Every man's wish, is to have an ideal job they love, salary to be able to provide a shelter and to feed the family. When they are working, they hope to have peace. The lady of the house to be at home, maintaining the well being, cooking delicious meals for the Man, waiting from him to return from work....

I think, this is also my dearest boyfriend's wish. :) Dont say I dont understand you. I do, and I know very well.

I am no longer having the urge to dash like when i was still before my 20 year old. But, I wish you can understand, i prefer personal financial stability, and working a job that is easy and I like de.

The reason why both of us study business, is to give ourselves a chance, to explore into various aspects of this industry. Everyone deserves chances, in their life, to do what they wish to do.

Finally, I finished the "Romantic Princess" show. haha, my boyfriend always say, I am a chilli padi, and very "diao man gong zhu". Hahaz,dar, u spolit me lah... :) xin fu xiao nu ren

13th March, my virgin trip to tavern night. Quite ok la, if i m a heavy drinker. But i m not. :( Just finish 1 mug only.

My mum did a very pro thing today, she threw away my dad's laptop by mistake. lol.... Lucky its a very cheap 2nd hand laptop, $300. Useless. Discard also good. My sis got her new laptop for Poly, so dad can use her current one, which is less den 1 yr old.

My sis is applying for scholarship. Her sch offers her to dat.

Tired. Very tired. Did a major set up. My own dept colleagues are not there to help. I m alone, having to beg and ask other departments to lend me manpower to complete the set up. The whole set up starts from 10am to 4pm, with 45 min break in between. If today, I cant get any manpower to help me, i will just ask my boss to come back n do himself, or I will just quit, coz it is mission impossible. Hai, but what to do?

Off tomorrow. Driving lesson. Will take a good long rest...

Rain rain rain... its getting into my nerves! Duno y, i m getting more frustrated these days. I need him by my side more.

I was researching on the net. And came across this...

Hormone imbalance symptoms can be any one or more of the following:

Allergy symptoms
Depression, fatigue and anxiety (have)
Endometriosis
Fibrocystic breasts
Hair loss and facial hair growth
Headaches, dizziness and foggy thinking (have)
Low sex drive
Osteoporosis
PMS (have)
Urinary tract infections and incontinence
Uterine fibroids
Weight gain, water retention and bloating (have)
Wrinkly skin

HORMONE IMBALANCE causes PREMENOPAUSE and MENOPAUSE SYMPTOMS!

I hope i wun have this, but the doctor has told me, my condition is this. This is part of the reason as to my sudden severe outbreak on my skin.

Premenopause and menopause sounds scary. i m barely 21 year old. What if my period stops? What if i cant give birth to kids for my love man?

I dont know. I haven't tell Alvin about all these. Dont know if he can take it or not. Or will it be the cause of our future breakups? Argh! Looking at the list, others might just have one, but my conditions is more den one.

I duno. My life is in a mess now.

Today I m off.... Went for a new experience in my life. Enjoyed so much... Thanks to adel for the recommendation :)

My bf went in to unit alrd. I hope he is doing fine in there...

This week, so many things happened... Pregnancy, abortion etc... everything seemed so sudden. Dun worry, its not me, it is my frens ard me. Glad for those who delivered their babies smoothly, for those who has to go thru abortion, i hope they will be safe and sound.

I fell down ytd at work, again, due to floor slippery.

I want to get Oriental Silk Kimono.... Nice nice. The dried craisins are yummy!

1st March, we celebrated my dear's 21st birthday. though it came late, but, it is something that i believe he enjoyed. Instead of just a speech, I m had to do a dance with him. I think everyone love the cake and the bbq.

Thanks to all the frenz who came, and my dearest princess, Adel, who came to accompany me. She is such a pretty darling... Taught me so much...

I will buy my contact lens tml...

A good news that, my dear is booking out tml... Yeah! After his POP, everything is goin back to track. I hope he will be happier.

went to work from 9 to 12 today, den jamie, GM, Huz and myself, too "rainbow" from Changi to Sembawang. 6 hours of sailing... I was having seasick initially... thereafter, quite ok, we had a fantastic picinic session. Got hands on experience on the Corporate sailing. Cool!

Then we had dinner at Thomson, den Don sent me back home. Can I strike lottery? Haiz... So many things to get. After speaking to Adelaide over the past 2 days, it make me wonder, shld I leave for a better paying job, and better prospect?

Haiz... shall leave this question unanswered, until june. I will consider then.

