I cant slp well last night. Thinking of gong gong, the number of times which I have seen him in the past 3 years 6 months. His smiley face...

I am worried for Alvin. I remember he told me before, in his heart, Allen rank number 1, his mum second, his grandparents 3rd, I am the fourth, followed by him dad the 5th.

His grandparents had brought him up, when the family left Pasir Ris, bringing the two brothers to school. When people bully Alvin in school, Gong Gong will scold the person, and warn him from doing it again. Alvin, in short, known as Ah Vin, gong gong will pronounce as Ah Bin. Cute lor!

I am worry for alvin, becoz he loves his grandfather so much. I can feel he is very sad. But there is nothing I can do, if he dont tell me, or refuse my care n concern. Haiz...

Gong gong leave le...

Gong gong, rest in peace. I m very glad to have met you, the best guy I ever met. Though you might be stubborn at times, but i can see, you treat po po and everyone very well.

Gong gong, i believe you already know, I know you will leave today. I m sorry i cant visit you on monday n tuesday this week, though i have made up my mind to see you after work, but you grandsons do not wan me to interfere in the business.

Gong gong, though I cant see you for the last time, I know you are happy, to leave now. The only person, you cant let go de, is po po. I know you want to see me and alvin get married. Gong gong, I know you are very happy I enrolled in Uni le. Not to worry, I will try to persuade Alvin to study de.

Thank you, for treating me like your grand daughter-in-law, seeing you so happy whenever i see you, I feel, it is a blessing to know you.

Gong gong, Rest in Peace. Please bless po po to jia you, live on her life bravely. Please dont let her cry every night. Gong gong, having cancer, is very pain in your body. Leaving now, gives you better peace, lesser pain, i can understand absolutely.

Gong gong, I miss you alot. And, like Alvin, I love you too, because i treat you like my gong gong too. :)

If you have anything to tell the rest, and if you cant tell them, do come into my dream, I will convey for you. Hope to dream of you soon.

Loving a person, does not mean I must have him as mine. As long as he is happy, have a happy life, I think, i should feel happy for him.

It doesnt matter how long I had him, it is about we have a very special relationship before. If the past was love and special, if we ever have a future, it will be a bonus to me.

Maybe, I have learnt, to just keep the love to him, to myself. I hope, he will lead a happy and less stressful life.

Below, is a song, which i have used in my other blog, before i started this blog. This song, represent my feelings to him now, it shall always be my favourite song...

I am doing this post, in memory of our love, since 26-07-2005...

Baby I love you and I'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we made can never be erased
And I promise you that you will never be replaced

I love you, yes I do
I'll be with you as long as you want me to
Until the end of time

From the day I met you I knew we'd be together
And now I know I wanna be with you forever
I wanna marry you and I wanna have your kids
Thinking never compared to the feeling of your kisses

I can say I'm truly happy to this day
You made think I better live my life everyday
There's never been a doubt in my mind
That I regret ever having you by my side

But if the day comes that I have to let you go
I think there's somthin' I should probably let you know
That I enjoyed everyday that I spend with you
And I will miss you but I'm happy that I had you at all

Baby I love you and I'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we made can never be erased
And I promise you that you will never be replaced(2X)

I love you ohh yes I doI'll be with you as long as you want me to
Until the end of time

1st Lady - Baby I Love You lyrics

Living in the World, of this blog...

I remember this song, which he sang to me... I always cry in this arms, whenever he sing this song, because, I dont want to part with him.



Today, I listen again, Tears came down, together with the heartache... I would love to hug him again, holding his hands, and listen to him sing to me again.... But.... everything.....



ARTIST: Lin Jun Jie, JJ Lin (林俊傑) ALBUM: Music Voyager (樂行者)Songwriter: 張思爾; Composer: JJ LinTranslator: bloodredrosez, keep this credit if taking for use or reposting. This is the only translation of this song out there like this, and possibly the only translation at all.



