3 more days, and he will be out. I m very very very tired. OMG, nvr felt this tired before. Lucky he has field camp, and dint come out, if not i will be more tired looking after his demands to meet me.

Since the beginning of the week, except monday, i had been working OT and OT. Buying and buying, from puffs to stationeries, and working earlier or working later. Tired sia. Everyday is work and slp.

Nov is almost a dead period. Haiz. Sent out the smses to my invited guest list for my birthday. Hope that they can revert back to me by 15th Nov.

Watched "Rendition" with Don, Jamie and Cheeyang 2 days ago. Nice show, but it takes time to understand. Next show to target, "The Game Plan".

Body is aching badly. And i sprained my leg badly today. Again! So, i have to cancel my driving tml. Sad la. I intend to finish it asap de. Jamie was saying, how come these few days, when i was having 2 events a day, I seemed to be the only one who is doing. Well, we have our reasons. We do help each other, just dat liasing and all, the one in charge will know better. Everything was ok, except the walking around and stuffs, was terrible.

Today have project lighthouse. I reached my workplace at 7am, ended work at 6pm. Justin came over. Had a chat with him while the kids went out for sail. He claimed that he is the "Coffee Making Executive" at Sembawang. Apparently, he does the same as me. When he has an event, he goes in earlier, to make coffee and tea for them, receiving weird requests for hot, cold and room temperature water. Just like me. So, he was joking that he wans to make me the "Coffee Making Officer", coz this is what i had been doing for this whole week. He is equally tired, or more tired, as he had his assignments. Understand....

The kids are cute and adorable. They reminded me of Peijin's brother, who is one of these special children. And also, my primary school friend, yixuan's sister. When i was young, i was wondering, why the mum always bring the sister to school in a babychair, and she cant walk. I admire her perservance to study, despite her illness and being slow. However, when i heard abt the failure in the operation when i was Secondary 3, i was very sad. Yixuan hated her sister, for taking away her mum's time and love for her, but i remembered, at her sister's wake, she was crying, and i believe, she loved her sister.

Just now, when i saw these kids drawing, they reminded me of her, my eyes went watery. I admire those parents, who have the courage to give birth to them, loving them and caring for them. I can see their tiredness, yet their love for their children.

I admire the kids who have these children as their siblings, still loving and taking care of them, even though their parent's love have been given away.

Some of my dear friends and colleagues (ex and present), are asking me what i want for my birthday. Actually, what i want, you guys cant give. I wish that my family can understand me better, my sister and bro to be mroe sensible, and my parents to be less demanding and bias. I hope to have a friend, who can understand me. So, for those who are thinking, let me tell u the answer, just take care of yourself, and treasure what you have, and it will be a nice present for me.

Haha, my colleague asked me, when i went to have Mac with them at Tampines, what i want for birthday. He suggested a boyfriend. Hahaz. Maybe i should. Damn tired at times, but very tired of waiting for my bf to come out, to vent my unhappines with him. Whenever he is out, we will end up slping, I will tell him abt work, my family problems and all, while he tell me his NS life and all. Boring and no life.

The chalet, was my dream. I think my sis told my parents before. I remeber when i was 16 yr old, my cousin invited me to her chalet. She purposly chose my birthdate, when her birthday was 3 days later. I was damn unhappy that time. I told myself, i will have a chalet when i am 21, on her birthdate. Now, i dont see the need, as both of us had fell out. My siblings and i, dislike her.

For those who feel I am lucky to have my family planning for my birthday for me, I admit I am luckier than many people. But, the things that i went through about them, you guys will nvr understand. I appreciate their effort for this, but you guys will nvr understand, why i cant love my parents. I wish to hug them, or kiss them before i slp. But, i cant make make myself do that. I wish to talk to them abt my worries, troubles and problems. I wish to cry to them, instead of putting a strong front. For 20 years, my life is much luckier than many. At least i have a complete family, but the tears that i had in my heart, no one will knows how much.

Oh yes, i quarrelled with Aziz ytd. Over the two stupid tanks. I am damn tired, seriously tired. He asked whether he can put them in function room 1, i told him to call my boss. Calling is easier, den quarrelling with me. I was dead beat, and i have another room to set up, running out of time. A call from him, will settle his problem. He threw his tantrum at me, and change the place he wans to put it. He can always do it later, not like the Angels are closing at 4pm. F**k. And the function room was not ready that time, he just dont understand. I dont have time, dont have space, not enough manpower.

Dont irritate me when i m very tired. I went to Jimmy and start to tell him everything. He saw me being so pissed and i guessed he must be damn shocked.

Whenever i see kids, i feel like having one of my own. But when i see naughty ones, i feel like strangling them. Hahaz, guess, its safer that i dont have any kids. I used to hate kids, but now, i m neutral. I understand how the parents felt, after kaiyan had jorin. Jorin can be so adorable, yet very naughty. Sometimes, being parents, they love, yet have to educate, which is very tough.

But I also understand the kids feeling. Believe it or not, I used to hate my family so much, that i felt like running away from home, or even have suicide when i was very young. I cant take it dat time. Imagine, since 7 years old, i will have to experience such a thing. I have grown up now, i understand everything. But, 20 yrs of thing, you cant expect me to forget everything, of what they had done. I nvr felt love frm them, until these 2 years. I have been very much alone, keeping everything to myself. I even hated myself for my presence when i was younger.

I wish, tomorrow will be a better day. And those kids that i saw today, can recover, and get acceptance by the society, for them to feel more independent, and more love from the rest.