Its his first day to the field camp. I know him to well, he will not clear his bowels in the field camp. Hahaz. My dirty pigotong.

Tml is the Hari Raya party for the staff. Ironically, i heard most of the muslim friends are not going. Well, well. My colleague helped me borrowed a costume, which i dont know if i will fit, coz i m utterly fat now.

Busy busy busy. Running an event with losta of proposals is enuf, not to mention 2 at a time, with no guys to help, and with tons of telephone calls, problems here and there. Its damn freaking tired! There is no guy in the office today! Its like omg, how am I going to do the set up? Siao, but i survived la. I have got 3 more days to go, and my battery is half dead. Thanks to my family. I shall not talk to dem. Keep away from me!

From Erin: "to me..blogging is a form of releasing my feelings..... be it happy things.. or sad things.. or even things tt make me angry..blog abt happy things..is cuz i wanted to share it with my friends out there who r reading..i wan to share my happiness with them...as for angry stuffs.. i juz need a place to vent out all my frustrations.. sometimes things just cant be told..it will be disastrous...if were to say out certain things....it'll be like spilled milk... can't get it back...n i dun wan it to happen.. so.... i'll blog hahaha.."

I agreed with you, girl. I do that there do. Glad that gor made u a happy girl on your birthday night. My sad thing is, my wish to have my bf with me on my bdae night will not be fulfilled, as he has his NS. Haiz. I know you r reading this, so when am I going to receive the red envelope from u n gor? He is 26 alrd, time to get married la. Den i can call u sister-in-law. Hahaz.

My muscles ache, not to mention those backaches that i had. I guess my spinal cord has problem, since the fall when i was working last time, from the stairs. I shld have heed my manager's advice to see the doctor. Since secondary sch, every year I got to do checkup at hospital for my spinal cord till i was sec 4. Or is it, I am getting old?

Jov and i was chatting, and we wan to go Redang in Feb next year. Den i shall got china in April, and Japan soon.... I was quite surprised, both of us kick off well, understanding each other. Yippee... i hope the trip will turn out well, coz the girl had tension headache, and huz had alrd given her a false promise b4, i do not wish to disappoint my friend. She says $500 shld be enuf. Dats easy la, meaning for my China trip, i will have more to spend. Hope all these can be fulfilled.

I shall get my sony camera next mth.

I dont care if you are interested to know what i wrote in here. This is a place for me to vent my anger and stuffs. I know both of u took hard pains to bring me up, I understand, and I know the feeling of being a mum.

But, dont think i will need to rely on you for the whole of my life. Of all your kids, i m the most sensible. Who talks back to you the least? Who study through with you worrying?

Everything that i did, is all wrong in ur mind. Alright then, den u go ahead with your "fine" thinking, and forget abt my presence then.

Ytd, the two person, make us all clear up the room. it was agreed to be done in dec, not now. Please, it is just a couple of days, to my dreaded mth, Nov. I need my rest, and she keeps yaking away. Clearing is no issue, but her talking, oh, SHUT UP! You want to beat people, come la. Lets see who beat who. Fuck sia. Is not that i m filial, if you have this kind of freaking parents and family, it can really drive people crazy.

I dont like to scold vuglarities. But, i really felt like leaving home ytd, leaving everything behind, maybe i shld just leave this world, if not for a person, who loves me so much. Can you imagine, me crying for 2 whole days, just for the stupid family dat i have. Dont blame sis, if she ended up like me, not wanting to go home. At least, i have another home, if i want to run to.

I am off for 2 days, yet i got pissed for two days. The two fuckers idiot people. its really idiotic. Its not abt just my moodswing, but try irritating me. I m the most neutral and best attitude person in my family, but dun make use of my patience.

Went driving today, and i really enjoy the thrill. Actually I had two lessons, but due to ytd's night stuffs, it makes my eyes red and puffy, and my back problem comes back again. so i cancelled the morning lesson. Its getting more fun. I want to complete soon.

Vin and I have agreed, to start saving to tour Japan for 2 weeks when he finish his NS. he says he will pay for my air ticket, and I am suppose to pay for the expenditure there. Its like, i rather the other way, hahaz.

And i will go taiwan with him. So, for march and april next yr, I will be going China in the Summer. Which part, let me do some reading first bahx.

Working tomorrow.... So boring.

My Guardian Angel

My Guardian Angel.... is the turtle. it is suppose to accompany me, for me to hug, and cry to, when i need someone beside me. Although it is not alive, at least the feeling of the hug, will be much better den nth.

