I am a lucky girl, with lots of food to eat. Yeah, if there is a heavyweight championship, i will top the female category. What i ate today:

Morning: bread with nutella, bun, calcium drink
Lunch: Mui fan (3/4), chicken soup, tibits, potong ice cream, turkey meat (thanks Steven)
Dinner: BBQ at downtown east with 2 chicken wings, 3 satays, soft drink, beehoon

How to not fat, when i eat so much. I will go on strict diet. 2 meals a day, breakfast and dinner. I hope i can do so sia, coz i will end up having lunch with my colleagues, coz they sure say i m not fat. But my face is seriously getting so meaty and rounder. :( super upset.

I want to sign up the salsa course on 15th dec, but, we have a family day on the date. Thinking to go on half day, but, not sure if my boss will allow or not. I really want to learn. Haiz.

Its nice to hear from frens whome u seldom met, telling you, hey i miss you! Thanks girls. These ladies had been very sweet.

My birthday list, ended up with most of my colleagues. Coz it is a monday, my aunts are invited, but they cant attend, coz, of my cousin's wedding the following day. Maybe i shall not go back work on 27th, since i m being told to work on 24th, hmph! My colleagues age range from 23 to 50 plus, whereby 40s and 50s are higher, so, i guess daddy is going to have a shock with pple of his age. Hahahz.

My pretty ladies are probably coming. Do come girls, i misses u gers, though we just met a couple of days ago. You girls got to show my colleagues, that i m fat, while the 3 of u are the perfect figure. Yes!

The list goes:
- Ping
- Clara
- Rose
- Steven
- Chris
- Jamie
- Don
- Chee yang
- Mr Sim
- Kristen
- Elaine
- Michelle
- Xavier

I m planning for my food now. Dont know which package to take. As usual, the indecisive me.

Oh yes, just now at downtown east, Jamie, Chris and I got hooked on a machine, that gives sweets and soft toy. Chris is a pro, she won 2 Stitch with less than a $50, while pple spent $35, but nvr get anything. And she also got more and 1 kg worth of sweets and biscuits. Damn fun!!!

Boy passed is IPPT today. Finally! So meaning no more RT, and he can accompany me longer in Sundays. But, he signed up for the drill competition, which means he cant call me in these few days. Asked him y he joined it, he says, for the coy, and the pride, and the balls. Basket la!

Whatever. Since his POP is on 12 Dec, i am planning for a short trip overseas or getaway with him.

Working for almost 12.5hrs on a sunday, is absolutely crazy, esp when i was working OT almost everyday for the past few days.... siao sia. Monday, ytd, was finally my off day. Went driving, almost had leg cramp, coz i walk too much during work, and went to thaiexpress with my ladies, den the birthday girl, kristen, want to drink, so we went to Kandi Bar, walking from esplanade to clarke quay, in boots. Drank Abosulte Vodka Kurrunt, and i got seh.... I left in an hrs time, while the ladies continued, coz the girls got no work n sch, while i got to drag my ass out of my bed the next day. Talk abt financial freedom ar, but i lost my precious freedom.

Elaine, your rs is the first case my instinct fail me. Maybe, we are not mature enough to handle the rs, or maybe, he is not good enuf tow at u deserve. Whatever the case, so long as u r happy. :)

I want to learn salsa. I told vin abt it, and he is jealous, coz i m goign to dance with other guys. Dancing is my fave since young, but due to my back problem, i stopped. I want to get rid of my fats and big bum, so dancing back for me again. I had signed up alrd, just hoping, my work load wun pull me too be too tired to dance. i want to dance when i m still young.

I need some exercise to keep myself fit again, yet lazy me, dont like to run, so, i shall dance. besides, i can wear the heels dat i love.

Damn tired today, i did a set up for a school with my poor colleague, coz the whole office only have 2 guys, other den the boss. my boss is down with cough, and he is damn shag, and the other one has exams. Oh well, i have nth to comment, just do what i shld do, den relax my day. My feet and back hurts. Alamak, i must have walked too much.

Argh, i getting fatter....Yoga for me please.

Before i forget, 26th Nov...

Add ins
- Huz
- Ping
- Rose
- Clara

Looks like, most of my colleagues going. Haiz, who ask my friends to be overseas, studying and working. Den my gor and his gf too shy to come.

I am tired. Hai. Dear, can u do guard duty for till the end of Decemeber. Its not dat i dun wan to see you, but, I really felt tired at times, having to meet u after work, den take a stupid 1.5hr bus to ur hse for u to change, den pei u half an hour, before i take a 30 min bus home. Pei u half an hr, and u will complain i spend too little time wif u, when i need to go home to rest, recharge. Haiz... I dun wish to quarrel with u always. Its straining between us, with my life and your NS life, making us mood swing, angry, uphappy etc. I just wish to be a happy girl.

Elaine n kelvin patched. Good news. The monsoon season is here, but my silly girlfriend, elaine, was saying that she wans to go Redang in these 2 mths. Crazy. I told her i m going, and we said that, the four of us will go there together someday.

Knowing each other since 13 yrs old, 7 yrs of perfect friendship, yet we dint go overseas together before. Mich, convince your daddy la, if not xavier go oso can. The most, the 8 of us go together, just ask kristen to get a bf lor. All of us love the sea, calm sea. I am lucky to be able to see it almost everyday. But, looking at sth nice, yet not with the ones I love, it is still nothing special.

I was reading a primary sch fren's blog just now, her sister, whom i knew, and doted her before, was sent to girls home. Haiz. Cant they just treasure their youth, and dun do funny things, dat you will regret, like how i have spent my past away.

Slping time. Cheers to better skin.

I enjoyed my off day throughly today. Yeah! I went for driving at 10.30, my fave instructor, so i enjoyed the lesson, despit of the stupid weather or rain and shine throughout the whole lesson. Den went to taka to meet my dearest elaine. She just changed her hp. It has been so long, since we went to town together, which was last christmas. And i have not been towning since so long.

Both of us, shopped like no tomorrow. I spent ard $100 today, she, spend ard $500, the shopping queen! I bought a book, costing $16.80 from kinokuniya, Holiday for Couples. I love the graphics in it. looking forward to travel, to all the wonderful places featured in the book. I shall carry this book whereever i go. Bought kris's present, shall not reveal yet, in case she read it here, but, the original price was $115 woah. Hope that lady will love it.

I lost my Romeo and Juliet book, and the Abraham's Promise. Was talking wif elaine abt our literature days, we are still loving it so much, and we nvr regret taking it as our major subject instead of Geography. Literature is such a nice culture, and she makes me feel regretful, dat i dint go for the Phantom of the Opera last yr. Haiz. Debra tan taught us well, and both of us did well, writing queen in our poly days, where we can write damn fast, every single word of what the lecturer said.

Mich and xav came to find us after xav's check up. Nice to meet again! I realise, when we try to arrange a timing, it wont work, if we have last mintue calling, it works. Elaine quarrel with kelvin, and he called me, after elaine refused to pick up his calls. Y is it that he cant understand wat she wans, instead of insisting that she wans a break up, was due to her intake of medication. I know elaine got mental health problem, which was partially caused by her ex bf. If u treasure her, u shld not presurrize her.

Dont feel like going work tml. I enjoyed myself today so much.

Updates to the birthday chalet:
- Jamie
- Mr Sim
- Cheeyang
- Don
- Justin (pending)
- Kristen (pending as Bryan is coming back)
- Xav and Mich (depending on their scheldue, likely to be on)
- Elaine (depending on her work, likely to be on)
- WH and Ken (pending)
- Pamela (pending)

hey people, let me know if u guys want to stay over, so i can make arrangements la. 2 weeks away, to my BIG 2. Rahimah's Bachlorette party upcoming.... Fun fun fun!

Although i misses u at times, but, when i say i hope dat u can do more guard duties now, it does not mean dat i dont wish to see u, It so happens i m too busy to accompany u, I do not want both of us to quarrel, to be unhappy or feeling damn tired, which will do us no good. Also, if u do the guard duty now, when u take ur block leave, we can enjoy, instead of u having to report back to camp. U might not understand y i m doing so.

Damn it! I almost almost almost want to lodge a police report, for the lost of my little green driving book. Thanks to her, she still can say, my impt stuff duno how to put properly. Hello! My last driving class was when u told me to start packing. And I put everything into a basket. Its U! Who starts to touch my things when i was working. Idiot la. Lucky sis told her, i usually put my driving book into the LuLu Australia pouch that i bought, and that woman, happily took it out from my sister's bag, which was thrown to a hole where only she, will know where it is. Damn it la.

So, the poor me, instead of having two driving classes tml, will have 1 lesson only. Wasting my time AGAIN! Nvm, i shall go shopping in town alone tml after driving. I need to destress. Retail therapy always works. Talking abt that, that woman told me, since u so rich now, can lose your book, so go do the police report and start all over again la! Starting all over again leh! She still says, my sis and i, inherited the mental problem, which was running in my family blood. Ok, i know my grandmother has it, a few of my cousins have it, if i have it, u will have it oso lor. So are u saying, all of us are mad? This is crazy. u made me panic like hell lor, imagine the effort i put in, was almost all gone.

Haiya, enough of venting. past few days had been fruitful, despite being busy and tired. 8th Nov is Kristen's birthday, 9th Nov was Jov's Birthday. Happy birthday, ladies!

10th Nov, Project Lighthouse, we worked till late. My back was killing me, damn pain like hell. But i got to keep on going. The fun part was, the end where everyone had a bit of toasting to the success of the whole event. Den, the guys got to help the guests to push a manual car, coz the battery went flat. First time to see such thing. Huz was funny, to explain y he dint run, coz he do not own a bludging tummy. Justin ran 2 rounds, Cheeyang go 1 round, huz went half round, don went 1 round. GM the best, he drove the car. Smart man! Justin send me home, but i brought him to went around. Haha, went the wrong way. Sorry sorry.

