now, can lose your book, so go do the police report and start all over again la! Starting all over again leh! She still says, my sis and i, inherited the mental problem, which was running in my family blood. Ok, i know my grandmother has it, a few of my cousins have it, if i have it, u will have it oso lor. So are u saying, all of us are mad? This is crazy. u made me panic like hell lor, imagine the effort i put in, was almost all gone.

Haiya, enough of venting. past few days had been fruitful, despite being busy and tired. 8th Nov is Kristen's birthday, 9th Nov was Jov's Birthday. Happy birthday, ladies!

10th Nov, Project Lighthouse, we worked till late. My back was killing me, damn pain like hell. But i got to keep on going. The fun part was, the end where everyone had a bit of toasting to the success of the whole event. Den, the guys got to help the guests to push a manual car, coz the battery went flat. First time to see such thing. Huz was funny, to explain y he dint run, coz he do not own a bludging tummy. Justin ran 2 rounds, Cheeyang go 1 round, huz went half round, don went 1 round. GM the best, he drove the car. Smart man! Justin send me home, but i brought him to went around. Haha, went the wrong way. Sorry sorry.

Today was damn tiring. After reaching home at 11pm for the project lighthouse, Mr Kok requested me to go his hse for breakfast with him at 7pm. As usual, I cant wake up, plus i got his sickness of cough, sore throat. I felt so feverish. So, i cabbed down to his hse, reaching ard 8am. We slpt for a while, eat while dat lazy bum pack his stuffs, den we cabbed to pasir ris, coz he is a slow coach in packing la. Stupid boy. Forever so slow.I felt so tired, due to my almost break out fever, so i took bus 88 home, slpt for an hr, den went to work without lunch. I told him, he is the luckiest guy in the world sia, gf sick oso go to his hse, accompany him, and i always pick him up when he books out, sends him in when he books in.

I popped 2 panadol extra strong today, to prevent the fever from breaking out, but my muscles and back are damn pain. Fantastic. Work was ok, doing calling. Don asked me, y i came work today. Alamak. Sometimes, i ask for half day, he will ask me, schldued ar. Today i dint request, he come asking me, why i report to work. Sian, shld have taken time off. but i have tons of stuffs to do.

I had 2 bottles of honey lemon today, which i bought from chinese medicine shop, coz my hse run out of the two ingredients, lemon and honey. My sore throat is better, and my cough is healed. But my fever is threatening to break out. So, i m drinking ginseng now, i hope i dun have fever.

Mich has been asking me, to celebrate kris belated bdae. yaya, i know. But i m dead beat, and no time la. Mummy has been asking me to go overseas, i oso want. But i dun wan to go wif the family, coz i know the outcome.

Don asked me ytd, if he resigns, what will i do. He told me, the other two, said they will leave. My answer to him is, since u are leaving, den y shld i stay. Isnt dat a direct answer? The reason y i m staying with this hectic job, is the envirnoment and the people here. If the happy pple are gone, happy days are gone too.

Mr Kok was saying abt my previous blog entry, of wanting a new bf for bdae present. I know he very sad la. Dint expect u to read my blog la. It was a joke. As long as u dont try sth funny, and dont say break up, my principle still applies. I dont break with people de. Yup, unless u want to break my heart for watever reason lor. So far, since army u had been gd and nice to me. But i hope, this will continue after NS. The boy, lost his gun in field camp, so confinement is expected la. So, u learn ur lesson.

I want to do eyelash extension. Yup, wait till i get permission from him first. I think i look nice is dresses, but, i m fat and i m not a gentle lady. So, shall build up on dat first.

I am getting weaker, keep getting sick, think its my lack of exercise, and shag, dats y my body is getting from bad to worst.

Today is a special day, everyone in the office, knocks off at 6pm. Exactly. Cool huh. Its seldom the case. I had Aijisen with family, our family dinner since ages.

I hope tml will be a better day. My hair is starting to curl. I am considering to cut it short. But when i look back at my secondary school photo, i look damn horrible den. Shld i? Or shld i cut short, den reborn it? Recommendation?

Happy Deepavali! And Happy Birthday to my dearest sister, best friend and buddy, Kristen! Happy 20th Birthday! After her birthday, it will be mine. I am the youngest among the four of us. Kristen and I know each other for 10 yrs le. We are only 20 yr old leh. See, we treasure our friendship.