Was at his hse after the movie, I finally broke down and cry like a tap. My nose is known for being a tap, dint noe my eyes oso can do such a good job in this. It just such a nice cry, coz i dint cry for very long le, and I have been controlling myself for so damn long.

he made me promised ytd, dat when i send him in today, i will not cry. So, i was strong enough to not think abt anything else, but my turtle dats lying on my bed.

Just went to chinatown with family. Its a damn freaking long time since we last went out, as a family. And daddy bought me a pair of slippers! Yeah! Hmmz... Simple things makes me feel so contented. But somehow, i feel his attitude towards mei mei has changed...

He is going for field camp soon, and i m rather worried. Coz of the monsoon season, rainy days made the training tougher. Hope he does not fall sick or injure himself.

Just told mummy i intend to go overseas. She said ok, and so, i just need to inform her dat i m going away. Yippy! But i m not going to tell her i m going alone, arbo she sure dont allow.

Finally, his field camp period is here, meaning, i cant contact him for the whole week... Sianz.

I took time off ytd, to accompany him. We watched Mr Woodcock, dont think it is as nice as Balls of Fury though. He was nice, he got me the first soft toy since we had been together for the 27th mth, on the 27th oct. It is a very big soft toy, a turtle. Boy got one for himself too. Total damage he made: $49.90 x 2. I also got a blanket free. Nice and soft. Happy!

He booked in this morning. I sent him to pasir ris in his dad's car. Today off, going to beach with family. I hope everything will be alright. Off tml again, shall got for 2 driving lessons. Stop being lazy, and get my bum to the driving centre.

Insomia and stress recently, from my family, really made me feel physcially and mentally weak. How to survive in nov lidat?

Told boy that I am going to Osaka in April. He asked me whom i m going with. The fact is, I am going alone. Too troublesome to go asking around who wants to go. So i rather go alone. But, he rather I dont go Japan or Taiwan first. Coz he wants to go with me. Haiyo....

Thailand is a fun place to go, but the situation there is very messy, mummy wont allow me to go alone. HK had been there b4, though dint realli walk around.

Maldives island, is my dream place to go, same as Miami. Those places are my nice and peaceful. China is nice with their scenery. May be i will go before school starts, get away for 3 weeks there.

Right now, in Jan, I will go to...

Tired

It is 26th October. it is out 27th mth together. The rocky months... I dont know what lies in front of us.

He told me, he will book out early afternoon tml, and book in on sunday morning. He hopes that i can stay over. As usual, I cant, esp my recent family problems... He says, if he is single, he dont mind not booking out. If i m single, i wont even bother to arrange to claim time off to accompany you tml.

I hope he can understand. It is reali tiring, to see that he is sad. I know and can feel he is unhappy, but i m oso. Cant he hide it, so as not to presurize me?

He will not be booking out next week, coz field camp. I have decided my travel trip. Either Shanghai or Japan Osaka or China Sheng zhen, in January. Who wants to join me? Its either backpack journey (i really want to try it), if not the usual travelling.... Shall start saving more...

Tried my first new working experience today. Good feedback in the seminar, but bad for the part 2. Lucky its not my fault. hee.

Mr Yik called me today. Shocked. Thanks for remembering me, Sir! I guess, i will give the offer of Marketing Executive a miss. Though the position sounds appealing, and the place is of quality, but i feel, i am not one who loves too much of change. I prefer calm and stable sea, instead of rocky sea. The workplace i m currently having, is peacful and easy going for me. At least for now. I hope i wont regret rejecting the offer.

Got another offer of Sales Executive by the other company i had interviewed earlier before I joined this current company. Same thing, I want to experience sth, learn enough, before I leave. To make me leave, not just the finance factor, but also the character of the colleagues.

I think i m sterotyped by my colleagues, that i m a small chili ger who is damn fierce. Got meh? Alright la. I dont beat people. I talk sense to them.

My dear friends who got access to this blog, which i think, its less then 10 of you, you are invited to my birthday chalet at Pasir Ris Coasta Sands on 26th Nov. Please drop me an email or comment, if you are able to attend. Thanks.

Ok, its friday tomorrow, 26th Oct, exactly one month to my 20th birthday. Anyway... Happy Birthday to Erin... She is my gor's gf. I know u are reading.. Hope gor can understand u better, and mend his ways, treasure u, and you will stay happy and pretty always!!!