Today was damn tiring. After reaching home at 11pm for the project lighthouse, Mr Kok requested me to go his hse for breakfast with him at 7pm. As usual, I cant wake up, plus i got his sickness of cough, sore throat. I felt so feverish. So, i cabbed down to his hse, reaching ard 8am. We slpt for a while, eat while dat lazy bum pack his stuffs, den we cabbed to pasir ris, coz he is a slow coach in packing la. Stupid boy. Forever so slow.I felt so tired, due to my almost break out fever, so i took bus 88 home, slpt for an hr, den went to work without lunch. I told him, he is the luckiest guy in the world sia, gf sick oso go to his hse, accompany him, and i always pick him up when he books out, sends him in when he books in.

I popped 2 panadol extra strong today, to prevent the fever from breaking out, but my muscles and back are damn pain. Fantastic. Work was ok, doing calling. Don asked me, y i came work today. Alamak. Sometimes, i ask for half day, he will ask me, schldued ar. Today i dint request, he come asking me, why i report to work. Sian, shld have taken time off. but i have tons of stuffs to do.

I had 2 bottles of honey lemon today, which i bought from chinese medicine shop, coz my hse run out of the two ingredients, lemon and honey. My sore throat is better, and my cough is healed. But my fever is threatening to break out. So, i m drinking ginseng now, i hope i dun have fever.

Mich has been asking me, to celebrate kris belated bdae. yaya, i know. But i m dead beat, and no time la. Mummy has been asking me to go overseas, i oso want. But i dun wan to go wif the family, coz i know the outcome.

Don asked me ytd, if he resigns, what will i do. He told me, the other two, said they will leave. My answer to him is, since u are leaving, den y shld i stay. Isnt dat a direct answer? The reason y i m staying with this hectic job, is the envirnoment and the people here. If the happy pple are gone, happy days are gone too.

Mr Kok was saying abt my previous blog entry, of wanting a new bf for bdae present. I know he very sad la. Dint expect u to read my blog la. It was a joke. As long as u dont try sth funny, and dont say break up, my principle still applies. I dont break with people de. Yup, unless u want to break my heart for watever reason lor. So far, since army u had been gd and nice to me. But i hope, this will continue after NS. The boy, lost his gun in field camp, so confinement is expected la. So, u learn ur lesson.

I want to do eyelash extension. Yup, wait till i get permission from him first. I think i look nice is dresses, but, i m fat and i m not a gentle lady. So, shall build up on dat first.

I am getting weaker, keep getting sick, think its my lack of exercise, and shag, dats y my body is getting from bad to worst.

Today is a special day, everyone in the office, knocks off at 6pm. Exactly. Cool huh. Its seldom the case. I had Aijisen with family, our family dinner since ages.

I hope tml will be a better day. My hair is starting to curl. I am considering to cut it short. But when i look back at my secondary school photo, i look damn horrible den. Shld i? Or shld i cut short, den reborn it? Recommendation?

Happy Deepavali! And Happy Birthday to my dearest sister, best friend and buddy, Kristen! Happy 20th Birthday! After her birthday, it will be mine. I am the youngest among the four of us. Kristen and I know each other for 10 yrs le. We are only 20 yr old leh. See, we treasure our friendship.

Took half day today. Wore the expensive dress, went town meet boy. He made me pissed off with his dressing. T-shirt and shorts again, almost with slipper. If he wears slipper, i am going home. We watched "Game plan". Super nice! Lots of learning point, boy and i enjoyed it.

Had ben and jerry ice cream, yummy. Oh yes, I had fish and chip in the cinema. Out first trip to watch movie at The Cathay Cineplex. So kukoo.

After dat, he wans me to have dinner with his family, at Fish and Co at PS. Reluctantly, i joined them. Before dat, my heels are killing me. So, i bought the haivanas sandals, for $49.90. The one i have in the office, is turning yellow, so the new pair, i got it as black. I joined dem, and i ate very little. Sea Monkey freeze is not as nice as Jungle freeze. The bill comes up to $89. Uncle said its cheap. Whatever. Talking abt business again during dinner. Haiz, forever. But now, not abt the shoes only, also abt investing in Indonesia, and maybe Vietnam and Philipines for Bird Nest.

Tml, I m not going home. Going to spend the night with him. Coz he is very unhappy that i dun have time for him. Not like i want to. He even told me, he wished that i can quit my job now, to accompany him all day long. What to do. Haiz....

It is soo sweet, to receive replies from people whom I have msged abt my birthday. Whether or not you are going, thanks for the effort to reply me.

Received an sms from Adelaide, asking me wat prezzie i want, and dat she misses me. Woah! Dats damn sweet! I miss u too girl, we have not been towning together for very long. I hope dec will pass soon, so i will have my weekends back to see my girlfriends.

So sad i cant see her on my birthday, coz its monday. Damn it! Argh, i wishes to see her soon. Missing her like nuts. Ok, i m a lesbian alright!

Boy also put a smile on my face today. i was tired at work, staring at the computer, answering phone calls with people screaming into my ear (just dun understand y some pple cannt talk softly over the phone). His sms goes like this "If cant meet then I'll stalk u lor =p Go pop while u meeting client and disturb u while u doing set ups=D So... i think u better be able to pei me ah... If not u sure mah fan liaoz"

Sori la, i very busy mahx. Lucky I m not studying part time, arbo i sure go bonkers.

I was clearing my hp inbox... Since i m in good mood today, I was uber happy, when i read thru a poem he wrote " Baby ah... U damn cute sia... I Cant forget ur looks... Deeply engraved in my mind... Will use that memory to push myself thru the upcoming challenges. I'm ur star guiding u, and u're my fuel pushing me on. Only tgt, i think, can we move on in life =p" This was sent to me before he went to field camp. Although it is rather mushy, but it is very nice of him.

"Late at night when all the world is slping I stay up and think of u And i wish on a star that somewhere u are thinking of me too, yes I do..... Coz I'm dreaming of u tonight, till tml and for all of my life, And there is no where in the world i'd rather be, than thinking of u, dreaming abt u n me.."

Sometimes, when i really wanted to give up in this relationship, coz of all the orderal i have to go thru, all these msges keep me going on. He has grown up. He finally understands what i want. I need new memories of our rs, not just the old ones. And he did it. Thanks.

lala... I am a happy little girl for now. I hope this will last. no more tearing for me please!

Adds on to my birthday list:
- Kristen (pending)

Just log in to Erin's blog (gor's girlfriend), this is what she has wrote:

answer to eileen's question in her blog

hey ger ,i can only reply in my blog cuz yr have no tagboards!

haha ...you posted a qn in yr entry :"There was a saying that i heard before, a person with a strong front, is actually weaker in the interior. Is that true?"

well... i guess its true haha... well .. i've seen such ppl ... they put on a strong front because they dun wan ppl to see their weakness...on the exterior...

he/she may look so strong, so confident and all..ppl envy them but actually deep down its not like tt at all... they may have even lower self-esteem than others!

i guess they are just very particular abt how ppl will judge them... tt's y they put up a strong front ...they dun want ppl to look down on them ...more or less a psychological obstacle i guess ..wat's most important is ..

just be who you r ...nobody is perfect anyway..

I guess, I m like what she said. Someone weak in disguise. but i dont care. I will protect my friends and family from those who bully them. Lala, come confront me if you are not happy. Blahx!

Anyway, Erin, my blog has no tagboards, becoz so few of u know my blog address. If i put in tagboard, spammers will come and disturb. Nono, i want to have a peaceful little place for myself.

I am a happy girl today! Ok, after 26th, i shall no longer be a little girl. But like wat Yvonne said, being 20 yr old, will let the adults listen to you recommendations and all. I will grow up soon....

I am happy, because I bought myself a very nice dress for birthday present. Hahaz, sounds crazy, but, its seldom i can get such a nice dress, with the correct length, given my so short height. Total damage for today $100.

The dress can be used for office wear, if i decides to change my job. Hahaz, I am doing some planning le...Or for high class dining, or the dinner function. Yeah!Its just a simple sexy dress, that wont reveal my flabby arms, thighs or tummy.

Another thing that made me a very happy girl, is that my dearest called me. I was so surprised to see that I got missed call from him, so i returned his call immediately. His field camp is over, and he will be out on thurs... I thought his field camp till tml. Yippee, but i m very busy this week. I hope he can understand. Sorry dear, please understand, can? I also wish to accompany you as much as I can, but, sometimes, please dont give me pressure, if not it will not work for us.

This whole week, i understand y, girls will want to leave their bf when they are in NS. Its not because they do not love them anymore, but the feeling of waiting, and loneliness, makes everything change.

Current list of goers to my birthday celebration who had confirmed with me:
- Mich Chua
- Jamie
- Chee Yang
- Mr Sim
- Adelaide (pending)
- Junie (pending)

Jovelle said she working late. People executive woah. Justin is working also, so he probably wont be coming.

Dear, I am not sure if i shld call Pamela, WH, Tian Chai, Allen mah? Maybe u can tell me the answer. Coz i usually not very close to dem, i m only with them, when you are ard. Tell me please....

I want to get the colour contact lens, but fear that my new colleagues will get a shock. My besties and my poly mates are damn used to me wearing big eyes contact lens or colour contact lens when i was still schooling. Shall I?

Sister first day work. Hope she will be more independent.

I am such a pig. Planned to go towning today, ended up slacking at home. hahaz. My sprain in my ankle hurts. Haiz. I hope i can recover soon, if not I will have to take mc for a period of time.

I went to Hougang Mall shop, felt my head spin. I almost black out. Dint tell Vin about it. I hope he dont blame me from keeping from him. Just dont want him to worry, coz he is alrd very worried abt my sprain. The sprain is an old injury, so I kinda expected it. I am getting old la...

I finally get my 9 hrs of beauty slp. Though still not enough, but i think it is still better den nth. Got a compliment from a client today. Another happy thing, when i access the 'email'. :) Woohoo!

My dark circles and dark rings are getting worst, pimples popping out, lack of exercise makes me feel fat. i think i m in the worst state ever.

My Christmas wish: That I can be taller... I was looking at dresses, for my cousin's wedding. but all the dresses are damn long. haiz.

Vin is 165cm, and i m 155cm. Difference only 10cm. If 1 inch is 2.54 cm, i can only wear heels dat is 4 inch. Haiz... Boy, can u grow taller too?

Slacking at home... Gor and his gf will not be coming to the chalet, and they said they will treat me to a meal. Well, lets see if i have the time.

Erin was right that i put everything abt what i felt here. There was a saying that i heard before, a person with a strong front, is actually weaker in the interior. Is that true?