I m missing him now.... I hope u will complete ur route march safely.... Jia you...

Baby just went back to camp after 5 days of mc... Misses him. Been working hard at work, accompanying him and then working at night again.

I hope i can finish the banner on time. So tired. I m very very tired. Sick, tired....

So nice of Uncle Steven n Jacklyn, to treat me nice dishes last few days. Except for boy, everyone has been treating me very nice. :)

I bought a new jacket at $20, usual at $40 ytd, and a tube dress at $18, usual $69. Ytd went his hse after my last dance class, told him abt my new purchase, he just shoot me, y spend money again.... I dint buy much clothes for cny, now sale buy oso cannot. :(

Den, wh, ken they all cant help me, coz i forget to ask them. So what, i will accomplish dem myself ok. I m helping u, becoz u r my bf. Usually, taking the service, will cost you $400 alright...

Dear, please understand lor. Your 21st birthday, i want u to be happy. But, i m not oblighed and a not MUST to do as you say. I m helping you as much as I can, but, i got my own work to do.

I know u gonna say, i m very serious abt my work. Pls, they are paying me, my future, of course la.

Helping you, yet i all i got was a scolding from you... A SCOLDING!!! :(

In just like... 1 and a half hour, it will be 26th of the mth again, which also means, 2 years and 7th mth.. With alvin...

Hai... I m so worried for him now. His speeding, he has to appear at court... I hope he will be alright, and will be able to go through the whole situation soon.

Kaiyan wans a divorce, but i cant help her. Seriously, I m tired of everything. I misses him... :) So happy to see him just now, coz... he is such a lucky boy, his parents set aside $1k for a necklace and pendent.

Finally, I submitted my first uni application, next is the other two unis, hope i can go in either of them, coz dun wish to spend my parents cash.

Praying hard, I need more luck...

Darling, please save up. Next year the travel fair, we will go and get the package for our destination! Looking forward!

Its my boy's 21st birthday ytd.... Slpt over at his hse, and i bet he must be the happiest ytd. :)

He is given 5 days MC, due to the eye problem he has. Good also, meaning he can accompany me. Bad is, lesser time for me to prepare his things. :( Haiz.

Told him about my head injury. He dint blame me for hiding from him. I will be his eyes if his eyes are injured, just like promised of take care of me if my head injury worsen.

Went to see doctor today after breakkie at Mac Donalds with dear. The doctor says not a very major head injury. The ba lu ku will dissolve soon. The worst of the head injury, will probably be head spinning and giddiness. So he gave me some medicine on that.

Today we celebrated my grandma's 80 years old. Just a simple dinner, and realised, everyone has grown older. :) Happy thing, as we matures.

Today is an unplanned off day... Coz I was sick ytd. Fainted, and i think my head hit the wall. Now when i walk, i cant seem to walk straight. Hope I will be alright.

Thinking that I still got to buy baby's bdae decoration things, and all the preparation, and my own events... Haiz. I wanted to go hospital to do an xray on it, but no time.

I hope he wun see this post.. I dint tell him I fainted. Dun want him to worried, as he got field camp for the next few days....

Cant wait to see him, hope my health will get better.

Tired.... Argh, tml is the last day, before i have an off day, counting down sia. I got an ang pow today! hahaz... it cover my taxi fare for the day alright...

Ytd went to boy's hse after work, slack with him after pepper lunch at amk. Haiz... we quarrelled. i dun wan to slp on his parents bed, but his bed is occupied by some idiotic pple. Hai, they even used his blanket and keep our tortise into the storeroom, poor pet.

When slping, i was suddenly awaken by sth... So frightened.I shaked him awake, but he refused to bludge. :( so we had a big quarrel and fight. Haiz...

I dint get to slp well, coz nightmares throughout, but the quarrel. But he is nice to sms me in the morning to apologise for it. So we made up.

Just ended work at ard 7 today,coz competition. Went to tampines and took a cab to hub to get diiner before proceeding to his hse. He promised me not to leave me alone like last night again, and gave me his hand made bouquet of chocolates and a cute lil bear. Thanks dear! I know he dint slp as he had to make this present. Thanks. I m really surprised this time, dint thought of it!

It is the company dinner tml, haiyo, so far away. This coming sat is boy's 21st bdae. Was thinking to make sth for him, but i m like so lack of slp alrd hur...

I want my beauty slp.... I have kapo my bf's psp and creative mp3, so together with my camera, I have so many technogy items in my baggie, so heavy. :(

Its our 3rd time celebrating Valentine's Day with Alvin. Thank you for the nice pink rose. I love u!