Gor complained ytd, that his gf knows my situation now, much better den he does. Hahaz, gers talk mah. Gor always go drinking session with his friends, seldom on msn. No point I meet him oso, partly coz i m busy, and also, meet him oso nth to do, see him smoke n smoke only.

I ended my work at 6pm, I reached home at 10pm. I dint want to go home, if not for my body clock, i would have stayed out.I need a home, not just a house. Boy is alrd in NS, no body taking care of me, nobody to love me as much alrd. With my family current situation, it makes me feel, my house is just a shelter for the night.

Tired of going through everything. Going home just to see black faces, rantings, scoldings, stupid house rules. Argh, cant u just shut up? What is done is done. And it is seriously not my business to what happened. Just spare my ears, and let me have a good night rest la. You wanted me to speak to her, i did. Dad ask me to help her find sch, I did. What the hell does both of u want.

I am her elder sis. But i learnt all these things on my own. i can help her now, but she has to learn.

Every since graduation, boy went to malaysia to work, i have grown independent again. But i will need my support when i m tired. This family of mine, is nvr stable. I think, my besties are still the most reliable. When we were in polys, when i dun feel like going home, i will just stay at his hse, and cry over to him. He will understands and comfort me. Now, no one knows and no one dat i can cry to. My weekends is either burn with work, or when spending time with him, we will end up quarrelling. I need some peace and quiet. Can my better days come soon?

Watched a show ytd. A woman, not only must possess gd character, soft spoken, must also know how to cook. Good character, i think i 30% pass, soft spoken, depends who and situation. Cooking.... erm, i think i got 40% la, but still not as gd. Therefore, in all, I am not a woman. This explains y, I am only 19 going 20.

A woman shld not always cry. I wont cry in front of others, except my bf. My besties nvr saw me cry b4, even after so many years.

I remembered telling Vin, I want to get married on 20102010... Which is like, 3 yrs from now, when i m 22 going 23. So young right? But dats the date i like. I told him, whether its with u, or another guy, i want to have my wedding on dat date. Hahaz.

That was just a dream la. I hope can fulfilled though. Lets see.... Maybe i shld be single, less troubles for myself.

Guys nvr seem to treasure things that are in front of them. Was talking to Jov, Huz had admitted that he is with the other ger, and both huz n jov has spilted. But, they still behave like couple. The status is not clear, and Huz dun want to talk abt it.

She changed alot for him, her dressing, her behaviour, her habit and everything....She intended to wait, till he gets married. Even if he wans a patch, she will not consider. Where in the world to find such a nice ger?

The reason is, both of them has different religion. Yet, love is too strong between them. The restrictions...

Guys nvr treasures. Serious. When things are gone, they regret. But, they will nvr know how much hurt has been put in, and how the ger has been living when he hurts her heart.

Lucky, he makes amendments. But, he will nvr know, she will nvr be hers again. Even if so, the pure feeling, will not be there again. Just like undergoing a surgery, even if it makes one recovers, the scar will remain...

A simple sms, or a call, to tell us where you are, or that you remember, bring a smile to a girl, warmth to her heart... I seriously hates guys who hurts gers. Coz of their stupid ego, they nvr admit they are wrong. And they will nvr try to make things right.

I really pity her. Before I was with my first bf, i always hear abt such things, and i feel guys are idiots. Dats y i always scold dem. Their brains, i always thought, grow in their butt. Hahaz. Seriously stupid.

If i m a guy, i will treasure her, coz she is a hard to come by lady. It beats better, to have a play girl, who hurts guys. Gers always looks at guys, who love dem more them she loves him. But, this idea, is nvr understood by my opposite sex.

Fat ass me! I had been eating so much lately. Hai... Furthermore Jamie is going away till 28th, that will mean no one to share my lunch with me.

Was talking to mei mei just now, she was asking me abt her poly courses. I find NP Business studies still quite appealing, with an additonal option to major in International Business. I used to take a module on it, and i scored my AD in it. Haiya, if i am give the chance again, i will choose that as my major, instead of torturing myself in Marketing. However, marketing is one of the best in my year. So i nvr regret my choice.

Sis is looking at SP's new diploma Human Resource Management with Psychology.

I would rather she takes that, then to do some other rubbish course. Although the distance is further den NP, but taking a train beats taking a bus, esp when BKE always jam like there is no tomorrow. Both Polys is good for slimming, as their hills are very steep.

She is not considering other Polys, though they are nearer to our hse. Maybe she got influenced by me, if want to do, do the best, and dont regret.