3 more days, and he will be out. I m very very very tired. OMG, nvr felt this tired before. Lucky he has field camp, and dint come out, if not i will be more tired looking after his demands to meet me.

Since the beginning of the week, except monday, i had been working OT and OT. Buying and buying, from puffs to stationeries, and working earlier or working later. Tired sia. Everyday is work and slp.

Nov is almost a dead period. Haiz. Sent out the smses to my invited guest list for my birthday. Hope that they can revert back to me by 15th Nov.

Watched "Rendition" with Don, Jamie and Cheeyang 2 days ago. Nice show, but it takes time to understand. Next show to target, "The Game Plan".

Body is aching badly. And i sprained my leg badly today. Again! So, i have to cancel my driving tml. Sad la. I intend to finish it asap de. Jamie was saying, how come these few days, when i was having 2 events a day, I seemed to be the only one who is doing. Well, we have our reasons. We do help each other, just dat liasing and all, the one in charge will know better. Everything was ok, except the walking around and stuffs, was terrible.

Today have project lighthouse. I reached my workplace at 7am, ended work at 6pm. Justin came over. Had a chat with him while the kids went out for sail. He claimed that he is the "Coffee Making Executive" at Sembawang. Apparently, he does the same as me. When he has an event, he goes in earlier, to make coffee and tea for them, receiving weird requests for hot, cold and room temperature water. Just like me. So, he was joking that he wans to make me the "Coffee Making Officer", coz this is what i had been doing for this whole week. He is equally tired, or more tired, as he had his assignments. Understand....

The kids are cute and adorable. They reminded me of Peijin's brother, who is one of these special children. And also, my primary school friend, yixuan's sister. When i was young, i was wondering, why the mum always bring the sister to school in a babychair, and she cant walk. I admire her perservance to study, despite her illness and being slow. However, when i heard abt the failure in the operation when i was Secondary 3, i was very sad. Yixuan hated her sister, for taking away her mum's time and love for her, but i remembered, at her sister's wake, she was crying, and i believe, she loved her sister.

Just now, when i saw these kids drawing, they reminded me of her, my eyes went watery. I admire those parents, who have the courage to give birth to them, loving them and caring for them. I can see their tiredness, yet their love for their children.

I admire the kids who have these children as their siblings, still loving and taking care of them, even though their parent's love have been given away.

Some of my dear friends and colleagues (ex and present), are asking me what i want for my birthday. Actually, what i want, you guys cant give. I wish that my family can understand me better, my sister and bro to be mroe sensible, and my parents to be less demanding and bias. I hope to have a friend, who can understand me. So, for those who are thinking, let me tell u the answer, just take care of yourself, and treasure what you have, and it will be a nice present for me.

Haha, my colleague asked me, when i went to have Mac with them at Tampines, what i want for birthday. He suggested a boyfriend. Hahaz. Maybe i should. Damn tired at times, but very tired of waiting for my bf to come out, to vent my unhappines with him. Whenever he is out, we will end up slping, I will tell him abt work, my family problems and all, while he tell me his NS life and all. Boring and no life.

The chalet, was my dream. I think my sis told my parents before. I remeber when i was 16 yr old, my cousin invited me to her chalet. She purposly chose my birthdate, when her birthday was 3 days later. I was damn unhappy that time. I told myself, i will have a chalet when i am 21, on her birthdate. Now, i dont see the need, as both of us had fell out. My siblings and i, dislike her.

For those who feel I am lucky to have my family planning for my birthday for me, I admit I am luckier than many people. But, the things that i went through about them, you guys will nvr understand. I appreciate their effort for this, but you guys will nvr understand, why i cant love my parents. I wish to hug them, or kiss them before i slp. But, i cant make make myself do that. I wish to talk to them abt my worries, troubles and problems. I wish to cry to them, instead of putting a strong front. For 20 years, my life is much luckier than many. At least i have a complete family, but the tears that i had in my heart, no one will knows how much.

Oh yes, i quarrelled with Aziz ytd. Over the two stupid tanks. I am damn tired, seriously tired. He asked whether he can put them in function room 1, i told him to call my boss. Calling is easier, den quarrelling with me. I was dead beat, and i have another room to set up, running out of time. A call from him, will settle his problem. He threw his tantrum at me, and change the place he wans to put it. He can always do it later, not like the Angels are closing at 4pm. F**k. And the function room was not ready that time, he just dont understand. I dont have time, dont have space, not enough manpower.

Dont irritate me when i m very tired. I went to Jimmy and start to tell him everything. He saw me being so pissed and i guessed he must be damn shocked.

Whenever i see kids, i feel like having one of my own. But when i see naughty ones, i feel like strangling them. Hahaz, guess, its safer that i dont have any kids. I used to hate kids, but now, i m neutral. I understand how the parents felt, after kaiyan had jorin. Jorin can be so adorable, yet very naughty. Sometimes, being parents, they love, yet have to educate, which is very tough.

But I also understand the kids feeling. Believe it or not, I used to hate my family so much, that i felt like running away from home, or even have suicide when i was very young. I cant take it dat time. Imagine, since 7 years old, i will have to experience such a thing. I have grown up now, i understand everything. But, 20 yrs of thing, you cant expect me to forget everything, of what they had done. I nvr felt love frm them, until these 2 years. I have been very much alone, keeping everything to myself. I even hated myself for my presence when i was younger.

I wish, tomorrow will be a better day. And those kids that i saw today, can recover, and get acceptance by the society, for them to feel more independent, and more love from the rest.

Its his first day to the field camp. I know him to well, he will not clear his bowels in the field camp. Hahaz. My dirty pigotong.

Tml is the Hari Raya party for the staff. Ironically, i heard most of the muslim friends are not going. Well, well. My colleague helped me borrowed a costume, which i dont know if i will fit, coz i m utterly fat now.

Busy busy busy. Running an event with losta of proposals is enuf, not to mention 2 at a time, with no guys to help, and with tons of telephone calls, problems here and there. Its damn freaking tired! There is no guy in the office today! Its like omg, how am I going to do the set up? Siao, but i survived la. I have got 3 more days to go, and my battery is half dead. Thanks to my family. I shall not talk to dem. Keep away from me!

From Erin: "to me..blogging is a form of releasing my feelings..... be it happy things.. or sad things.. or even things tt make me angry..blog abt happy things..is cuz i wanted to share it with my friends out there who r reading..i wan to share my happiness with them...as for angry stuffs.. i juz need a place to vent out all my frustrations.. sometimes things just cant be told..it will be disastrous...if were to say out certain things....it'll be like spilled milk... can't get it back...n i dun wan it to happen.. so.... i'll blog hahaha.."

I agreed with you, girl. I do that there do. Glad that gor made u a happy girl on your birthday night. My sad thing is, my wish to have my bf with me on my bdae night will not be fulfilled, as he has his NS. Haiz. I know you r reading this, so when am I going to receive the red envelope from u n gor? He is 26 alrd, time to get married la. Den i can call u sister-in-law. Hahaz.

My muscles ache, not to mention those backaches that i had. I guess my spinal cord has problem, since the fall when i was working last time, from the stairs. I shld have heed my manager's advice to see the doctor. Since secondary sch, every year I got to do checkup at hospital for my spinal cord till i was sec 4. Or is it, I am getting old?

Jov and i was chatting, and we wan to go Redang in Feb next year. Den i shall got china in April, and Japan soon.... I was quite surprised, both of us kick off well, understanding each other. Yippee... i hope the trip will turn out well, coz the girl had tension headache, and huz had alrd given her a false promise b4, i do not wish to disappoint my friend. She says $500 shld be enuf. Dats easy la, meaning for my China trip, i will have more to spend. Hope all these can be fulfilled.

I shall get my sony camera next mth.

I dont care if you are interested to know what i wrote in here. This is a place for me to vent my anger and stuffs. I know both of u took hard pains to bring me up, I understand, and I know the feeling of being a mum.

But, dont think i will need to rely on you for the whole of my life. Of all your kids, i m the most sensible. Who talks back to you the least? Who study through with you worrying?

Everything that i did, is all wrong in ur mind. Alright then, den u go ahead with your "fine" thinking, and forget abt my presence then.

Ytd, the two person, make us all clear up the room. it was agreed to be done in dec, not now. Please, it is just a couple of days, to my dreaded mth, Nov. I need my rest, and she keeps yaking away. Clearing is no issue, but her talking, oh, SHUT UP! You want to beat people, come la. Lets see who beat who. Fuck sia. Is not that i m filial, if you have this kind of freaking parents and family, it can really drive people crazy.

I dont like to scold vuglarities. But, i really felt like leaving home ytd, leaving everything behind, maybe i shld just leave this world, if not for a person, who loves me so much. Can you imagine, me crying for 2 whole days, just for the stupid family dat i have. Dont blame sis, if she ended up like me, not wanting to go home. At least, i have another home, if i want to run to.

I am off for 2 days, yet i got pissed for two days. The two fuckers idiot people. its really idiotic. Its not abt just my moodswing, but try irritating me. I m the most neutral and best attitude person in my family, but dun make use of my patience.

Went driving today, and i really enjoy the thrill. Actually I had two lessons, but due to ytd's night stuffs, it makes my eyes red and puffy, and my back problem comes back again. so i cancelled the morning lesson. Its getting more fun. I want to complete soon.

Vin and I have agreed, to start saving to tour Japan for 2 weeks when he finish his NS. he says he will pay for my air ticket, and I am suppose to pay for the expenditure there. Its like, i rather the other way, hahaz.

And i will go taiwan with him. So, for march and april next yr, I will be going China in the Summer. Which part, let me do some reading first bahx.

Working tomorrow.... So boring.

My Guardian Angel

My Guardian Angel.... is the turtle. it is suppose to accompany me, for me to hug, and cry to, when i need someone beside me. Although it is not alive, at least the feeling of the hug, will be much better den nth.

Was at his hse after the movie, I finally broke down and cry like a tap. My nose is known for being a tap, dint noe my eyes oso can do such a good job in this. It just such a nice cry, coz i dint cry for very long le, and I have been controlling myself for so damn long.

he made me promised ytd, dat when i send him in today, i will not cry. So, i was strong enough to not think abt anything else, but my turtle dats lying on my bed.