一九四三　世界大戰　yi jiu si san　shi jie da zhanIn the year 1943, the world war—
阿嬤年輕的時候a ma nian qing de shi hou
When grandmother was young

爺爺愛他那麼多　他們感情很深
ye ye ai ta na me duo　ta men gan qing hen shen
Grandfather loved her so much, their feelings were very deep

但是爺爺　身負重任　
dan shi ye ye　shen fu zhong ren　
But grandfather bore a heavy responsibility

就在離鄉的那夜
jiu zai li xiang de na ye
And on the night before his departure

給了阿嬤一個吻　輕聲說道
gei le a ma yi ge wen　qing shen shuo dao
Gave grandmother a kiss, softly saying

*我要離去　別再哭泣　不要傷心　請你相信我wo yao li qu　bie zai ku li　bu yao shang xin　qing ni xiang xin wo
I must go, do not weep, do not grieve, please trust me

要等待　我的愛　陪你永不離開
yao deng dai　wo de ai　pei ni yong bu li kai
You must wait; my love is with you, it will never leave

因為會有那麼一天　
yin wei hui you na me yi tian
because that day will come when

我們牽著手在草原聽
wo men qian zhe shou zai cao yuan ting
we will hold hands and in the grasslands hear

鳥兒歌唱的聲音　聽我說聲　我愛你niao er ge chang de sheng yin　ting wo shuo shen　wo ai ni
The sound of little birds singing and my voice saying I love you
夕陽西下　鳥兒回家　
xi yang xi xia　niao er hui jia　
The sun set in the west, the little birds return home

阿嬤躺在病床上a ma zai bing chuang shang
Grandmother lies on her sickbed

呼吸有一點散漫　眼神卻很溫柔
hu xi you yi dian san man　yan shen que hen wen rou
She breathes a little unrhythmically, but her expression is still tender
看著爺爺　濕透的眼　握著他粗糙的手kan zhe ye ye　shi tou de yan　wo zhe ta cu cao di shou
She looks at grandfather, moisture filling her eyes, grasping his rough hand

阿嬤淚水開始流　輕聲說道
a ma lei shui kai shi liu　qing shen shuo dao
Grandmother’s tears begin to flow, softly saying

*Repeat chorus twice
我愛你wo ai niI love you

It is a blessing to be with the person you love...

Alvin, do you remember the day you put on the ring on my fourth finger, and you told me you hope I can marry you? Although then I do not want to promise you anything then, in my heart, I have already set you, as my Hubby.



Hearing from wenya that if I have agreed that proposal...me n you would not hav break up. In your heart, you also know I have regard you as my fiance le, if what Wenya said is true, then you should not have said the break up, because you have committments!

I will wait for u, to ask me the question formally.



Muackx.

I meet him today. Thank you, for letting me tell u everything, which I want to tell you.

No matter what you say, I belief, our relationship is a unique one. Let us see, after September 2009, if we will still be together.

26th Dec, supposedly to be our 3 yr n 5 mth. I hate such feeling, becoz I m starting to hate myself. Becoz of my clumsy things, it caused our breakup.

I have moved on to http://little-place-of-eileen.blogspot.com/

Merry Christmas to all. The first time in this 4 yrs, I have to spend this lonely festive season at home. How great!

Yesterday after work, he came my house to fetch me to Tiong Bahru for dinner and movie "YesMan".

We ate Burger King. Just as I have expected, he has absolute craving for the Burger King. We went to Henderson Carpark to take a rest before our Movie starts at 12 midnight. We had a goody great time.

Alvin, I apologise for the spill in the water in the car. But, it was unintentional. If you recall properly, yes, you did told me to hold on to the bottle. But, I put it on the floor since I got to put on my seat belt. Your great driving skill did a sharp turn, plus my carelessness, which resulted the spill in the water.

Please recap the details. Apology have been said to you. Though we are friends now, remember the course we went to? The lecturer said, Forgive those who should be forgived, and be responsible.

It was my mistake, but it was partly yours too. If you think it is entirely my fault, so be it.

Thank you for spending the Christmas Eve with me. I will remember this day forever.

16 days since the break up... You make me feel scared of relationships le. I am starting to get afraid and dislike guys. When I used to say, "I love you" so easily, even if you want me to said it to you now, I will hestiate, because the impact in this long 16 days had been utterly great, and unforgettable.

Taking one step at a time...

Something dat I learn from my course today...

Treasure what you should treasure, forgive what you should forgive.