Boy hasnt called me for 2 days. i hope he is doing fine. Off day tml, and this means, driving lessons. I am seriously a slow turtle la. But i dont have time and energy to learn.

The Year end sales are coming. Shall plan what I want to get. Levis' Jeans, Mango or Zara top?

Plans for tomorrow: Trim eyebrow, finish a stupid proposal my client insist me to give her by tml, driving, meet a friend....

Mummy is yaking away again... Shit! I m just home for barely 1 hrs, and she is nagging and nagging. Cant u just SHUT UP! Haiyo, my sister is old enuf for her to think. Let her decide for her own future. It is pointless for us to help her, when she dont want to help herself. Give up on this family sia. Dont know what the hell they are thinking.

Boy just msg me this evening. He managed to do the 1st pull up in his life! Yippy, no more grumbles from him for this failure. Shall encourage him to head towards 3, den to 6. Hope he can do it. Jia You!

Haiyo, many people has been telling me, i m very fierce. Yes, I may be fierce, to protect myself and the people around me. I will only be soft to the peopl I am very close with, or when I am very sick. Dats y boy likes me the most when i am sick. hahaz, coz i wont shout at him. Count yourselves lucky for all the guys that I know recently. The past me will just scold the guy for no reason, and he will just end up getting my scolding with question marks in the brain.

When i first know my ex, and Vin, I oso scolded them, before I got closer with them.....

The world is so small, and I dont know where should I go for the break... I need to escape, from everything... To start myself afresh!

My birthday is coming soon. Argh, the thought of being 20, seriously makes me feel old. No offence to my friends who are already 20, but I cant accept that I am turning with the BIG 2 so soon....

Diet Diet Diet.... i had been eating so much ytd. I shall take 2 meals a day, instead of the usual 3 meals. The third meal shall be some soup or fruits.

I had been neglecting my family members. Friday I m was busy and celebrate the girl's birthday. Sat I stayed over at work, for some wedding stuffs. Slpt at 1am, wake at 5 plus. Alamak! I growing older soon at this rate.

Damn tired, in the end, instead of working the whole day, I went off in the afternoon, went to accompany the boy. Lunch at AMK Hub, eat like a pig. My tummy is bulging out! Den went to his hse for a small nap, before goingtt o Pasir Ris for Dinner at HongKong Cafe! Thereafter, his mum sent me to Ade's house.

Hmmz... GM's birthday. And alot of staffs turned up. Its good to see so many people there. Her kids are so cute and have sharp features. Saw the previous colleague, a lady which my boss dun like. Well, no personal preference, but maybe she is a little too obvious that she dont like him, by wishing everyone, except him. She even wished me, when she dont know who i am.

My boss sent me home, with 3 other women, coz he was on the way to Hougang as well.

Boy, Thanks! I know I have been very ridiculous, and bad tempered, but i am very tired. Its time for me to go on a break for recharge. Hope you can do well for your training, and your little toe to recover soon. I want you to piggyback me!!! Waiting, waiting, waiting...

I m behaving like a little kid, not like a mature ger that I used to be. Coz, i am almost 20. Soon. So, let me enjoy some last childhood, before I move on to my 20th, the big 2.

This is the 300th post that I have entried, with my old blog posts.

Elaine, happy 20th Birthday. Hope we can celebrate more of your birthdays. I love you. Hahaz. So les right? Mich, Kris, Elaine... U gers will nvr be forgotten by me. My best sisters.

Went to Vivo after work, rushing all the way, to meet the gers, and had dinner at Swensens, spending around $40. Ok la, I am working, comparing to them.

Dint take any pictures with them today, wasted.

Anyway, when i was on the MRT to vivo today, I saw this couple. The ger was explaining sth to the guy, but this guy tried to agrue, thereafter, he put on his earpiece and tried to study. The ger continue to talk, explaining herself, however, the guy put his earphone to full blast, and refused to listen. The ger got frustrated, and starts to irritate him. And they starts to quarrel. The ger began to keep quiet, i look at her eyes, its teary. She has given up hope, and I can feel the pain in the heart. However, the guy is not attentive tot he ger at all. After 5 mins, when he realise the ger is keeping quiet, he starts talking to her, but she ignored him.

Sometimes, I wonder, whose fault is it? I dont know. The ger's encounter, is sth i always felt, when i was with him. He never knew what I wanted, and what I am thinking. When I tried telling him, he simply brush it off. I may seem like nth, someone unimportant, as always, but when u need a ger beside you, you try to sweet talk. Is girls' purpose of survival in this world, is to entertain you guys?