Just went to chinatown with family. Its a damn freaking long time since we last went out, as a family. And daddy bought me a pair of slippers! Yeah! Hmmz... Simple things makes me feel so contented. But somehow, i feel his attitude towards mei mei has changed...

He is going for field camp soon, and i m rather worried. Coz of the monsoon season, rainy days made the training tougher. Hope he does not fall sick or injure himself.

Just told mummy i intend to go overseas. She said ok, and so, i just need to inform her dat i m going away. Yippy! But i m not going to tell her i m going alone, arbo she sure dont allow.

Finally, his field camp period is here, meaning, i cant contact him for the whole week... Sianz.

I took time off ytd, to accompany him. We watched Mr Woodcock, dont think it is as nice as Balls of Fury though. He was nice, he got me the first soft toy since we had been together for the 27th mth, on the 27th oct. It is a very big soft toy, a turtle. Boy got one for himself too. Total damage he made: $49.90 x 2. I also got a blanket free. Nice and soft. Happy!

He booked in this morning. I sent him to pasir ris in his dad's car. Today off, going to beach with family. I hope everything will be alright. Off tml again, shall got for 2 driving lessons. Stop being lazy, and get my bum to the driving centre.

Insomia and stress recently, from my family, really made me feel physcially and mentally weak. How to survive in nov lidat?

Told boy that I am going to Osaka in April. He asked me whom i m going with. The fact is, I am going alone. Too troublesome to go asking around who wants to go. So i rather go alone. But, he rather I dont go Japan or Taiwan first. Coz he wants to go with me. Haiyo....

Thailand is a fun place to go, but the situation there is very messy, mummy wont allow me to go alone. HK had been there b4, though dint realli walk around.

Maldives island, is my dream place to go, same as Miami. Those places are my nice and peaceful. China is nice with their scenery. May be i will go before school starts, get away for 3 weeks there.

Right now, in Jan, I will go to...

Tired

It is 26th October. it is out 27th mth together. The rocky months... I dont know what lies in front of us.

He told me, he will book out early afternoon tml, and book in on sunday morning. He hopes that i can stay over. As usual, I cant, esp my recent family problems... He says, if he is single, he dont mind not booking out. If i m single, i wont even bother to arrange to claim time off to accompany you tml.

I hope he can understand. It is reali tiring, to see that he is sad. I know and can feel he is unhappy, but i m oso. Cant he hide it, so as not to presurize me?

He will not be booking out next week, coz field camp. I have decided my travel trip. Either Shanghai or Japan Osaka or China Sheng zhen, in January. Who wants to join me? Its either backpack journey (i really want to try it), if not the usual travelling.... Shall start saving more...

Tried my first new working experience today. Good feedback in the seminar, but bad for the part 2. Lucky its not my fault. hee.

Mr Yik called me today. Shocked. Thanks for remembering me, Sir! I guess, i will give the offer of Marketing Executive a miss. Though the position sounds appealing, and the place is of quality, but i feel, i am not one who loves too much of change. I prefer calm and stable sea, instead of rocky sea. The workplace i m currently having, is peacful and easy going for me. At least for now. I hope i wont regret rejecting the offer.

Got another offer of Sales Executive by the other company i had interviewed earlier before I joined this current company. Same thing, I want to experience sth, learn enough, before I leave. To make me leave, not just the finance factor, but also the character of the colleagues.

I think i m sterotyped by my colleagues, that i m a small chili ger who is damn fierce. Got meh? Alright la. I dont beat people. I talk sense to them.

My dear friends who got access to this blog, which i think, its less then 10 of you, you are invited to my birthday chalet at Pasir Ris Coasta Sands on 26th Nov. Please drop me an email or comment, if you are able to attend. Thanks.

Ok, its friday tomorrow, 26th Oct, exactly one month to my 20th birthday. Anyway... Happy Birthday to Erin... She is my gor's gf. I know u are reading.. Hope gor can understand u better, and mend his ways, treasure u, and you will stay happy and pretty always!!!

Gor complained ytd, that his gf knows my situation now, much better den he does. Hahaz, gers talk mah. Gor always go drinking session with his friends, seldom on msn. No point I meet him oso, partly coz i m busy, and also, meet him oso nth to do, see him smoke n smoke only.

I ended my work at 6pm, I reached home at 10pm. I dint want to go home, if not for my body clock, i would have stayed out.I need a home, not just a house. Boy is alrd in NS, no body taking care of me, nobody to love me as much alrd. With my family current situation, it makes me feel, my house is just a shelter for the night.

Tired of going through everything. Going home just to see black faces, rantings, scoldings, stupid house rules. Argh, cant u just shut up? What is done is done. And it is seriously not my business to what happened. Just spare my ears, and let me have a good night rest la. You wanted me to speak to her, i did. Dad ask me to help her find sch, I did. What the hell does both of u want.

I am her elder sis. But i learnt all these things on my own. i can help her now, but she has to learn.

Every since graduation, boy went to malaysia to work, i have grown independent again. But i will need my support when i m tired. This family of mine, is nvr stable. I think, my besties are still the most reliable. When we were in polys, when i dun feel like going home, i will just stay at his hse, and cry over to him. He will understands and comfort me. Now, no one knows and no one dat i can cry to. My weekends is either burn with work, or when spending time with him, we will end up quarrelling. I need some peace and quiet. Can my better days come soon?

Watched a show ytd. A woman, not only must possess gd character, soft spoken, must also know how to cook. Good character, i think i 30% pass, soft spoken, depends who and situation. Cooking.... erm, i think i got 40% la, but still not as gd. Therefore, in all, I am not a woman. This explains y, I am only 19 going 20.

A woman shld not always cry. I wont cry in front of others, except my bf. My besties nvr saw me cry b4, even after so many years.

I remembered telling Vin, I want to get married on 20102010... Which is like, 3 yrs from now, when i m 22 going 23. So young right? But dats the date i like. I told him, whether its with u, or another guy, i want to have my wedding on dat date. Hahaz.

That was just a dream la. I hope can fulfilled though. Lets see.... Maybe i shld be single, less troubles for myself.

Guys nvr seem to treasure things that are in front of them. Was talking to Jov, Huz had admitted that he is with the other ger, and both huz n jov has spilted. But, they still behave like couple. The status is not clear, and Huz dun want to talk abt it.

She changed alot for him, her dressing, her behaviour, her habit and everything....She intended to wait, till he gets married. Even if he wans a patch, she will not consider. Where in the world to find such a nice ger?

The reason is, both of them has different religion. Yet, love is too strong between them. The restrictions...

Guys nvr treasures. Serious. When things are gone, they regret. But, they will nvr know how much hurt has been put in, and how the ger has been living when he hurts her heart.

Lucky, he makes amendments. But, he will nvr know, she will nvr be hers again. Even if so, the pure feeling, will not be there again. Just like undergoing a surgery, even if it makes one recovers, the scar will remain...

A simple sms, or a call, to tell us where you are, or that you remember, bring a smile to a girl, warmth to her heart... I seriously hates guys who hurts gers. Coz of their stupid ego, they nvr admit they are wrong. And they will nvr try to make things right.

I really pity her. Before I was with my first bf, i always hear abt such things, and i feel guys are idiots. Dats y i always scold dem. Their brains, i always thought, grow in their butt. Hahaz. Seriously stupid.

If i m a guy, i will treasure her, coz she is a hard to come by lady. It beats better, to have a play girl, who hurts guys. Gers always looks at guys, who love dem more them she loves him. But, this idea, is nvr understood by my opposite sex.

Fat ass me! I had been eating so much lately. Hai... Furthermore Jamie is going away till 28th, that will mean no one to share my lunch with me.

Was talking to mei mei just now, she was asking me abt her poly courses. I find NP Business studies still quite appealing, with an additonal option to major in International Business. I used to take a module on it, and i scored my AD in it. Haiya, if i am give the chance again, i will choose that as my major, instead of torturing myself in Marketing. However, marketing is one of the best in my year. So i nvr regret my choice.

Sis is looking at SP's new diploma Human Resource Management with Psychology.

I would rather she takes that, then to do some other rubbish course. Although the distance is further den NP, but taking a train beats taking a bus, esp when BKE always jam like there is no tomorrow. Both Polys is good for slimming, as their hills are very steep.

She is not considering other Polys, though they are nearer to our hse. Maybe she got influenced by me, if want to do, do the best, and dont regret.

Boy hasnt called me for 2 days. i hope he is doing fine. Off day tml, and this means, driving lessons. I am seriously a slow turtle la. But i dont have time and energy to learn.

The Year end sales are coming. Shall plan what I want to get. Levis' Jeans, Mango or Zara top?

Plans for tomorrow: Trim eyebrow, finish a stupid proposal my client insist me to give her by tml, driving, meet a friend....

Mummy is yaking away again... Shit! I m just home for barely 1 hrs, and she is nagging and nagging. Cant u just SHUT UP! Haiyo, my sister is old enuf for her to think. Let her decide for her own future. It is pointless for us to help her, when she dont want to help herself. Give up on this family sia. Dont know what the hell they are thinking.

Boy just msg me this evening. He managed to do the 1st pull up in his life! Yippy, no more grumbles from him for this failure. Shall encourage him to head towards 3, den to 6. Hope he can do it. Jia You!

Haiyo, many people has been telling me, i m very fierce. Yes, I may be fierce, to protect myself and the people around me. I will only be soft to the peopl I am very close with, or when I am very sick. Dats y boy likes me the most when i am sick. hahaz, coz i wont shout at him. Count yourselves lucky for all the guys that I know recently. The past me will just scold the guy for no reason, and he will just end up getting my scolding with question marks in the brain.

When i first know my ex, and Vin, I oso scolded them, before I got closer with them.....

The world is so small, and I dont know where should I go for the break... I need to escape, from everything... To start myself afresh!

My birthday is coming soon. Argh, the thought of being 20, seriously makes me feel old. No offence to my friends who are already 20, but I cant accept that I am turning with the BIG 2 so soon....

Diet Diet Diet.... i had been eating so much ytd. I shall take 2 meals a day, instead of the usual 3 meals. The third meal shall be some soup or fruits.