:) I m a happy girl, and i hope to stay this way. Ytd when he told me he got nights out, i went to JP to see him. He was late, so I queued for Fish n Co myself, so long queue, for half an hr,and everyone is looking at me, y i m alone?

At least, I m happy. :) Thanks. I hope u like the boxer. Cheez!

Work today is so tedious, i bet i must have walked ard the club for 15 times. My feet is damn hurtful.

He is booking out tml. Yeah!

Say I am wasting my money... Hopefully not, praying hard.... Uni application is opened. And I have just applied for NTU. Ok, i know my GPA sux, but, just for fun ok?

Happy Chinese New Year. This is the fourth day. I am a happy girl this new year. His parents gave me such a big ang pows, I gave his family yu sheng for prosperity.

His aunty, Aunty May, recommended me a job, with better prospect, $300 higher den my current pay. But i just turned it down. Becoz, firstly, I like my current colleagues, den, I going back to school, dun want to waste pple's time. Also, it will be stressful to work with his relatives, and on first day, I went temple to pray, the pray turns out that my efforts will be paid off this year. Hope so. I hope I made the right decision. :)

My 6th aunt's son, my baby cousin is so cute.... Seriously cute....

Yesterday, 9th Feb, baby finally sees my parents. He came my hse to bai nian with my parents. hahaz, he says he is not happy. :( bad la u....

Work starting tml... Haiz. Hope my work will be more fun. :)

Ytd went to my gf's hse bai nian. Ok, I m going to be the first to get married ok? Hahaz, see how la... If my bf has the career and money, I dun even mind engaging now.... coz love already exist between us, just the lack of ability to start a family.

He just booked in, I hope he will be fine.

My Happiest Moments in these two days... Even though I got to work late yesterday, Vin is nice to come to Tanah Merah MRT to meet me. We took cab to Hougang with Clara, den to Boy's hse. He got our second couple rings from PS before meeting me, and when i was talking to Clara, he slipped it on my finger. Sweets! I was damn tired, that i fell aslp on the cab.

When reaching his hse, i head for the bed immediately. Hahaz... baby says I was mumbling the whole night, slp talking. He dint get to slp well, coz he was massaging me to make me relax from the nightmares I am having. Thank you!

He just booked in, but he will be booking out tml evening! Yeah! I am a happy girl. I m looking forward to the cny. Smiles*

No quarrels for us these two days, just smiles and hugs! We just eat, and slp. The only place for shopping is NTUC, coz it was a rainy day. How i wish our meeting time will always be like this, so much better. :) Hoping that Vdae he can have timeout. *please please.....

I m getting so fat, like an elephant! Boy, stop feeding me la. I m like a FAT ass now. :( Super sad. Shall target at my 42kg.

Tml is monday, I shall slp early now, den tml go tampines for eyebrow after work, come home do some packing... Tues is class again, and then, Wednesday is New Year's Eve.... Tata

Bread or Love?

Bread... i need to be gan en tu bao. Although i m no longer happy like i used to be, but I learn many things there before.

Love... This morning, i received an sms from him, he says " feel our time tgt not enough, feel machiam I'm single lidat'...

" the thoughts of having u spurs me on...the thoughts of wanting to support u drives me on. But i really got to make it clear and truthful to u now, coz last night cant slp n kept thinking... realised I cant take it anymore.. I seriously dun mind if u have to work on weekends or have sth on, but i just feel we are seriously not spending enough time tgt... Maybe my fault, maybe your, i duno.. Just know I m having that very lonelyfeeling even on weekends."

I dont know how to tell u this. but, u think i like to work in weekends instead of accompanying u? U think i like to make u feel lonely? When u are not ard in weekdays becoz u have no choice, do u know how i felt, how time passed so slowly for me? U think I like to make our rs turn out this way?

Bread or love, they affect my future. Without u in my life, i felt sth is out of place. But, my career now determines my future. Not as in I m going to work there forever, but the testimonials and all.

U rmb, i told u before, before i work for this job, i gave u 2 options, the PR one, or the events one. u told me to choose for myself. I did, but now, u are giving me pressure on this.

Alvin, arent the relationship suppose to be compromising... I duno how to explain to u, how difficult this whole year has been for me? The weekends are just 2 days a week, the rest of the fives days, its difficult for me, very difficult.