He just called, to persuade me to meet him tomorrow night. I shall try, but feel bad leaving jamie behind. But, he says, he might have guard duty next week, thereafter got field camp. Ya, hard work, but i m oso feeling difficult to make my decision over here. I hope he can just understand, but i understand he badly wants to see me. Hai... Seriously, i dont know how. He always put me in such situations, that I dont like.

Then when i came home from Serangoon on MRT, there was this weird guy who left his bag behind. Funny, and some teenagers run after him with the bag. So dramatic.

Not coming home tomorrow. I cant make up my mind which country I wan to visit in January.

Today is the 18th, and tml, will be 19th, the date that the girls will meet up, to celebrate dearest Elaine's 20th Birthday. Since secondary school, we will nvr fail to celebrate hers. I miss my girlies, and the fun we had. Ok, I am the youngest among them, but i m definately the most mature of all.

Facebook is another kind of friendster. My friends had been adding me in it, but, i m not as active there yet. Work is quite alright, but sad that I got to work tml. Nvm, it will be fun, just like these few days. I will be positive.

The boy booked out ytd, as he hurts his toe. Met him just now to send him in. I seriously sent him in lor, to SAF ferry terminal. I will be damn busy this weekend, hopefully my flu can recover soon, I dun wan to be classified as the number 1 flu virus carrier, as 2 of my colleagues have kena. Lucky the person sitting next to me has strong immune, if not, i guess if there is a third person who kena, I might as well go see doctor and take MC.

Why am I always so weak... Why why why...

Had dinner at Hongkong cafe, as Mr Kok says he wans to eat sth gd, before going back Tekong, and he paid for it. Haiya, as usual lor. I m not a spolit girlfriend, but my bf wants it, so i m usually ok with his plans.

I have set my mind. I will concentrate on my driving now, den take financial lessons, while waiting for 21st birthday to come, before I decide which Uni i want to enrol myself in.

I want to watch the movie Rendition, it is a M18 show, now under sneak preview. Anyone wants to watch?

What shall I wear for the girl celebration tml?

Mummy is doing her rants now, on my sis's results. Hai, that girl,high possibility that she is going to fail her J1 again. Mummy just went.... Eileen, u r the oldest of all. With the saying that " Eldest acts a parent when the parents are away", so I should handle my sister. She wants me to tell speak to her about her future.

I dont see the point. They are my siblings, and since young, I am very jealous about their cleverness. Now, my parents are getting so proud of me of passing my Poly smoothly. I dont need my parents to worry for me, and I know what I want. But, my siblings being so much cleverer den me, can think for themselves. What can i do? Counsel them? They have to face that they have done, not within my control.

I may not be a gd sister, but, i have shown to them, that me being not intelligent like them, can work my way up. Its just up to them whether they want to work hard for what they want.

I cant be bothered to nag. And i hate to nag at people. I just leave her to do what she likes, as long as she dont regret her decision.

In the past, my parents cant be bothered with how i fare in my results, so long that i can pass. I am always a sidekick. But now, my siblings failed, then they starts to treasure me. I look at the past, to the present.

I was reading Cleo just now. There was this test that i did, on Paranoid. The stress expert said that " Paranoia is a natural part of the human psyche", but it depends on individual on how paranoid each person is.

From the test, it shows that I am quite a paranoid person. Quite. Its true that my ex's impact on my relationships matters alot, and i dont trust people easily. I can get suspicious easily, unless you can convince me. I trust my instinct and 6th sense alot. Vin has become the victim of my past relationship. But he himself, is probably getting a karma, coz he used to be a playboy mahx.

Loyalty and faithfulness is my perfect vision in what I want to have from people around me. Heart to heart talk with me? Wait till u know me very well, like my best friends who had been with me for more than 7 years.

Hai, 19th I got to work. meaning I cant enjoy myself as much for Elaine's birthday. I miss the darling gers, the times we had in secondary school. Its not easy, for us to move on from being so close everyday, to the times where all four of us went to different courses in 2 polys, to now where one of us doing degree in govt uni, one is private uni, and the other two working. Thanks girls, for all the support. :) They are the ones who know me better then anyone in this world, not even Alvin.