I had been neglecting my family members. Friday I m was busy and celebrate the girl's birthday. Sat I stayed over at work, for some wedding stuffs. Slpt at 1am, wake at 5 plus. Alamak! I growing older soon at this rate.

Damn tired, in the end, instead of working the whole day, I went off in the afternoon, went to accompany the boy. Lunch at AMK Hub, eat like a pig. My tummy is bulging out! Den went to his hse for a small nap, before goingtt o Pasir Ris for Dinner at HongKong Cafe! Thereafter, his mum sent me to Ade's house.

Hmmz... GM's birthday. And alot of staffs turned up. Its good to see so many people there. Her kids are so cute and have sharp features. Saw the previous colleague, a lady which my boss dun like. Well, no personal preference, but maybe she is a little too obvious that she dont like him, by wishing everyone, except him. She even wished me, when she dont know who i am.

My boss sent me home, with 3 other women, coz he was on the way to Hougang as well.

Boy, Thanks! I know I have been very ridiculous, and bad tempered, but i am very tired. Its time for me to go on a break for recharge. Hope you can do well for your training, and your little toe to recover soon. I want you to piggyback me!!! Waiting, waiting, waiting...

I m behaving like a little kid, not like a mature ger that I used to be. Coz, i am almost 20. Soon. So, let me enjoy some last childhood, before I move on to my 20th, the big 2.

This is the 300th post that I have entried, with my old blog posts.

Elaine, happy 20th Birthday. Hope we can celebrate more of your birthdays. I love you. Hahaz. So les right? Mich, Kris, Elaine... U gers will nvr be forgotten by me. My best sisters.

Went to Vivo after work, rushing all the way, to meet the gers, and had dinner at Swensens, spending around $40. Ok la, I am working, comparing to them.

Dint take any pictures with them today, wasted.

Anyway, when i was on the MRT to vivo today, I saw this couple. The ger was explaining sth to the guy, but this guy tried to agrue, thereafter, he put on his earpiece and tried to study. The ger continue to talk, explaining herself, however, the guy put his earphone to full blast, and refused to listen. The ger got frustrated, and starts to irritate him. And they starts to quarrel. The ger began to keep quiet, i look at her eyes, its teary. She has given up hope, and I can feel the pain in the heart. However, the guy is not attentive tot he ger at all. After 5 mins, when he realise the ger is keeping quiet, he starts talking to her, but she ignored him.

Sometimes, I wonder, whose fault is it? I dont know. The ger's encounter, is sth i always felt, when i was with him. He never knew what I wanted, and what I am thinking. When I tried telling him, he simply brush it off. I may seem like nth, someone unimportant, as always, but when u need a ger beside you, you try to sweet talk. Is girls' purpose of survival in this world, is to entertain you guys?

He just called, to persuade me to meet him tomorrow night. I shall try, but feel bad leaving jamie behind. But, he says, he might have guard duty next week, thereafter got field camp. Ya, hard work, but i m oso feeling difficult to make my decision over here. I hope he can just understand, but i understand he badly wants to see me. Hai... Seriously, i dont know how. He always put me in such situations, that I dont like.

Then when i came home from Serangoon on MRT, there was this weird guy who left his bag behind. Funny, and some teenagers run after him with the bag. So dramatic.

Not coming home tomorrow. I cant make up my mind which country I wan to visit in January.

Today is the 18th, and tml, will be 19th, the date that the girls will meet up, to celebrate dearest Elaine's 20th Birthday. Since secondary school, we will nvr fail to celebrate hers. I miss my girlies, and the fun we had. Ok, I am the youngest among them, but i m definately the most mature of all.

Facebook is another kind of friendster. My friends had been adding me in it, but, i m not as active there yet. Work is quite alright, but sad that I got to work tml. Nvm, it will be fun, just like these few days. I will be positive.

The boy booked out ytd, as he hurts his toe. Met him just now to send him in. I seriously sent him in lor, to SAF ferry terminal. I will be damn busy this weekend, hopefully my flu can recover soon, I dun wan to be classified as the number 1 flu virus carrier, as 2 of my colleagues have kena. Lucky the person sitting next to me has strong immune, if not, i guess if there is a third person who kena, I might as well go see doctor and take MC.

Why am I always so weak... Why why why...

Had dinner at Hongkong cafe, as Mr Kok says he wans to eat sth gd, before going back Tekong, and he paid for it. Haiya, as usual lor. I m not a spolit girlfriend, but my bf wants it, so i m usually ok with his plans.

I have set my mind. I will concentrate on my driving now, den take financial lessons, while waiting for 21st birthday to come, before I decide which Uni i want to enrol myself in.

I want to watch the movie Rendition, it is a M18 show, now under sneak preview. Anyone wants to watch?

What shall I wear for the girl celebration tml?

Mummy is doing her rants now, on my sis's results. Hai, that girl,high possibility that she is going to fail her J1 again. Mummy just went.... Eileen, u r the oldest of all. With the saying that " Eldest acts a parent when the parents are away", so I should handle my sister. She wants me to tell speak to her about her future.

I dont see the point. They are my siblings, and since young, I am very jealous about their cleverness. Now, my parents are getting so proud of me of passing my Poly smoothly. I dont need my parents to worry for me, and I know what I want. But, my siblings being so much cleverer den me, can think for themselves. What can i do? Counsel them? They have to face that they have done, not within my control.

I may not be a gd sister, but, i have shown to them, that me being not intelligent like them, can work my way up. Its just up to them whether they want to work hard for what they want.

I cant be bothered to nag. And i hate to nag at people. I just leave her to do what she likes, as long as she dont regret her decision.

In the past, my parents cant be bothered with how i fare in my results, so long that i can pass. I am always a sidekick. But now, my siblings failed, then they starts to treasure me. I look at the past, to the present.

I was reading Cleo just now. There was this test that i did, on Paranoid. The stress expert said that " Paranoia is a natural part of the human psyche", but it depends on individual on how paranoid each person is.

From the test, it shows that I am quite a paranoid person. Quite. Its true that my ex's impact on my relationships matters alot, and i dont trust people easily. I can get suspicious easily, unless you can convince me. I trust my instinct and 6th sense alot. Vin has become the victim of my past relationship. But he himself, is probably getting a karma, coz he used to be a playboy mahx.

Loyalty and faithfulness is my perfect vision in what I want to have from people around me. Heart to heart talk with me? Wait till u know me very well, like my best friends who had been with me for more than 7 years.

Hai, 19th I got to work. meaning I cant enjoy myself as much for Elaine's birthday. I miss the darling gers, the times we had in secondary school. Its not easy, for us to move on from being so close everyday, to the times where all four of us went to different courses in 2 polys, to now where one of us doing degree in govt uni, one is private uni, and the other two working. Thanks girls, for all the support. :) They are the ones who know me better then anyone in this world, not even Alvin.

Chatted with my ex colleague, Yvonne on my future studies. I m looking at some degree that is joint major, Bachelor of Commerce with Double Majors, Hospitality and Tourism Management and Marketing, OR Bachelor of Arts with Double Major -Psychology and Marketing Management of some private institution.

Not Psychology again. But the prospect of Tourism industry dont sound too good for me. I m intending to have 2 paths for me choose in future. So i would like to have 2 majors as back up. UniSIM has a limit for me to be 21 year old before I can make my application, which is 2 yrs later.

I dont like to do things that i will regret. I shall listen to more advices to see how I want to continue. Maybe before I turn 21, after i get my driving license, i shall proceed to getting a private financial degree first, then to go for better degrees. Looks like I am doing a bit in every field.

There are more votes for PSP den DS.... But, I still cant make up my mind. Or maybe I shall just save up, and go to the States to find Yvonne, since she is having her holidays soon.

Time passes so fast, especially after I left school. Hai, pple grow old so soon. I was hoping, my 20th year will not come.. Since young, i have been wanted to grow up, and acting mature. Maybe being young is good.

Work is alright la, times passes damn fast today. But i m very slpy, coz my running nose tap drip from 8am till now, at 9pm.Gosh! I used alot of tissues lor.

I dont know if i shld buy psp slim or nintendo... Haiz. 19th i got 2 driving lessons, den go to elaine's bdae celebration! My bestie is 20 yr old. Soon it will be kris's den mine. So soon.

My back problem is getting more problem. Hai. I m not happy! Maybe my goal in life has not been identified yet. We shall see, maybe i shall see my plans soon.

Hahaz, I have nvr seen a guy so stupid la. Gers like guys to be frank, not beat about the bush. Hahaz. Cant stand them for being so blockhead. I shall remain blur, since he is so anxious about his ego.

So sorry for the mood swings that I had been having these few days, especially to the victim to my nonsense, vin....

He just booked in. We went Sentosa today, dint tan,coz the young boss says he has enuf of the sun in Tekong, so we just did fish reflexology and we went off.... I shall buy Nintendo DS lite... White or Pink.... Can anyone tell me, which colour is better? Or shall I buy PSP Slim? Yes, I know I am very indecisive. I need some suggestions.

Spoke to him abt the trip i want to make, he objects me leaving alone, but gave his consent to allowing me to go with guys. Hmmz, who shall i go with den? Shall pick my list soon.

Daddy booked a chalet for my birthday, so dat means I will have to plan for my off days. It has been damn long, since the whole family go out together.

Vin makes me a happy girl today. Thanks. Shall miss u soon. I shall give u another chance to our relationship. Sorry for flaring up at you. I am really sick of those stupid pple, jaming up places.

I m unhappy abt his dad. Idiot la. Went to his hse from Sentosa, his dad says they will be leaving home at 7pm to send him to camp. So, we went amk... at 6.15, dat idiot called and want us back immediately. We were delayed awhile, and boy's hp is not working. His dad flare up, and my boy got angry. The first time i see him got so angry. Hmmz... His dad is ridiculous. Its him who says 7pm, yet the person who called at 6.15 to disturb his beauty slp is not us. He puts all the blame and anger on us for nth. I shld have scolded him back.

Another thing is, when i arrived at his hse and boy is doing his packing, his dad came out of the room. I dint expect him to be in. He was naked with just a towel wrapped ard. I greeted him, and he says sorry. Den he starts wandering ard in the hse. Allen told him oei oei, got ger leh. And Allen added, Anyway is daughter-in-law. Stupid la. Notty Allen.