I shall be a good girl, to follow these steps to a healthy and prettier me, Sleep before 12 everyday! & maybe exercising 2-3 times a week, less late nights!!!, DIY facial once a week & exfoliating twice a week, body scrub once a week, dance class once a week....

Was praying and cursing those freaking slow boats. Luckily, after much anticipation for their return, i managed to clear all 17 boats before 6pm, thereafter, off duty for the week. Cabbed to Vin's hse from tanah merah mrt, $12.40. Darling, u say u will subsidise me, I will place it here to remind u.Hahaz, jkjk...

We went to have dinner, hokkien prawn mee, and chatted abt his 21st celebration with his dad n bro. After sending him to camp, i went to his god mum hse with his family, first time, without him ard.

Dear was happy, and i like the words he told me over the phone just now. Was nvr as deeply in love before. Thanks for being so sweet.

It was our 2 and a half year ytd. Lucky i was smart, i run to Don and tell him earlier. Now, its about off days competition. hahaz. Ytd is really special, my company gave me a surprise, little yet special. And boy and I tried the Billy Bombers at The Cathay. Although my tummy wasnt well dat day, but, i enjoyed the food and the service there.

After food, we went to PS to get our second pair of couple rings. Spent like $108 for the ring, with free engraving, and $25 worth of bears. i am starting to like soft toys, but, it is still a waste of space, but sometimes, when u got it from someone special, it is very different.

I will make his 21st an unforgettable one. I am alright with working with his Bro for this celebration, to make it a great one. But i hate it, when his father says" I give this project to u ok, den allen help u" Like wth, who u think u are?You are not engaging me, not paying me, and I am suppose to listen to u? F**K off la.

I will assist Allen, I dun care.Say what you want lor... Like i bother!

I m watching the show Kuang Ye Wo Di... Nice nice... The male actor is damn shuai.... Wahahaz...

I miss him... Can u book out earlier? :(

I duno. I feel i m a bad ger, not gd enuf for u. maybe due to my background, I tend to be more fierce. I know u prefer girls who are gentle n listens to u.

Mr Chong is a great adviser... Thanks friend. He is an ex colleague of mine, in my current job. Thanks friend, for being there for me when i need help, listening ear and everything.

You are right. I can no longer think back, hoping things in the club to be back to before november. Since May to Nov 2007, it has been my happiest time there. The department was so close, everyone is happy with our own jobs and fun doing things dat seemed so difficult to us. The times that we had lunch together, movie outings, shoppings, working late at nights together, waiting for each other....

Although things are so different now, four of us had spilted so much, changed as much, but, we have to live life like tomorrow is just another new day, happy oso got to pass, unhappy oso got to pass.

I will do my part, my job with responsibility, other jobs are no my concern.

Mr Chong gave me a good advice, "What others say about you is not important, what you think about what they say about you is"...

After this mth, this current job is going to top my other jobs, in the jobs dat I had stayed on the longest. He advised me, to stay on as long as I can, at least 2 yrs. I will try my best. :)

He tell me a verse from the Bible " But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
isiah 40:31

He advised, the LOrd can be something you believe in or it can even be yourself. Most importantly, if you have believe/trust in yourself or something, you will definitely suceed.

Thanks, he is really a well learned person. :) I m a happier person now.

I just misses him... He haven been calling me for the past few days, becoz he is out for field camp. I cant wait for saturday to arrive...

Off tml, I will rest very well, to build up my energy for Sat n sunday...

My weight has been going up. But at night, i eat as little as just vegetables. Maybe its the lack of exercise. But Jamie n I always do our practices at least 10 mins a day. Duno y as well...

I miss going overseas with you. I hope to leave to further places the next time round. Saving up now, to go Japan with u.

My dance class had been damn fun. Hai, too bad last week I cant attend. :(

Specially for Alvin:

I know how you are feeling right now, from the lack of slp, energy driaing trainings. I understand that you wanted to meet me as much as you can, and you want me by your side. I will try to do so as far as I can.

The timing between us, has always been unbalanced. When you truly madly love me, I m making you sad. When I love you so much, you hurt my feelings badly.

This time, when i promised you in sept 2007, that I will walk on with u in these 2 years, I will, no matter how difficult things has been between us.

You must jia you, and try your best. Dun nid to worry about me, i will be fine.You have my support, gambatte!

Take care dear, and smile always. :) Loves....

Annie's wedding

Ytd, 20th Jan, is my pretty cousin Annie and her husband Jian Fann wedding dinner. Initially, I had told Annie that I will be attending, yet my daddy told her we wont be going. Eventually, we still went, coz Annie taught me A Maths before, and she is such a nice lady, the best cousin that I had.