Chatted with my ex colleague, Yvonne on my future studies. I m looking at some degree that is joint major, Bachelor of Commerce with Double Majors, Hospitality and Tourism Management and Marketing, OR Bachelor of Arts with Double Major -Psychology and Marketing Management of some private institution.

Not Psychology again. But the prospect of Tourism industry dont sound too good for me. I m intending to have 2 paths for me choose in future. So i would like to have 2 majors as back up. UniSIM has a limit for me to be 21 year old before I can make my application, which is 2 yrs later.

I dont like to do things that i will regret. I shall listen to more advices to see how I want to continue. Maybe before I turn 21, after i get my driving license, i shall proceed to getting a private financial degree first, then to go for better degrees. Looks like I am doing a bit in every field.

There are more votes for PSP den DS.... But, I still cant make up my mind. Or maybe I shall just save up, and go to the States to find Yvonne, since she is having her holidays soon.

Time passes so fast, especially after I left school. Hai, pple grow old so soon. I was hoping, my 20th year will not come.. Since young, i have been wanted to grow up, and acting mature. Maybe being young is good.

Work is alright la, times passes damn fast today. But i m very slpy, coz my running nose tap drip from 8am till now, at 9pm.Gosh! I used alot of tissues lor.

I dont know if i shld buy psp slim or nintendo... Haiz. 19th i got 2 driving lessons, den go to elaine's bdae celebration! My bestie is 20 yr old. Soon it will be kris's den mine. So soon.

My back problem is getting more problem. Hai. I m not happy! Maybe my goal in life has not been identified yet. We shall see, maybe i shall see my plans soon.

Hahaz, I have nvr seen a guy so stupid la. Gers like guys to be frank, not beat about the bush. Hahaz. Cant stand them for being so blockhead. I shall remain blur, since he is so anxious about his ego.

So sorry for the mood swings that I had been having these few days, especially to the victim to my nonsense, vin....

He just booked in. We went Sentosa today, dint tan,coz the young boss says he has enuf of the sun in Tekong, so we just did fish reflexology and we went off.... I shall buy Nintendo DS lite... White or Pink.... Can anyone tell me, which colour is better? Or shall I buy PSP Slim? Yes, I know I am very indecisive. I need some suggestions.

Spoke to him abt the trip i want to make, he objects me leaving alone, but gave his consent to allowing me to go with guys. Hmmz, who shall i go with den? Shall pick my list soon.

Daddy booked a chalet for my birthday, so dat means I will have to plan for my off days. It has been damn long, since the whole family go out together.

Vin makes me a happy girl today. Thanks. Shall miss u soon. I shall give u another chance to our relationship. Sorry for flaring up at you. I am really sick of those stupid pple, jaming up places.

I m unhappy abt his dad. Idiot la. Went to his hse from Sentosa, his dad says they will be leaving home at 7pm to send him to camp. So, we went amk... at 6.15, dat idiot called and want us back immediately. We were delayed awhile, and boy's hp is not working. His dad flare up, and my boy got angry. The first time i see him got so angry. Hmmz... His dad is ridiculous. Its him who says 7pm, yet the person who called at 6.15 to disturb his beauty slp is not us. He puts all the blame and anger on us for nth. I shld have scolded him back.

Another thing is, when i arrived at his hse and boy is doing his packing, his dad came out of the room. I dint expect him to be in. He was naked with just a towel wrapped ard. I greeted him, and he says sorry. Den he starts wandering ard in the hse. Allen told him oei oei, got ger leh. And Allen added, Anyway is daughter-in-law. Stupid la. Notty Allen.

Hai.. Tml i m working alone, its monday! Monday blues and all. I want to go Miami. But that is my future goal. For now.... I shall plan to go overseas in January or Feburary, just dislike going overseas during school holidays, when i have to squeeze in the crowds. I am too impatient for crowds. I shall pick somewhere that is slow paced with scenery.

Maybe I shld learn some yoga, to cultivate my patience. My meditation and reflection today, reflect my bad endurance. I need to be more patient.

Oh yes, Alvin says, teachers are kind hearted pple, with lots of patience. So i told him, go back to Lena then. His ex is a Teacher. She is very soft hearted, unlike me, with chili temper. Instead, he wans me to be a teacher. I guess I will go bersak with all the little kids. I used to hate kids, and animals. Now I m alright with both, but, i dont really love them yet.

I did some tutoring 2 yrs back, when i first know Alvin, and when we were doing underground dating...Dat little kid is damn irritating, yet I cant resist teaching him, coz he is so cute n innocent, but very naughty. Thats the nature of all kids. Dats also why I love to see Jorin too, she is so adorable yet she is naughty, she can be obedient whenever I tell her nicely.