Hai.. Tml i m working alone, its monday! Monday blues and all. I want to go Miami. But that is my future goal. For now.... I shall plan to go overseas in January or Feburary, just dislike going overseas during school holidays, when i have to squeeze in the crowds. I am too impatient for crowds. I shall pick somewhere that is slow paced with scenery.

Maybe I shld learn some yoga, to cultivate my patience. My meditation and reflection today, reflect my bad endurance. I need to be more patient.

Oh yes, Alvin says, teachers are kind hearted pple, with lots of patience. So i told him, go back to Lena then. His ex is a Teacher. She is very soft hearted, unlike me, with chili temper. Instead, he wans me to be a teacher. I guess I will go bersak with all the little kids. I used to hate kids, and animals. Now I m alright with both, but, i dont really love them yet.

I did some tutoring 2 yrs back, when i first know Alvin, and when we were doing underground dating...Dat little kid is damn irritating, yet I cant resist teaching him, coz he is so cute n innocent, but very naughty. Thats the nature of all kids. Dats also why I love to see Jorin too, she is so adorable yet she is naughty, she can be obedient whenever I tell her nicely.

But when I saw a kid screaming at the top of the voice, I told Alvin, if he is mine, I sure slap him. Alvin says, he too. Hahaz, we are horrible people. Vin still claims he loves kids. Maybe when I have my own kids, I will love them. Dont know.

Alvin told me, my softness to him, should applies to him only. I told him, its for my boyfriends only. Not boy-friend. So those boy-friends, will still enjoy getting tortured by me.

Gers can be blur at hints sometimes, but sometimes, we choose to ignore. If one were to tell us direct, we either catch it or we dun. So, this is a tricky qn, where it comes to question and answer.

Ego, is something everyone has. It is just whether the person's is stronger then others. Some pple, have strong ego, will nvr be able to achieve what they want to do, coz they are afraid of failure. Failure at times, can improvise you, its a learning journey.

Shall I watch David Copperfield? Like Sabbi said, he is old le, and the previous time he came was 6 yrs ago. Its a rare opportunity, and it might be the last as well.... Hmmz, hard to decide, coz the dates and the timing dun suits me. But den again, I hate to regret. Shall make my decision soon, and just leave it behind me..... Go or dun go....

Thanks. I dont know what else to say to u, but, i duno who else will be able to tone me down as much as u can..... But I still must say, I am sorry. The feelings, i tried very hard to search back, but i am still in the trying mode.

Okok, i admit I am a chilli padi. But at least, I am very nice to you. The dinner was nice. We met for a while, den he sent me home, before going to CHIJMES to meet his bunk mates. I dun understand la, he told me he is tired from soccer, but still can go CHIJMES, when i told him i wan go Sentosa tml. Guys, are always guys, loyalty and faith comes first.

Well, maybe thats good oso, I hope nxt time when i ask him abt Love or Bread, he can have the same idea as me...

Where shall i go for holiday? Taiwan? New Zealand? Australia? I want to go somewhere with nice natural scenery, leaving all worries behind, just enjoy myself. . I might be going alone, since noboday can go with me, 6 months I have been staying in Singapore, I will need some break soon. I like nature. But, my back problem, i cant travel much with heavy bags. Sianz... Shall plan for alternatives.

Did some receptionist duties today, its damn difficult. We did all those stupid stunts, and i sucks la... Ok, i know someone is unhappy abt me again.

For those of my frenz who knows me well enuf, will know my instinct and the words i said,are usually accurate. Just because u r a lady, doesnt mean u dun need to heed the advice dat, dun mess with ladies! I can predict my own O levels results, can u? Mind u, my results figure are exactly the ones i told my besties, before the results are released.

Pardon me, i really cant stand those pple. Maybe like what i told Jamie, i m very nice to pple i m close with, but i m not on gd relations with pple like others. Those pple shld not judge pple with colours, and i will not do likewise to dem. I tot after dat event, everything could have gone back to normal, but after what i saw today, it is not settled.

Gossips... Now i know how it spread le. Sitting there for the whole day, I oso get to hear some things dat i dont know, and i dont wish to know.

Vin will not be happy to see i m so notorious. I tried toning down, but i really hate those pple, who tried to put words into my mouth, telling me off for things that i did not do. Just becoz i m not pretty like u, just becoz i m just a small ger, doesnt mean i can accept all these nonsense without arguing back , and just accept everything as it is, but i want peace, i dont want enemies.

Damn! I shall not be upset about all these pple. I must be happy, so that pple ard me will be happy as well. Sometimes, no matter how unhappy i m, I should remain positive. :) For the sake of the others, i shall forgive and forget....

I m sorry, this is something dat i m not able to tell u when i see u. When i met u, i felt more tired and irritated. I know u have been trying to make me happy.

Sorry...

We tried our best, i know. U r the bf that most gers would want, but, i really feel very stress with u. U know when you told me to stay over at ur hse tonight, i tried rejecting. Then u told me to send u home, i understand ur meaning, but i find it hard to reject u. I tried explaining my reasons, but u kept telling me to do as u want, until u unhappily told me u accepted my reasons.

Y is it so difficult for us to communicate...

Sometimes, I just feel like crying in front of u when u cant understand, but this time, no tears came out, to make u soft heart on me, maybe i have given up hope... I dun wish to close my heart on u, just like what i did to royston. Coz u are the one, who opened it again. Yet, u r oso the one, who gave me more scars den what he gave me...

I know you love me alot, but like i told u before, the past affects the present. I know u will tell me that, i should not be bothered abt the past.

But, have u thought how much u hurt me in the past? Both of us tried so much, and i dont want to hurt u. I dont know how to put across to u, just hope, u can be like what u used to be, the guy who understands me the most.

U told me i m too busy for u. Where were u when i need u so much? I understand u have ur responsibility for the country, i understand u love ur family, and the business, u want to outshine and have a company of your own. i know when u dont have time for me, i kept quiet. When i m busy, u complained...Have u thought of what I want....

You told me to be independent when u r not around. yet u want me to be the little ger who rely and listens to u when u r ard. Wow, how to achieve that? Maybe u can teach me?

Before I know u, and roy, i was an independent ger, who shield my sisters, my best friends... Everything changed me. I am not the ger whom I was 3 years ago.

Ok, enought of my rantings for him... I had been busy today. Work in morning, driving in afternoon, den wait for the boy for 2 hrs... great Yeah! Travelling form Tanah Merah to Yio Chu Kang in rain, and tried driving on slope in rain. Then went all the way back to Pasir Ris... How to not be tired...While waiting for him, i bought reader digest to accupy myself...

Y am I always waiting for u? Cant u do the other way round? Like ur mom said, asking me to call u always, will only make me feel more tired of the rs when time passes.....

Singlehood is not sth i desire, but, when things cant work, maybe thats the last solution. I m seriously tired of everything. Shall plan for a trip overseas soon. Even if it meant that I go on my own. I just want to have a break from all these troubles and worries... I don't know who else can understand what i m going through, but i hate myself now. Hai, my hair is going white with all these problems.

Went out wif Roy ytd, a juggy i met at expo working.... after my driving lesson... He is quite an ok guy, i know dear will not be happy to know i met him, but i m really bored la.

Went to "buckaroo bbq and grill" at Sembawang. Its a nice ambience place. Went wif my colleagues, CY, Don, James, Aaron, Justin after a meeting. Me, a lonely girl among the guys, what they chat about, are question marks for me.

I had been talking wif Jovelle lately, dint know some pple can treat girls in such a way. He is a perfect guy, but, maybe not the perfect one for matters of heart. I hope this poor girl can pick herself up.

Tml i am having driving again, slope. Gosh! Dont know how m i going to survive it. Driving is getting fun, and i m less afraid, at least, my biting point is no problem now.

Hai, I am tired of everything. Tml he is coming out again. He ask me to stay over at his place for the weekends, but i had told him i cant. Hope he can understand. I need a big tree in my life. I m tired. I want to escape at times, but, there are so many things i cant let go.

I heard about the story of Jov n Huz.... hai... I knew it for very long, but one of dem had not been telling me the truth. Sometimes, it might be the girl being over paranoid, it could also be the guy in the wrong.They ended in Aug. I miss Jov anyway. Its nice to hear that, I still have her ard. i have great friends.

No matter wat is the case, like Alvin always says, he love me, not just like. love n like, is different. I may like u as a fren, but it does not mean i will love u to be my bf.

Somethings, when you missed the chance, you will end up regretting.

I know i have hurt you, with what I told you yesterday. Thank you for being so understanding, but my feelings for you, is only for weekends only. You are also aware, that my weekends I will have to work. No matter how tired I am, I tried to accompany you as much as I can.

I am glad to have you, the feeling of being a princess. I m having insomnia. haiz...

I have a secret today...

Eileen is not happy... I miss him alot, yet, the special feelings is not there...

I will be on Shopping Ban for the next 2 months... i hope i can curb myself from all the you huo.... I want to save money....

I guess i had so many faces, which i dont know who i m already. Haiz...

I want to study. :( I want to study something professional, something that I like. I hope my car driving will be going on well...

Bee is coming out tml. I duno. Felt sad....

Hate, can nvr resolve hate. Only Forgiveness can...

Lost, Regret, Treasure... Is what all of us will go through. It actually depends, on whether we choose to treasure first, den when we lost, we will not regret. Or we nvr treasure, and when we lost, we regret terribly.

I love u, and treasure u. When u came out frm camp on 28th Sept... I felt i m the luckiest ger ard. I asked u the same qn again, u told me to trust u. I will trust u again, and i hope u will nvr lie to me again

I trust u with my whole heart, my weak heart, will nvr wish to be shattered again.i need u, as my vitamin, to rebuild it again.

When i get to know what she has done, with a guy who has a gf... It reminds me of the time when u told me ur ex came to your hse. I rmb u telling me, " I m sorry dear... I m kidding you". When you said, " i m sorry" i knew sth was wrong. She told me, it is no pt going to find out what is going on, and i shld trust u. Sometimes i trust you, but my instinct and everything, makes me unsure.

Happy 26th mth.. when it is 26th of the mth. Sometimes i hope that, you can be by my side, as n when if you can. But when i know, ur cousins and ur bro has plans for u, i know i have to be understanding, not to be selfish. But when it comes to love, i m a very demanding and selfish ger.