The first time, I see everyone reporting to a wedding dinner, we occupied like 8 tables woah.Was seating with parents, then as my aunts they want to have an adult sitting area, sis and I changed to sit with my little cousins.

For the whole night, those aunts came to ask me, if I have bf, when is my turn.... Den daddy says he wans to be grandfather.. idiot la, just becoz you see my aunt got a grandson?

Before the wedding dinner ytd night at Bukit Batok, I went to bf's hse ard 11am. Sit a while, den his dad says to go to pasir ris funfair to support bf's godma. Thereafter we came back, and nap for a while, before going for foot massage with bf, his mum and his bro. Using his mum's package, when asked what is our relationship with her, his mum says, 2 sons, den erm... 1/2 daughter. Hahaz. Nice to get recognised, but stressing also.

Wherelse can I get a bf, who help me put on the strap for my dress. Thanks dear. It is really a blessing to have you, who supports me in most areas. Good news for u dear, ytd night dinner, daddy asked y u dint come? Hahaz. So are u ready to see the family?

For my work wise, for now onwards, I will just do my own part, which is social events. Corporate I will only do when there is inbounce calls from my desk or from the manager. Other den dat, i feel, its not my problem. I will not bring work home, and will only do within my work timing, 9 to 6, unless of big events. Although my working pace is rather fast, unless necessary, other things not my problem I will not be bothered, my attitude will be, do my own part, the rest, its your own problem.

Ok, off to go for a sian day of work. Haiz....

Mr Bf just booked out, but i m blogging from home le.... Finally, its friday today, the first time I am home straight from work. Damn tired, and tml is a long long day.

My hse is having world war now. Alamak. Tml is adeline's bdae, 21st. happy birthday, young lady, hope you will have lotsa babies soon.

I cant see my boy till sunday. We have plans to go Mandai Zoo. Dont ask me y, or question if we had childhood. Maybe its due to shopping is getting boring for us, and we want to do something just between us.

:) I hope to leave earlier tml... Cross fingers, or maybe not.

Happy 19th Birthday my dearest sister.... And happy advance bdae to mummy...

Ok, start of my rants... I have been coughing like mad... Seriously bad. i felt weak and all... But, due to my work nature, i got to go work as per normal with those viruses. i have never request for special cases, not even one, coz i will feel gulity abt it.

This week, though I had been sick, i still report to work, working OT. Yet, when i need to go for my dance class, it was rejected. nevermind. But, today, its my sister's bdae. i know saturday i might not be able to get off or go off early, so I only ask for today, for just normal office hours. isit so difficult?

Yes, my bf only comes out during the weekends, so i dun nid so much outside time during the weekdays. But since my weekends had been reserved for my bf, which means weekdays are for my family, friends and myself, not just work ok!

I m seriously pissed. Whats wrong sia. The colleague in Sembawang is here. I stay oso no point, coz i cant help, esp when i m coughing like mad. The other colleague can go off to meet his gf, y i cant celeb my sis bdae for her?

My colleagues can attend their classes, go for things they want to do, yet i cant. What logic is this? Why is it whenever I ask for something, it is always rejected? Becoz of my position? Ya right, both of them are higher ranks den them, arent they suppose to be more busy and work longer hrs den me? Jamie has always asked me, y another person can get what he request, yet I always cant. I had always been brushing her off, coz i put up with it, but now, i wont anymore.

I seriously dun understand la. Adel, my frenz, my family, my bf has been telling me, Eileen, wake up your idea, not worth it...

I thought, I am happy here. But this week, my sickness is not understood, my problems are not being heard, everything seemed so useless, dat i feel like slapping those who irritate me.

This is getting ridiculous... NB.... Cant blame me when i am returning to the attitude i used to have in secondary school. My temper has already gotten better ok...

What make me more angry is, some people can borrow things from me, when i tell her get it herself, i meant that she has to return after use. When i need the item badly, i got to walk ard the club to look for it, with my poor health. Yet, I was directed to the wrong place, until I called her, and she ask another person to pass to me. Like, WTH! So what if u are married, u can ask ur husband to come n talk to me, like i scared of u. Big F**K!

Darling, i dun mean to be harsh here.

Hai, I just want to have a simple n peaceful life. Y i cant get peace?

Yes, dear, i know when you see this, you will want to pacify me again...