Took half day today. Wore the expensive dress, went town meet boy. He made me pissed off with his dressing. T-shirt and shorts again, almost with slipper. If he wears slipper, i am going home. We watched "Game plan". Super nice! Lots of learning point, boy and i enjoyed it.

Had ben and jerry ice cream, yummy. Oh yes, I had fish and chip in the cinema. Out first trip to watch movie at The Cathay Cineplex. So kukoo.

After dat, he wans me to have dinner with his family, at Fish and Co at PS. Reluctantly, i joined them. Before dat, my heels are killing me. So, i bought the haivanas sandals, for $49.90. The one i have in the office, is turning yellow, so the new pair, i got it as black. I joined dem, and i ate very little. Sea Monkey freeze is not as nice as Jungle freeze. The bill comes up to $89. Uncle said its cheap. Whatever. Talking abt business again during dinner. Haiz, forever. But now, not abt the shoes only, also abt investing in Indonesia, and maybe Vietnam and Philipines for Bird Nest.

Tml, I m not going home. Going to spend the night with him. Coz he is very unhappy that i dun have time for him. Not like i want to. He even told me, he wished that i can quit my job now, to accompany him all day long. What to do. Haiz....

It is soo sweet, to receive replies from people whom I have msged abt my birthday. Whether or not you are going, thanks for the effort to reply me.

Received an sms from Adelaide, asking me wat prezzie i want, and dat she misses me. Woah! Dats damn sweet! I miss u too girl, we have not been towning together for very long. I hope dec will pass soon, so i will have my weekends back to see my girlfriends.

So sad i cant see her on my birthday, coz its monday. Damn it! Argh, i wishes to see her soon. Missing her like nuts. Ok, i m a lesbian alright!

Boy also put a smile on my face today. i was tired at work, staring at the computer, answering phone calls with people screaming into my ear (just dun understand y some pple cannt talk softly over the phone). His sms goes like this "If cant meet then I'll stalk u lor =p Go pop while u meeting client and disturb u while u doing set ups=D So... i think u better be able to pei me ah... If not u sure mah fan liaoz"

Sori la, i very busy mahx. Lucky I m not studying part time, arbo i sure go bonkers.

I was clearing my hp inbox... Since i m in good mood today, I was uber happy, when i read thru a poem he wrote " Baby ah... U damn cute sia... I Cant forget ur looks... Deeply engraved in my mind... Will use that memory to push myself thru the upcoming challenges. I'm ur star guiding u, and u're my fuel pushing me on. Only tgt, i think, can we move on in life =p" This was sent to me before he went to field camp. Although it is rather mushy, but it is very nice of him.

"Late at night when all the world is slping I stay up and think of u And i wish on a star that somewhere u are thinking of me too, yes I do..... Coz I'm dreaming of u tonight, till tml and for all of my life, And there is no where in the world i'd rather be, than thinking of u, dreaming abt u n me.."

Sometimes, when i really wanted to give up in this relationship, coz of all the orderal i have to go thru, all these msges keep me going on. He has grown up. He finally understands what i want. I need new memories of our rs, not just the old ones. And he did it. Thanks.

lala... I am a happy little girl for now. I hope this will last. no more tearing for me please!

Adds on to my birthday list:
- Kristen (pending)

Just log in to Erin's blog (gor's girlfriend), this is what she has wrote:

answer to eileen's question in her blog

hey ger ,i can only reply in my blog cuz yr have no tagboards!

haha ...you posted a qn in yr entry :"There was a saying that i heard before, a person with a strong front, is actually weaker in the interior. Is that true?"

well... i guess its true haha... well .. i've seen such ppl ... they put on a strong front because they dun wan ppl to see their weakness...on the exterior...

he/she may look so strong, so confident and all..ppl envy them but actually deep down its not like tt at all... they may have even lower self-esteem than others!

i guess they are just very particular abt how ppl will judge them... tt's y they put up a strong front ...they dun want ppl to look down on them ...more or less a psychological obstacle i guess ..wat's most important is ..

just be who you r ...nobody is perfect anyway..

I guess, I m like what she said. Someone weak in disguise. but i dont care. I will protect my friends and family from those who bully them. Lala, come confront me if you are not happy. Blahx!

Anyway, Erin, my blog has no tagboards, becoz so few of u know my blog address. If i put in tagboard, spammers will come and disturb. Nono, i want to have a peaceful little place for myself.