I hope u can be happy. Faith is right.... She told me to be strong la do the right thing, really or if nt its nt fair to him. I told her what u told me abt u needing my support for NS, she told me, if its nt going to work then no point dragging on. You have to learn to deal w it..

I duno if i can make the best decision for you... But i will always rmb, there was a guy, who loves me and dotes me the most. I hope, when i am wif u, i wun feel so stress, and please make me a happier ger. I wish to put the smile on me everyday, just when i think of u, instead of me thinking of u, wishing that u can bring more smiles to me.

I wan to walk down with u more, but, please change, and prove to me, that you can be the guy who can give me security. I need security. Please...

FUNNNNNN!!!

It is nice to have the compansionship of your best fren, someone who will listens to you. I love this kind of life. Off day today, and i went to sentosa with Michelle. (am reach her house, we reach vivo at 11, and we reach the beach around 11 plus. We tan, and swim, den tan and swim, den again.... till 3pm. We dun look tan at all, except for our feet.

We suggested to go to the Fish Reflexology, but two idiots, walked damn far, to wait for a long time, for a short bath. Then we walked to New Zealnd ice cream for tirmisu Ice cream, yummy! We took the blue line, then came to Siloso Point, when we were actually tanning near the ben and jerry only!

Enquire on the price, $38, for the fishes and a manual massage, quite reasonable. Was told to come back at 5.45pm, so we went for our lunch cum high tea at delifrance. Then to the massage. Ur truly is not afriad of pain, but is terribly bad at itchiness... So i practically shake and hold on to michelle.

Its Michelle's virgin trip for feet massage. I was quite ok with their skill, but the ambience is nice. I realise the staffs wear crocs shoes! Mayb it is good for the legs?

After dat, we went to Vivo City for dinner, Carl's Jr. Initially we couldnt find a place, and intended to give up. Just when we are walking out, we spotted a place, near the entrance.

Mich and I felt hot on our shoulders, from the burnt, and carrying shoulder bags, esp big and heavy ones, are really painful....

The tan is quite uneven, but I enjoy myself today! Great company, great weather, great day, and fun!

2nd day of MC...

He called me ytd night, he is having a sore throat, coz he tried to be a hero, shouting... Cool Yeah! Hey, drink more water, when u come back i make honey lemon water for u ok?

He was worried abt my sickness, but he kept complaining that i m very workaholic.:( I know la. U oso mah!!! Not fair to say me only, u have to do some reflections too.

I have always heard from my mum, finding a bf or husband, he shld be someone who will side u, when problems arises, such as, when u have a tiff wif his family members. My baby apparently loves his family more den me, that i can understand, but he oso stands by dem! Umph! I m unhappy abt it. No security at all!

I guess I m not gg to stay at home the whole day today, coz i slp n do nth. I might go to the gym, or for swimming later.

For the first time, Pamela called me at night, and we have a short chat for around 10mins. Then i smsed my colleagues, to tell them not to touch aything on my desk.

Wake up at 9am. Wow, i can really slp. 9 hrs of slp, and i m still tired. Gosh! Don just called me on some work issues, sick osomust work!

I hope i can get well soon. I dun wan the pple ard to worry for me. Jia you!

Its almost one week he went in le... Ytd he dint call me. I was having diahorra the whole day ytd, dint eat anything, except for an apple and some porridge. My tummy goes flat in a day. Yeah!

On 2 days MC... Might consider to take time off instead, coz if take MC, I will lose the $100 incentive. Hmmz... considering....

I noe he arent going to be very happy if he gets to know abt it. I am looking at Fujitsu tablet PC, sony camera and a new mp3... Argh, can I strike a lottery? Hahaz...

I just helped him to send the email. Sorry Vin, haven do the hard disk yet. I will do so if i have the time.

The 2nd day... A boring sunday. But went dinner with family, happy! Boy says his head is rounder. I wan to see! Happy birthday Roy!

September 15

Today is September 15, 2007,the day here I first stepped on the SAF Ferry Terminal, and find myself on the ferry with Alvin, going through the 15 mins ride, and went on Tekong ISland wif his fmaily, sending him in....

I saw him walking through, taking the oath, it tells me, My Boy is going to be a Man. Dear, like i told u, i will try to walk wif u thru the NS days, just as I had promised you b4.... I hope I will be able to do so... And i look forward to loving you, feeling that you grow up 2 weeks later...

No matter how i bu she de, the law, the future... Everything as forced us to wake up from our dream, and to face that, we have to grow up, and treasure those people and things around us, and that we are having. Once we have learnt how to treasure, we will be the richest people in the world, not with just monetary, but the mental and other support that we have...

The day he will go botak, and go thru all the courses that will treach him to be, the MAN.

I duno if u r reading this right now, but i would like to tell u, Thank You!These 2 days, the smiles on your face, the blissful feeling u gave me, brightens up my life. I m really happy. Thankfully, i can get this wonderful memory, a good memory to remember.

Just staying in the resort room, enjoying good food (which makes me gain 4kg), and great accompany, I m a happy ger alrd. What I want, is just your accompany. Loving it. I m hoping, i can see u tml. But, if i really cant, i hope, i and i wish, that you can dun go malaysia on thurs or friday, but to enjoy ur last few days.

The neoprints we took today, is so cute. :) U r a great bf, and i hope u can do well in NS. No matter wat happens in future, i m really glad, i have this chalet stay with you, and only you... U know what, its going to be one of the best memories...

I did my waxing for the first time in my life ytd. I love the pain sensation. Hahaz....

I went for the pre-employment checkup, gosh i m only 1.55m high, and i weigh 47kg... what a fat ass! Time to check what I m consuming ger....

Boy went for his strentous exercsing with his bro just now. i hope, he can do well for his NS. Good Luck, Jia you!

Thankfully, he landed peacefully. When he hugs me, i can feel his love for him. I m glad he is still a piece. I know he had been trying to make me happy ytd. One of his first words when he landed, is that "xin ku ni le".

We had dinner at amk hub wif jeannie (his cousin). Then he send me home, where we talk at my hse void deck. We realised, we are both struggling to keep ourselves to each other, to maintain this rs. Is it going to worth all these effort?

I hope i can enjoy myself next week in the resort.

blogging from his hse now... he just landed. I m hoping things can go well....

I felt myself sipping into depression these few days. I have been crying everyday these few days for no reason, and when i start, I will begin to think of him, the way he treats me, the gd n bad.... The heartaches and pain comes again. I haven seen him for almost 2 weeks, and for the past few mths, we had been quarrelling, yet he gg NS soon. I guess, its time i make a decision soon.

I am happy at work today. Don dint work today, but have fun discussing sth wif CY. Well, it can be fun at times without the boss. Hahaz.Jia Rui's birthday today, happy bdae boy. I went to work, den meet my family at PS, den had dinner at Ajisen, den watch Rush hour 3.

Vin is landing on 7th, at 14.50pm, flight number tr987, budget terminal. Then I thinking to either go overseas with him for 2 days, or to stay in a resort room to relax.

I need a break. I break from all the worries and unhappiness....

I miss baby.... Haiz. I love him. But make me so sad. I am so happy that he called me, but it make me so sad oso. I miss him.

Hai. How to love him further? i duno...

Went to watch 881 last thrus, wif Nories, Alice, jamie, CY, Don, GM.... Nice show, i almost cried.



I m crossing my finger, hoping dat i wun be going to sembawang.. Justin, dun quit la. Hai. If i realli have to go there, i might as well quit.



I m tired, seriously tired. I m happy mich n xav make up le.I hope they can en en ai ai. I am talking to bee bee's bro now. He is saying that boy has been waiting for me, n my work is more impt den him. Dear, if u want me to quit, i will. U just say it, and u have to promise me, no horrible mths like these few mths i have to go thru ever again.

I love u, yes i do.... Will u love me back like i did? I just want to be a happy ger again. U will have no idea, how much tears is dropped from m eyes these few days, wif the thought u r leaving me for NS.....

I feel so lost, so helpless. 2 years ago, when i picked myself up from the failed rs, i found u. I gave u my everything, and u are my everything. My love, my smile, my happiness. U left me, all alone to face everything, everyone. I almost fainted so many times, yet u r nvr beside me, not even once. When we talk on the phone or in face, we always quarrel. Time is always not on our side, and the distance between us r getting bigger.

I know, u r thinking abt our future. However, how can we continue, if we cant spend time tgt. I have not had any new memories with u for so long. I only want love to get redeveloped between us again. I have been living on our past memories these few mths since Feburary, and all these cant work anymore, coz they r getting stale. I know its hard for u, and i understand y u r doing this, but i really cant take it anymore.

I want more time wif u, but NS is coming, and u have ur dad. Please dun blame me in the decision I will make. Its not dat i dont wish to walk down the future wif u, but i m not strong enuf to go thru so many tough obstacles u r putting me in. I want to love u for as long as we can, but, u r not giving me any love, and i cant feel it anymore from u.

The words u told me, dat i m selfish, and I m materalistic. Do u know, when u r not ard, I have to protect myself, and time wif u r so precious that i cant afford to let pple ard us to waste it, dats y i m selfish. Do you know, I have to shop and buy things to make myself happy, to rekindle the love we had in the past. You think i realli like it? I rather spend my time wif u, loving u and only u.

How many times u hurt me, with ur actions and ur words, I kept quiet. I realli felt so hurt from someone whom i love so much, who picked me up from the mess i was in, and also the same person who said such things to make me so hurt in my heart.

The tears dat was dropped, pierced into my heart. U told me i dint keep my promise to go for your course, i am sorry. I dun wish to explain much, becoz i feel so useless.

I ever told u b4, when i lose u, i will be single, mayb forever. Becoz i realli love u so much, dat i cant continue further. U r a nice guy, and u deserve a better lady for u.

Finally, i got my off day on SUNDAY! Yes, becoz tml i got someone coming, therefore i changed my off day to today. Baby went jogging, and soccer, den meet me for The Simpsons Movie at Vivocity at 2.05pm. Nice show. Both of us are such pigs, esp me, had nachos each. And we slacked at Starbucks, with me eating salad, and went amk to get my fruit juice, where we eat again!