Abt u, I was damn sad when you told me abt you considering to breakup, just becoz of the ns. Like, y? In Sept 07, u told me, u want me to walk on with u, coz i nvr know how it will be if i nvr try. The thing is, I know. You had known me for almost 3 yrs, u shld know, I have the ability to see the future, or maybe predict, which 90% are accurate. Dats y i know u will, but i trusted u then, to love u all over again. Now, u tell me this, making me unsure of whats going on. I m lost, u tell me how?

Truly Madly in Love...

13th Jan, Justin's last day in the club. This gentleman, is a damn bully la... Don asked me to contact him ytd, regarding a social event. I asked to meet him outside, he says he going back changi today. Alamak, of all days, the day dat i m not ard. Good la... He says, i can call him, but not after 1800 hrs, coz he will charge me at his consultation rate after dat. idiot.

Slpt late ytd, den wake ard 7 plus go the boy's hse, only to find all of his family members at home, except him. When I was waiting for bus 74 to go his hse, there is this girl, who was standing at the bus stop, i walked past her, and she gave me a freaking stupid attitude and face, which i felt like giving her a slap right in her face sia...

haha, i realise, his slowness is inherited from his mum... Wahaha. His dad asked me to help him to put the thread in the needle, coz he cant see.

We were discussing out the boy's 21st party, i suggest NSRCC, den eventually, we are considering SAFYC liaoz... Duno la. He machiam bo chup de...

He reached home ard 9am, den we slp till 2 plus, wake up for the nice lunch his mum bought, den went back slp till 5.30pm... Den its time for him to book in. I sent him to JP, and we had sushi again. The rain was damn so big today, so we cabbed there. Well, i dint spent money today, except for the vitamin C today.

He is a very sweet boy today. I snugger up to him while slping. When we are at JP, he ask me, I want to buy flowers for u. I was like, for what reason? He says, coz u are extremely sexy and pretty today. Maybe due to the weightloss and my ultra short shorts today la... He just made me xin hua nu fang, truly madly in love....

With the whole day of slp... now i m too energetic to slp now... gd sia...

Retail Thearpy works big time! Ok, i spent alot ytd. Was out shopping in town after driving (u-turn class) with my dearest little girl, Adel. Junie came to join us after dat. These gers just came back from Bangkok, each spending $1k sing there. Wow...

I should have gone there instead of KL la, but oso, i wasnt able to leave for so long den.... Haiz...

I cut my hair at far east, $36, cheaper den kimage... I think the stylist is good, and i trust him to deal with my hair:) I bought a URS shoes. I must be mad, thinking boy's dad manufacture URS shoes de... hahaz, maybe i just like to get served in the retail shops?

Great time spent shopping. I bought a tank top for just $5, dats damn cheap ok. Being with dem, i realise, its time for me to take care of my skin, coz i m really aging so damn fast. Heeren is selling those items dat we can buy from sprees, but thats gd also, no waiting time, and people to service.

Argh, 15th i cant go for my class... :( sad la... Its so fun and enriching.

Bf will be doing guard duty tonight, so, i can only accompany him tml. We had planned to slack at his hse tml... Heez.... We are slackers alright.

Had been looking out for new year clothes, but nth interest me... Haiz...

New year coming again, and he is going to pop the same qn again. haiz... Sometimes, i hope u can understand me. Its really a bliss to have you, but, sometimes when u say, makes me feel, i am very tired... Dont know..

Miss you dear... I feel so weak. Wake up this morning, took an early bus to work, yet i m still late, have to resort to taking a cab in sia. Alamak! Thanks to dat accident that caused the jam up to an hour.



I am having flu, cough, slight fever, headache, period cramps now... Crossing my fingures that i wun faint tml. tml is my driving class again, after 1 month of rest.



Ended work earlier today, coz wasnt feeling well. Went to Singpost to renew my Provisional License. My nose is crying sooo badly... Argh.



Hai 15th i got to work late, but i got class lehx... What to do sia. Maybe shall skip one class, but i scared i cant catch up. How how how?



I sucks in managing my stress lah... I need my listening ear. After speaking with my doctor ytd, the period came today. I m indeed under great stress.

Was speaking to Gracie just now, the gentle nice lady intro this hair stylist to me from "Toni & Guys"... I shall try it soon.

Tired, sick, stressed... I have nvr felt so weak before la...

Took time off today, and went AMK for doctor. My period has not been here, due to hormones problem.