"Discipline when you are young, and you will be freed when you are older." This means that I should have discipline in saving for the rainy days. When I am older, I will have lesser needs to work to make my ends meet. True huh!

Yesterday, my ex boss, Don's 31st birthday celebration in our ex company. Damn fun ok! I bet Clara regrets deeply not coming cause she forgot abt it.

The whole thing started at 6.30pm, at the poolside, bbq session. Alot of food, we saw alot of ex colleagues. Pple from the club present was Lthena, Ping, Rose, Me, Justin, CY...

Well, eat and talk over some wine, and we took some pictures after the cake cutting ceremony. Cool, because we managed to trick Don and throw him into the water! Woohoo! I got the pictures and videos, everyone is dying to get their hands on it, coz it is very hildarious.

Today, after slping at the unearthly hour of 3am to 7am, I head down to his house for our course. As his grandfather is in hospital now, we head down to Changi Hospital to see him. As usual, his grandparents were asking me and telling me if I got continue my studies, wanting me to tell him to go for his Uni after his NS.

After dat, we went for the course from 12 noon till 6pm.

Dont ask me what is our relationship like now. Because I really duno. One step at a time bah. We shall see how we can really progress.

Now, its world war 3 in my hse. Damn frustrating, to come home and get irritated by these pple. Just shut up! Noisy!

They shld just go for a 3 months holiday sia, and give us some peace.

Moved to my little secret place for now, because he reads this blog. I just want some peace as I dun feel secured anymore.

Disappearing for now....

Yesterday, 13th December, after work at Kovan, i head down to amk to meet him, go his hse, den we went down to Marina Bay, Marina Barrage together, to meet WH and Ken.

We dint patch. But instead, the break was spoken face to face. It slap me hard and furious. I was completely lost.

I returned the keys to him. But i found the other set though. After Marina Barrage, we hard lunch plus dinner at Carl's Jr at Marina Bay. Around 8 plus, the guys wanted to play Mahjong at Ken's hse. So he sent me to the MRT station. We had a long talk, for 1 hr 30 mins, just weeping and telling about the journey we walked down together. Long indeed, but there is no way I can make him change his mind about it.

Thank huh, 7 stabs u gave me. U promised me to take Singapore Flyer tgt, go Japan tgt, watch Song of the Sea tgt. I promised the artwork, and the movie Journey to the Centre of the Earth. I hope someday, we can fulfill all these together.

Do you remember this sms u sent to me? ' A long journey indeed... A longer journey ahead... Together. :)'

He is having dinner with his family now. But dumb dumb him, return the keys to his mum, and his mum is very smart to found out we break le. So he is facing some family questioning now.

I told my sis not to mention about my bf ytd, cause we quarrel. I dint want them to think too much. Just as I have expected, she told my parents. When I came back from Kaiyan's place today, my dad and mum was harping on how nice my bf was, doting me, giving way to me, a very hard to get person.

How I wish to tell them, the break up is not I initiated de. I love him so much. But, sometimes, things cannot be forced. To my parents now, it is my fault, that caused everything.

Dear God, please help me. Please answer my prayers and give me the strength. Please...

Condolences to Lloyd's family. For those who have read tonight's Wan Bao, will probably have seen the headlines of a young man who passed away in a motor accident.

Thank you Lloyd, for teaching us on how a project shld be done, for our IB project, RM project when we are in poly. :)

Take care.

Break Up...

After 3 years 4 mths and 15 days, we break up le. I will miss him alot. But i promised not to call him, or meet him, until he is ready again. I duno, I dun feel secured.

I will learn to grow up. This msn nick "*ELiN*=RaPpigiE=* Pigotong says:" will be changed from today onwards. I will work hard, save money, work hard, slim down, make myself pretty. Make him regret, or maybe make him remember for life.

I will remember this man for life. Who make me love him so much, smile, laugh, sad, angry, unhappy...

Whether we will have the chance to be together again, or eventually I will hate you for what happen now eventually, I am glad and will not regret to have know you.

This blog states our love story, until I get the final answer from him. If this is the final answer, I will leave this blog, and will never undate again. I will give my friends the new blog add again. :)

Eileen comes back again.