Omg, think i put on so much calories, so i shall watch wat i m eating these 4 weeks. Fat fat ger! Hmmz, baby's mum say i slimmed. That was ytd! Gosh!

I wan to watch the 881 and the 1408! Wanted to go kbox wif boy today, but he is not feeling well. I hope he can faster be more free, and pei me more! I wan more of his attention. Haha, like any other gers, we are attention seeker.

I hope the blemishes on my face can get lost soon. I want my pretty skin back soon. Therefore, more fruit juices and more slp for me. Lesser stress please!

Had the company d n d on 14th aug, was a fun night, spent 55 bucks doing my hair though. Went to bar none to chill, but after dat we went to the pump room. Hahaz. Fun with GM, Jamie, Don, Huzaini, CY.

Dear, i love u. whenever i look back into my life with u ard, i felt the bliss. But now, i feel nth. I feel so bored, and my life seemed meaningless. I hope more attention from u. However, u may say, it is due to your work, everything will be fine soon. But, when u finish ur ns, u will be back to dat factory n work again. N my life will continue lidat...I noe u love me, n i love u too, but, our past memories are the ones accompanying me when u r not ard.

Work is so tiring for me.... but i m loving it. However, i have not gotten my confirmation letter. Work is sth for me to get rid of my loneliness...

Alvin kok, i hope u r mine truely. I wan more security n more love from u. I dont noe how long more i can hold on to this... I noe u r very tired from all this working, and missing me, but when i understands u, do u understand what i m going through? I m just a fragile ger, who needs my boy beside me as well.

Happy Birthday Singapore! This is the second year baby n i joined the rehearsal, enjoyed ourselves, watching the fireworks! So sweet

My colleague is very weird these days. The way he speaks to me! Hai.... I hope he can be alright.

Many of us look at things on the surface, we nvr try to look deeper into the things we see wif our eyes. There is a lack of trust between us, that I shld try to inject more for him.

I love him, and is real thankful to his creative gift of the webcam, and the sweet note.

Watched "alone" with my colleagues, jamie, me, cheeyang and don. Haha, jamie n i had great time screaming. I tot my screams cant b heard, but the guys claimed they heard mine, not jamie's. Well, if i watched more than 1/4 of the show, i sure cry.

Today sux. Had some company with 1000 people coming to release fishes. It makes us damn unhappy. Thx to my colleagues, :). We transport 250 chairs over, tough work.

Tired argh! Tml is set up, den ndp, den fishing com, den dnd.... den 7th mth... Busi!

Argh, had a tiff wif baby again! This is my one n only weekend off this mth, as I had been taking too much weekends off for the past 2 mths, but, baby's company has been cocking up his time to meet me, so i got so fed up wif him, and had attitude problems.

Haiz. time wif him is always so limited, yet we got so much things to do together. I bought my d n d dress today, and my clutch. Baby is angry wif me for not listening to his comments, and becoz of dat, i bought the dress I dislike. Haiz. But, i feel, i shld show more confident when wearing dat.

I love him still, but i feel heartache, so badly, esp when he said he feels like scolding me. I know its my fault for showing attitude, but i waited for u the whole day. :(

Tml i m working alone. I am thankful to my colleagues for helping me so much, esp when they know I hurt my wrist. Thanks.

Past few weeks have been relatively rocky for me. 22nd, the Primers D n D, was a big and unmemorable day for me. I was damn tired, but i went instead, as I know boy wants me to go. However, later in the day, he told me he sold the tickets back to the organisers, but when i insist i want to go, he says Pamela is going. I know right frm the start you had given her the tickets....

After dat D&D, baby and I have a big fight, over a stupid taxi driver. I trusted baby to give him directions,and the driver is stepping on his accelerator, thats y i dont wan him to overshoot, and i shouted to ask him to stop.

Baby n I quarreled, and he turned n leave me at the bus stop. Yes, I hate him at that time. I almost got knocked down by the other taxi. With teary eyes, I was damn sad. He ran back, and we spoke. That night, he wanted a break, refused to pick up my phone n stuffs, i cant slp till 4.30am, so i cab down to his hse and wake him up.Everything was cleared up.

25th, i check in tot he resort room, and waited for him to come, which was alrd 6pm. We went for dinner, rent a bicycle. We slpt ard 2am. The next morning, we went for breakfast at Mac, swimming and check out.

Went to buy some stuffs for my work, and we dine at Jack's Place at AMK. Its a virgin try for both of us, its a nice ambience.

My colleague is back from his trip, i dont know y, mayb he feels I m different alrd. Which is like, obviously. I heard from Yvonne on last sunday, that my company has confirmed me, but I am not so sure how true it is. But my colleague is promoted to Officer, congrats.

I hurt my wrist, and I am thankful for everyone's concern. Went singing with my boss they all again at Changi Airport 2 days ago. Had a great time.

I hope he dont hurt me again. I dont wan to think so much le. I hope things can be better. I feel very tired, i hope he can protect me, plan ahead of me, be my big brother, a best fren, and a great boyfriend to me.

Aww, u r sweet.Thx boy. Today is full of ups n downs. Baby told me ytd, dat his plan for 26th, is to have a resort room at ECP, or to go out to sea on the yacht. He planned to set aside a buget of 1k for the annivesary.

"It is not abt the money i spend on u. As u know, money is impt to businessman, but to me, u r more impt den money." This is wat he told me.

Blur boy, dint know how to book a yacht n the procedures, so i told him, but we decided to go for ecp instead, coz much worth it. Yacht can wait, coz i wan to go on it for my wedding. :)

I was pissed wif him ytd n today, for putting me aeroplane. But today,although he put me aeroplane n meeting me so late, i bought the wallet for him, finally, after searching almost all departmental stores. He says he love it.

I cried at marina square, coz i was so tired. he make me wait for him for 3hrs alone, and i spend 200 bucks in dat 2 hrs. Most of the things are for him. But i bought a nice fox jacket, dat baby oso say he likes it alot.

Anyway, ytd n the day b4, was talking to cy on msn abt some stuffs. I guess my dear colleagues are having their tongues wagging again. Hmmz. And Seri was dismissed. Sad.

Its 20-07 today, so being a hot date, i have a wedding at workplace. this couple is damn poor thing, yet lucky.The poor things are us, who pratically do the set up twice. So tiring. N the pool competition... I hope everything will be alright tml.

Ok, now i shall go prepare stuffs for our 2 yrs.... Shall not blog here, coz in case bee bee sees

My Wishlist goes on....

1. Sony Cybershot T100
2. Samsung Ultra 10.9
3. Ipod Video
4. Mac Laptop
5. Anna Sui makeups
6. Clinique Skincare

I miss him, my boy. Thx for the reassurace u gave me, abt the day at doby ghaut. I know u treasure me alot, and from the words u mentioned abt not giving me up, and that i m ur everything. U are sweet.

My colleague is going overseas alrd, n i m feeling stress from my work. Gosh, i duno how, seriously. Everything sux man. I have cough today. Lucky its not a bad one, but i duno why, i was damn quiet today, mayb i m too stress. Like wat my colleague said, everyone shld help one another, but i have no idea y, its always we help them, n nvr the other way round.

I feel i have grown today. :) Just dat, i miss him. Baby, NS is coming, i wan to treasure my time spent wif u....

Its just u n me, standing in the middle of doby gaught's station, hugging, looking into each other eyes, feeling our special feeling rising with love around us, just u n I....

I know i spolit the whole feeling, coz i was shy. Serious. I do know i love u, and everything is going on fine now, but pls understand me, i dun wan to give u empty promises, that I can last wif u for 2 yrs, i dun wan to hurt ur heart. Since young, i only hated, love, is sth i find in ur family, and on u.

Therefore, pls rmb,
'darling, no matter wat happen in future, pls rmb, there is a ger, whom u have loved, have love u alot too'

There is no promises, but there is a strong belief. i know u belief that we will be strong, but i have not much faith. Pls understand me, if in future, i have to leave u, but it will not be my intention.

Today my off day, wake up after 11 hrs of slp, had breakfast, and went for driving, after dat, meet my baby and den we separated to go to PS where i celebrate my dad's bdae for him.

Watched Die hard 4, nice show, at least its the first show my dad dint fell aslp... hahaz... tml got training, after dat my colleague will leave for his vacation, in which, it might be my growing up period. :)

It is part of the very fond memories i wish to keep in here, in which, ytd we had a dinner with Jamie, GM, Huzaini, CY, Jov, den went to kbox at parkway. Was damn unhappy with the remote controller we had, so we got them to change, we sing till 12.30am.

I got 1/2 day to work today. Was damn shocked to see the number of emails i received. Like i tot to myself, when CY is not ard, when Jamie is not ard, its the time for me to grow up in the company. Its either i pass, or i fail. I shall be strong, and work my way through.Dear God, please watch over me. Eileen, Gambatte!

I love u baby. I hope u can be stronger, and recover soon. Miss u alot. I hope u can work lesser, and pei me more. Hehe. I know u oso want.

I shall eat lesser carbohyadrates, less calories, exercise more,drink more water n vegetables, and keep a healthy lifestyle,so that i can go backpacking once my stamina is built up, i want to go taiwan and thailand soon.

Went to dentist last friday, spent $155 on it, freak la. But it is a consolation to know i do not have wisdom tooth, from the x-ray I took. However, i guess my gum overstretched, no still hurts. :( But i got a nice filling in my mouth, no black black.

I want my skin to recover, i miss my fair skin, my flawless face. I shall work harder to it, slp earlier.

I feel so stressed when working, coz i scared of causing trouble, but like baby had said, i nid to be responsible.

I want to go Backpacking!!!

I want to go backpacking! It has been my dream since young, to enjoy the fun of having freedom to roam the around the countries, without having to go back to the same hotel to slp, and bring the personal belongings around, makes me mroe secured.

Brought this idea up to mich just now, but like wat she said, gers cant go alone, we nid guys, mayb to help us carry our stuffs? But, i want to go Thailand to backpack, the place full of interesting stuffs to explore.

How how? I need to find someone to pei me go. I know, there is people who tell me, go with my bf. The point is, he is gg NS soon, and he dun have time. :(

Hai, I shall aim for nov, mayb ard my birthday. Yup. Hopefully the ladies can make time for it.