Now the doctor tells me, my stress I am having is too big, mentally and physically. Boy is nice enuf to understand my condition to rest more instead of going Boonlay today for his Nights Out.

I spent $65 on the medicine on flu and cough. Idiot la.... I hope those medication will work.

After work yesterday, Jamie and I meet Chris, and had dinner at Suntec, den we went for our lesson. Fun la, but my muscles are aching like hell. I must really exercise regularly.

Now i m running a fever... Maybe i should go doctor to get medication to relieve my super stress... Headache!

Dear i dun want to work liaoz... I want to enjoy life... So u earn for me ok?

I want to buy my new year clothes, but we have no time to go shopping. I need retail threapy..

Mummy is agreeable to my plan. Alright, eileen will complete her driving course by end feb 2008. While waiting for the driving test, I will erol for CFP, this course will be a night class, module 1 to 6, for all 12 to 18 mths...

In the meanwhile, i will keep a look out to UniSim enrollment. Due to that rule of 21 years and above, i got to wait a while more. But its alright, CFP will keep me occupied.

No more lazing ard le. I have woke up. Working doesnt mean giving everything in. Its just part of your daily life, but there are other parts of the daily life, with more interesting and fulfilling things to input. So, I will keep myself occupied with studies, while my boy can be my proud Army Man.

I m proud of him ok! Dear, just want to tell u, you will never know how proud i was of u, when u told me you can do your first pull ups. You told me its my encouragement. But, u did it! Jia you... Will support u in whatever your decision is.

My resolution in year 2008:
- Get my car license
- Study my CFP
- Enrol in Uni by the end of the year
- have a special 21st birthday

He just booked in... And i m missing him alot alot .... This feeling has nvr been with me for so long.

I had not been very happy. Was at his hse ytd after work, he ignored me, den i felt so sad and cried. He felt so gulity... But i was weeping alot. Coz of work. I felt so much like resigning alrd. Everything is so tiring for me. Mich they all, ade, kaiyan, my parents, everyone is asking me to reconsider my work since the start. I stayed, becoz i m happy...

These few days, i felt unbearable stress. Everything is throw to me. :( Having 6 meetings with clients a week is crazy, when on average, the most I only have 2 meetings a month. Of the 6 meetings, 4 of them are not mine. This is damn crazy la. Its like, I duno... i was damn busy, yet the other departments are giving me more stuffs...

I am unhappy.... Darling says, he loves me so much that he will support me to my decision, but he wun support me if I am going to let the matter rest.

Dont know what to do.... He told me, to go back to school , as what his grandmother said... So, i had been looking at CFP and UniSim le... waiting for their reply, and maybe.... lets see.

Went to eat Ichiban with his mum n bro for lunch today. Yummy! I m getting fat by my darling's feedings...

missing....

Determination is will give a set to your goals... My new year resolution, other den getting into a uni, I also want to learn dance etc...

I want to be happy... Miss him.

Yeah! I m not the only one who is drunk ytd.....Clara was drunk too! Hahaz...

After his soccer, he came to fetch me. So coincidentally, he stopped behind my dad's lorry, and my siblings and mum just alighted. So he kinda "meet" my family today. the boy so smiling the whole afternoon sia...

boy just booked in... Miss u. I finally got back the feeling. Hope it can last.

We went to have ichiban sushi. Nice food. Darling ate sooo much. This is our one and only meal for the day.

Drunk!

Darling was given a long weekend off, plus he got the car, so he sent me everywhere i want to go. Thanks.

Ytd, for the first time, I got to work during a New Year. Gosh, and somemore, its like 9am to 1am, on 31st Dec. Very gladful, that everyone enjoyed, and this is a very successful event. Great to see the members and boaters being so happy, joining us in our elephant dance. The staffs, like ping, jamie, me, Sim, clara, rose, huz, went on stage for a short dance. I had great fun that night.

Everyone was anticipating on Cheeyang's gf arrival. Hahaz. She is damn cute. Everyone is damn funny, once they arrive, we siam. Hahaz, the rest of the staffs who saw us doing that, asked y we so auto. hahaz, pple lovely dovy mah, oso must understand, they live so far apart, its not easy to spend time together.

I was the bunny girl for the whole night. Haiz. Damn upset abt it. But nvm, its in 2007. I m in 2008. Shld forgive them.

Boy refuses to join me at the party. He says he is an unsociable person, shy etc... hahaz. I was missing him damn dearly the whole nights, hoping he will come. But he went to his cousin hse and meeting Pamela and Tian Chai. Haiz....... I was damn unhappy and sad for the whole night hor dear.