I am a happy girl today! Ok, after 26th, i shall no longer be a little girl. But like wat Yvonne said, being 20 yr old, will let the adults listen to you recommendations and all. I will grow up soon....

I am happy, because I bought myself a very nice dress for birthday present. Hahaz, sounds crazy, but, its seldom i can get such a nice dress, with the correct length, given my so short height. Total damage for today $100.

The dress can be used for office wear, if i decides to change my job. Hahaz, I am doing some planning le...Or for high class dining, or the dinner function. Yeah!Its just a simple sexy dress, that wont reveal my flabby arms, thighs or tummy.

Another thing that made me a very happy girl, is that my dearest called me. I was so surprised to see that I got missed call from him, so i returned his call immediately. His field camp is over, and he will be out on thurs... I thought his field camp till tml. Yippee, but i m very busy this week. I hope he can understand. Sorry dear, please understand, can? I also wish to accompany you as much as I can, but, sometimes, please dont give me pressure, if not it will not work for us.

This whole week, i understand y, girls will want to leave their bf when they are in NS. Its not because they do not love them anymore, but the feeling of waiting, and loneliness, makes everything change.

Current list of goers to my birthday celebration who had confirmed with me:
- Mich Chua
- Jamie
- Chee Yang
- Mr Sim
- Adelaide (pending)
- Junie (pending)

Jovelle said she working late. People executive woah. Justin is working also, so he probably wont be coming.

Dear, I am not sure if i shld call Pamela, WH, Tian Chai, Allen mah? Maybe u can tell me the answer. Coz i usually not very close to dem, i m only with them, when you are ard. Tell me please....

I want to get the colour contact lens, but fear that my new colleagues will get a shock. My besties and my poly mates are damn used to me wearing big eyes contact lens or colour contact lens when i was still schooling. Shall I?

Sister first day work. Hope she will be more independent.

I am such a pig. Planned to go towning today, ended up slacking at home. hahaz. My sprain in my ankle hurts. Haiz. I hope i can recover soon, if not I will have to take mc for a period of time.

I went to Hougang Mall shop, felt my head spin. I almost black out. Dint tell Vin about it. I hope he dont blame me from keeping from him. Just dont want him to worry, coz he is alrd very worried abt my sprain. The sprain is an old injury, so I kinda expected it. I am getting old la...

I finally get my 9 hrs of beauty slp. Though still not enough, but i think it is still better den nth. Got a compliment from a client today. Another happy thing, when i access the 'email'. :) Woohoo!

My dark circles and dark rings are getting worst, pimples popping out, lack of exercise makes me feel fat. i think i m in the worst state ever.

My Christmas wish: That I can be taller... I was looking at dresses, for my cousin's wedding. but all the dresses are damn long. haiz.

Vin is 165cm, and i m 155cm. Difference only 10cm. If 1 inch is 2.54 cm, i can only wear heels dat is 4 inch. Haiz... Boy, can u grow taller too?

Slacking at home... Gor and his gf will not be coming to the chalet, and they said they will treat me to a meal. Well, lets see if i have the time.

Erin was right that i put everything abt what i felt here. There was a saying that i heard before, a person with a strong front, is actually weaker in the interior. Is that true?

3 more days, and he will be out. I m very very very tired. OMG, nvr felt this tired before. Lucky he has field camp, and dint come out, if not i will be more tired looking after his demands to meet me.

Since the beginning of the week, except monday, i had been working OT and OT. Buying and buying, from puffs to stationeries, and working earlier or working later. Tired sia. Everyday is work and slp.

Nov is almost a dead period. Haiz. Sent out the smses to my invited guest list for my birthday. Hope that they can revert back to me by 15th Nov.

Watched "Rendition" with Don, Jamie and Cheeyang 2 days ago. Nice show, but it takes time to understand. Next show to target, "The Game Plan".

Body is aching badly. And i sprained my leg badly today. Again! So, i have to cancel my driving tml. Sad la. I intend to finish it asap de. Jamie was saying, how come these few days, when i was having 2 events a day, I seemed to be the only one who is doing. Well, we have our reasons. We do help each other, just dat liasing and all, the one in charge will know better. Everything was ok, except the walking around and stuffs, was terrible.