Separation

Living in self denial. mayb... I miss him. But, today morning, when i picked up my hp, the first sms was from him. We have agreed to be separated for a while. Sometimes, or maybe, usually, when couples separate, they might not be together le.

:(

I duno. My whole mind is full of him. Tears threatened to drop down. did an 1hour of OT today. Make lots of mistakes today. That place is horrible. I m counting down to 6.5 days...

I wan his blanket. I dun care, going to get from his hse soon.

Went to Casey Lim's wedding lunch yesterday at expo. My first time to a wedding lunch, and the first time i pack an ang bao for people. Woohoo! Exciting. The food is ok, but the waiters keep rushing us. The whole 10 course lunch, was finished in 1 hour 50 mins, freaking fast.

The waiter, when serving us with the fish, told us, "please help yourself, enjoy ur meal slowly". Then I whispered in a very loud voice to my CSM; " Tell me how to eat slowly, when they always come to rush us within 5 mins when we dig in to the new dish"

My boss was laughing, " that is a good one Eileen!" Lol, true what!

Mummy and daddy went Batam yesterday. I went Tampines to buy my Famous Amos. Meet my bf at 8.30pm at his place, den we head down to AMK Hub to have Ichiban sushi. I ate a bit only, drank most of the Japanese Green Tea. Nice woah! Baby and I enjoy this season's special, the puffer fish. BF treated me to this meal.

Cute bf came over my place at night to zzz with me. :) Baby and I watched "It all started with a kiss" from 11pm till 2am. Yippee! Can see this cute bf enjoyed himself.

Woke up at a goody good time of 11am this morning, make breakfast for him, and we continue with the show "It all started with a kiss", till 1.15am, where I hurrily ran down to bathe and head down his hse, coz his bro's gf coming his place to pass his sth.

He drives us down to Novena, where we had a very delicious lunch at Pasta de Waraku, this time I treat, total damage for today with the cab in the morning to his place, is $50. We saw Yao Yu Shu, a mediacorp artiste there. She is very very pretty and gentle. We had Hereshy's Sundae Pie, delicious.

I am still thinking if i shld get the hair curler from Novena... $250 woah. Expensive, but, seems like really good. The person tried on my hair, he was so excited to see me. Probably due to my long long hair bahx. In ten seconds, he managed to make a part of my hair into bouncy curls. But of course, my hair got dry after dat. :(

Going to Kovan tomorrow. God bless man, hopefully everything will go smoothly tml. No stupid and demanding customers.

Somehow, i just feel that we are drifting apart. Duno, maybe it is my own emotional factors.

Went downt to Bugis with Mummy to settle my Uni things. Baby's first time out with my mum, n he was late for 15 mins. Good job huh! Nevermind, all are settled, and I am gonna start school in May 2009. Hopefully the economy turns better by then, so that I can find a less taxing job and concentrate on my studies.

This mth is gonna be a busy busy month, I m posted to do relief at Kovan side for the next 9 days, from 8th onwards. Good and bad. Good is that start work early, end work early, plus more $$. Bad coz not my own base, so feel not like home. :(

20th is my ex boss's bdae at the club, so it will be time for me to head there again, after a lapse of 4 months since my resignation.

21st is self pampering time, facial at 3.30pm.

23rd after work I got my branch's Christmas Party. Got to get a present for this party, after that got to rush down to meet my dearest girlfrieds, coz they too are having some party, plus clubbing sessions.

25th is the fun Christmas day.

31st is New Year eve. Havent decided where to count down. May be I should ask baby how he wants to have it....

He is having Mahjong now. Probably he will be staying over at my place tomorrow's night. Missing this sweetheart of mine.

Missing him... Soooo tired at work today! Shall not elborate on it. Tomorrow will be a better day.

He just smses me at 10.50pm " Baby... New fever n asthma, on the way to a Med Centre =x"

Poor boy... Anyway, thinking of it... it might be good if he got mc tomorrow... coz... I got half day off tomorrow. Lalala!

Yeah! Just received his sms, 'tml mc ' I m so delighted! Not because I m happy he is sick, but I can take care of him.

Took photos of my birthday presents le... Will upload it when I m free bahx!