But when I saw a kid screaming at the top of the voice, I told Alvin, if he is mine, I sure slap him. Alvin says, he too. Hahaz, we are horrible people. Vin still claims he loves kids. Maybe when I have my own kids, I will love them. Dont know.

Alvin told me, my softness to him, should applies to him only. I told him, its for my boyfriends only. Not boy-friend. So those boy-friends, will still enjoy getting tortured by me.

Gers can be blur at hints sometimes, but sometimes, we choose to ignore. If one were to tell us direct, we either catch it or we dun. So, this is a tricky qn, where it comes to question and answer.

Ego, is something everyone has. It is just whether the person's is stronger then others. Some pple, have strong ego, will nvr be able to achieve what they want to do, coz they are afraid of failure. Failure at times, can improvise you, its a learning journey.

Shall I watch David Copperfield? Like Sabbi said, he is old le, and the previous time he came was 6 yrs ago. Its a rare opportunity, and it might be the last as well.... Hmmz, hard to decide, coz the dates and the timing dun suits me. But den again, I hate to regret. Shall make my decision soon, and just leave it behind me..... Go or dun go....

Thanks. I dont know what else to say to u, but, i duno who else will be able to tone me down as much as u can..... But I still must say, I am sorry. The feelings, i tried very hard to search back, but i am still in the trying mode.

Okok, i admit I am a chilli padi. But at least, I am very nice to you. The dinner was nice. We met for a while, den he sent me home, before going to CHIJMES to meet his bunk mates. I dun understand la, he told me he is tired from soccer, but still can go CHIJMES, when i told him i wan go Sentosa tml. Guys, are always guys, loyalty and faith comes first.

Well, maybe thats good oso, I hope nxt time when i ask him abt Love or Bread, he can have the same idea as me...

Where shall i go for holiday? Taiwan? New Zealand? Australia? I want to go somewhere with nice natural scenery, leaving all worries behind, just enjoy myself. . I might be going alone, since noboday can go with me, 6 months I have been staying in Singapore, I will need some break soon. I like nature. But, my back problem, i cant travel much with heavy bags. Sianz... Shall plan for alternatives.

Did some receptionist duties today, its damn difficult. We did all those stupid stunts, and i sucks la... Ok, i know someone is unhappy abt me again.

For those of my frenz who knows me well enuf, will know my instinct and the words i said,are usually accurate. Just because u r a lady, doesnt mean u dun need to heed the advice dat, dun mess with ladies! I can predict my own O levels results, can u? Mind u, my results figure are exactly the ones i told my besties, before the results are released.

Pardon me, i really cant stand those pple. Maybe like what i told Jamie, i m very nice to pple i m close with, but i m not on gd relations with pple like others. Those pple shld not judge pple with colours, and i will not do likewise to dem. I tot after dat event, everything could have gone back to normal, but after what i saw today, it is not settled.

Gossips... Now i know how it spread le. Sitting there for the whole day, I oso get to hear some things dat i dont know, and i dont wish to know.

Vin will not be happy to see i m so notorious. I tried toning down, but i really hate those pple, who tried to put words into my mouth, telling me off for things that i did not do. Just becoz i m not pretty like u, just becoz i m just a small ger, doesnt mean i can accept all these nonsense without arguing back , and just accept everything as it is, but i want peace, i dont want enemies.

Damn! I shall not be upset about all these pple. I must be happy, so that pple ard me will be happy as well. Sometimes, no matter how unhappy i m, I should remain positive. :) For the sake of the others, i shall forgive and forget....

I m sorry, this is something dat i m not able to tell u when i see u. When i met u, i felt more tired and irritated. I know u have been trying to make me happy.

Sorry...

We tried our best, i know. U r the bf that most gers would want, but, i really feel very stress with u. U know when you told me to stay over at ur hse tonight, i tried rejecting. Then u told me to send u home, i understand ur meaning, but i find it hard to reject u. I tried explaining my reasons, but u kept telling me to do as u want, until u unhappily told me u accepted my reasons.

Y is it so difficult for us to communicate...

Sometimes, I just feel like crying in front of u when u cant understand, but this time, no tears came out, to make u soft heart on me, maybe i have given up hope... I dun wish to close my heart on u, just like what i did to royston. Coz u are the one, who opened it again. Yet, u r oso the one, who gave me more scars den what he gave me...