Today have project lighthouse. I reached my workplace at 7am, ended work at 6pm. Justin came over. Had a chat with him while the kids went out for sail. He claimed that he is the "Coffee Making Executive" at Sembawang. Apparently, he does the same as me. When he has an event, he goes in earlier, to make coffee and tea for them, receiving weird requests for hot, cold and room temperature water. Just like me. So, he was joking that he wans to make me the "Coffee Making Officer", coz this is what i had been doing for this whole week. He is equally tired, or more tired, as he had his assignments. Understand....

The kids are cute and adorable. They reminded me of Peijin's brother, who is one of these special children. And also, my primary school friend, yixuan's sister. When i was young, i was wondering, why the mum always bring the sister to school in a babychair, and she cant walk. I admire her perservance to study, despite her illness and being slow. However, when i heard abt the failure in the operation when i was Secondary 3, i was very sad. Yixuan hated her sister, for taking away her mum's time and love for her, but i remembered, at her sister's wake, she was crying, and i believe, she loved her sister.

Just now, when i saw these kids drawing, they reminded me of her, my eyes went watery. I admire those parents, who have the courage to give birth to them, loving them and caring for them. I can see their tiredness, yet their love for their children.

I admire the kids who have these children as their siblings, still loving and taking care of them, even though their parent's love have been given away.

Some of my dear friends and colleagues (ex and present), are asking me what i want for my birthday. Actually, what i want, you guys cant give. I wish that my family can understand me better, my sister and bro to be mroe sensible, and my parents to be less demanding and bias. I hope to have a friend, who can understand me. So, for those who are thinking, let me tell u the answer, just take care of yourself, and treasure what you have, and it will be a nice present for me.

Haha, my colleague asked me, when i went to have Mac with them at Tampines, what i want for birthday. He suggested a boyfriend. Hahaz. Maybe i should. Damn tired at times, but very tired of waiting for my bf to come out, to vent my unhappines with him. Whenever he is out, we will end up slping, I will tell him abt work, my family problems and all, while he tell me his NS life and all. Boring and no life.

The chalet, was my dream. I think my sis told my parents before. I remeber when i was 16 yr old, my cousin invited me to her chalet. She purposly chose my birthdate, when her birthday was 3 days later. I was damn unhappy that time. I told myself, i will have a chalet when i am 21, on her birthdate. Now, i dont see the need, as both of us had fell out. My siblings and i, dislike her.

For those who feel I am lucky to have my family planning for my birthday for me, I admit I am luckier than many people. But, the things that i went through about them, you guys will nvr understand. I appreciate their effort for this, but you guys will nvr understand, why i cant love my parents. I wish to hug them, or kiss them before i slp. But, i cant make make myself do that. I wish to talk to them abt my worries, troubles and problems. I wish to cry to them, instead of putting a strong front. For 20 years, my life is much luckier than many. At least i have a complete family, but the tears that i had in my heart, no one will knows how much.

Oh yes, i quarrelled with Aziz ytd. Over the two stupid tanks. I am damn tired, seriously tired. He asked whether he can put them in function room 1, i told him to call my boss. Calling is easier, den quarrelling with me. I was dead beat, and i have another room to set up, running out of time. A call from him, will settle his problem. He threw his tantrum at me, and change the place he wans to put it. He can always do it later, not like the Angels are closing at 4pm. F**k. And the function room was not ready that time, he just dont understand. I dont have time, dont have space, not enough manpower.

Dont irritate me when i m very tired. I went to Jimmy and start to tell him everything. He saw me being so pissed and i guessed he must be damn shocked.

Whenever i see kids, i feel like having one of my own. But when i see naughty ones, i feel like strangling them. Hahaz, guess, its safer that i dont have any kids. I used to hate kids, but now, i m neutral. I understand how the parents felt, after kaiyan had jorin. Jorin can be so adorable, yet very naughty. Sometimes, being parents, they love, yet have to educate, which is very tough.

But I also understand the kids feeling. Believe it or not, I used to hate my family so much, that i felt like running away from home, or even have suicide when i was very young. I cant take it dat time. Imagine, since 7 years old, i will have to experience such a thing. I have grown up now, i understand everything. But, 20 yrs of thing, you cant expect me to forget everything, of what they had done. I nvr felt love frm them, until these 2 years. I have been very much alone, keeping everything to myself. I even hated myself for my presence when i was younger.

I wish, tomorrow will be a better day. And those kids that i saw today, can recover, and get acceptance by the society, for them to feel more independent, and more love from the rest.