I m sorry, this is something dat i m not able to tell u when i see u. When i met u, i felt more tired and irritated. I know u have been trying to make me happy.

Sorry...

We tried our best, i know. U r the bf that most gers would want, but, i really feel very stress with u. U know when you told me to stay over at ur hse tonight, i tried rejecting. Then u told me to send u home, i understand ur meaning, but i find it hard to reject u. I tried explaining my reasons, but u kept telling me to do as u want, until u unhappily told me u accepted my reasons.

Y is it so difficult for us to communicate...

Sometimes, I just feel like crying in front of u when u cant understand, but this time, no tears came out, to make u soft heart on me, maybe i have given up hope... I dun wish to close my heart on u, just like what i did to royston. Coz u are the one, who opened it again. Yet, u r oso the one, who gave me more scars den what he gave me...

I know you love me alot, but like i told u before, the past affects the present. I know u will tell me that, i should not be bothered abt the past.

But, have u thought how much u hurt me in the past? Both of us tried so much, and i dont want to hurt u. I dont know how to put across to u, just hope, u can be like what u used to be, the guy who understands me the most.

U told me i m too busy for u. Where were u when i need u so much? I understand u have ur responsibility for the country, i understand u love ur family, and the business, u want to outshine and have a company of your own. i know when u dont have time for me, i kept quiet. When i m busy, u complained...Have u thought of what I want....

You told me to be independent when u r not around. yet u want me to be the little ger who rely and listens to u when u r ard. Wow, how to achieve that? Maybe u can teach me?

Before I know u, and roy, i was an independent ger, who shield my sisters, my best friends... Everything changed me. I am not the ger whom I was 3 years ago.

Ok, enought of my rantings for him... I had been busy today. Work in morning, driving in afternoon, den wait for the boy for 2 hrs... great Yeah! Travelling form Tanah Merah to Yio Chu Kang in rain, and tried driving on slope in rain. Then went all the way back to Pasir Ris... How to not be tired...While waiting for him, i bought reader digest to accupy myself...

Y am I always waiting for u? Cant u do the other way round? Like ur mom said, asking me to call u always, will only make me feel more tired of the rs when time passes.....

Singlehood is not sth i desire, but, when things cant work, maybe thats the last solution. I m seriously tired of everything. Shall plan for a trip overseas soon. Even if it meant that I go on my own. I just want to have a break from all these troubles and worries... I don't know who else can understand what i m going through, but i hate myself now. Hai, my hair is going white with all these problems.