I know you love me alot, but like i told u before, the past affects the present. I know u will tell me that, i should not be bothered abt the past.

But, have u thought how much u hurt me in the past? Both of us tried so much, and i dont want to hurt u. I dont know how to put across to u, just hope, u can be like what u used to be, the guy who understands me the most.

U told me i m too busy for u. Where were u when i need u so much? I understand u have ur responsibility for the country, i understand u love ur family, and the business, u want to outshine and have a company of your own. i know when u dont have time for me, i kept quiet. When i m busy, u complained...Have u thought of what I want....

You told me to be independent when u r not around. yet u want me to be the little ger who rely and listens to u when u r ard. Wow, how to achieve that? Maybe u can teach me?

Before I know u, and roy, i was an independent ger, who shield my sisters, my best friends... Everything changed me. I am not the ger whom I was 3 years ago.

Ok, enought of my rantings for him... I had been busy today. Work in morning, driving in afternoon, den wait for the boy for 2 hrs... great Yeah! Travelling form Tanah Merah to Yio Chu Kang in rain, and tried driving on slope in rain. Then went all the way back to Pasir Ris... How to not be tired...While waiting for him, i bought reader digest to accupy myself...

Y am I always waiting for u? Cant u do the other way round? Like ur mom said, asking me to call u always, will only make me feel more tired of the rs when time passes.....

Singlehood is not sth i desire, but, when things cant work, maybe thats the last solution. I m seriously tired of everything. Shall plan for a trip overseas soon. Even if it meant that I go on my own. I just want to have a break from all these troubles and worries... I don't know who else can understand what i m going through, but i hate myself now. Hai, my hair is going white with all these problems.

Went out wif Roy ytd, a juggy i met at expo working.... after my driving lesson... He is quite an ok guy, i know dear will not be happy to know i met him, but i m really bored la.

Went to "buckaroo bbq and grill" at Sembawang. Its a nice ambience place. Went wif my colleagues, CY, Don, James, Aaron, Justin after a meeting. Me, a lonely girl among the guys, what they chat about, are question marks for me.

I had been talking wif Jovelle lately, dint know some pple can treat girls in such a way. He is a perfect guy, but, maybe not the perfect one for matters of heart. I hope this poor girl can pick herself up.

Tml i am having driving again, slope. Gosh! Dont know how m i going to survive it. Driving is getting fun, and i m less afraid, at least, my biting point is no problem now.

Hai, I am tired of everything. Tml he is coming out again. He ask me to stay over at his place for the weekends, but i had told him i cant. Hope he can understand. I need a big tree in my life. I m tired. I want to escape at times, but, there are so many things i cant let go.

I heard about the story of Jov n Huz.... hai... I knew it for very long, but one of dem had not been telling me the truth. Sometimes, it might be the girl being over paranoid, it could also be the guy in the wrong.They ended in Aug. I miss Jov anyway. Its nice to hear that, I still have her ard. i have great friends.

No matter wat is the case, like Alvin always says, he love me, not just like. love n like, is different. I may like u as a fren, but it does not mean i will love u to be my bf.

Somethings, when you missed the chance, you will end up regretting.

I know i have hurt you, with what I told you yesterday. Thank you for being so understanding, but my feelings for you, is only for weekends only. You are also aware, that my weekends I will have to work. No matter how tired I am, I tried to accompany you as much as I can.

I am glad to have you, the feeling of being a princess. I m having insomnia. haiz...

I have a secret today...

Eileen is not happy... I miss him alot, yet, the special feelings is not there...

I will be on Shopping Ban for the next 2 months... i hope i can curb myself from all the you huo.... I want to save money....

I guess i had so many faces, which i dont know who i m already. Haiz...

I want to study. :( I want to study something professional, something that I like. I hope my car driving will be going on well...

Bee is coming out tml. I duno. Felt sad....

Hate, can nvr resolve hate. Only Forgiveness can...

Lost, Regret, Treasure... Is what all of us will go through. It actually depends, on whether we choose to treasure first, den when we lost, we will not regret. Or we nvr treasure, and when we lost, we regret terribly.

I love u, and treasure u. When u came out frm camp on 28th Sept... I felt i m the luckiest ger ard. I asked u the same qn again, u told me to trust u. I will trust u again, and i hope u will nvr lie to me again

I trust u with my whole heart, my weak heart, will nvr wish to be shattered again.i need u, as my vitamin, to rebuild it again.