After the Party, while waiting for Mr Kok, and clara was waiting for Jackson, we had a drink with huz, aza and don. Hahaz. Don idea of making clara and myself to bottoms up. I won. but due to drinking with an empty stomach and some gastric, and my unhappines, my head starts spinning in no time. By the time Alvin arrives in 1/2 hr later, and I m 1/4 drunk.

Its the first time in my life that I was drunk. We even went to Bedok for supper. Vin called a roti John for me, but after drinking his teh tarik, i vomited. So, i ended up having a small piece of the food, and 1/2 glass of lime. Feeling damn awful, and the guys were laughing at me for my drunking look. :(

Darling got to hold me when I walk. Usually, when i drink, the most I will get tipsy. Its the first time i got to the extent of vomit. Haiz......Went to his hse after dat for the night. I have no idea what he did la, coz i was so drunk. Once i stepped into the hse, i go to the bedroom and knock out. Reached there ard 4am le. Middle of the slp, i wanted to go toliet, i was staggering and knocking into things, with the sevre headache.

Woke up at 7 plus, we rot till 9am on the bed. Den the boy sent me home while he go for soccer with his bro and the bro friends.

Meeting him later.... tata.

its another wedding tml.... Everytime when i see people's wedding, i will wonder, will I ever get married? I know boy will read this post, but, dear, things are hard to determine la....

Went towning after my auto driving lesson with Adel. This pretty lady is heartbroken, and I finally met her after like, 9 mths? I missed her tons. We had a great time taking abt bfs, abt love, relationships, travellings etc. i would very much like to join them to their trip in bangkok, but, sorry girl, i cant la...

Ytd, i finally realised, she understands me so well. many people said, Eileen, you loves alvin more den he does to you. Yup, at times. But in most cases, my bf loves me more, for those friends who knows me very well... There was this saying, getting loved is much easier and better den loving someone.

Oh yes, the Minds Cafe, Kendrick and Weehoon team up to play taboo against Alvin n myself. Hahaz, their first word was "vibrate" and weehoon is supposed to describe it to ken. Hahaz, the way she described, alvin n myself laughed till crazy! Lol, oops, we know some of u guys secret! Wahahaz.

Happy girl!

Festive mood

Haven blogged, due to me being so busy... Its the festive season, so, I had been equally busy!

In my previous post, I was still working. I ended work dat day at 12.30am, and reached home at almost 1am! Alamak! Adel called me dat day. She complaint that she hasnt seen me for almost a year. Girl, i missed u too. Not that I always push my bf to accompany u when u get heartbreaks, but I am always so busy. The little girlfriend just broke up, and is mending her heart.

Ray's son is so cute....

Then, on 23rd Dec, mahjong competition. After dat, we went to Riverside Indonesian Restaurant for dinner, 6pax mounts up to $99. Wow! Thereafter, we went to Ice Cold Beer Bar for drinking session. i guessed i was a little drunk dat night. Went home with Elizabeth. We spoke alot dat night... Reached home like ard 1am as well

24th Dec, I half day, went to work for only 2 hrs. Was told to attend to someone as instructed by the GM. Then I mit alvin, we had lunch at bugis, ma mansion. Nice place but quite ex. The night, we meet kendrick and weehoon at Taka, walked in town, had dinner at The Village at Heeren. After that, we walked to Paradise Centre to Minds Cafe. Played for 2 hrs, damn fun, esp Taboo! had the Rocher dou hua, yummy!!! We wished each other Merry Christmas, before going home.

This is the first yr, i get to go out so late, and count down with my friends... especially memorable.

I meet my boy at 12 noon today. Merry Christmas to all! We slpt, coz both of us unwell, and tired. Till 4pm, while we went to Bishan to have our meals, at Thai Express! Nice food! Spicy though.

I bought my contact lens, grey colour. Its festive season, so must be different.

We watched Alvin and the Chipmunks, my boyfriend is so happy! Nice show! Dear, loves u.

he is booking in tml to SISPEC. Hope everything goes well for him. I going for my auto driving tml, den meet my girlfriend adel.

I am in the festive mood!

I am damn bored. Blogging from office? Haiz, coz I m still in office at this time, 8.37pm. And i supposed I will be working till 11pm today. Tat will be 12 hours of work, considering tml will be a major taskf ro me, coz I will be handling most of the things.Haiyo....

Someone just asked me, can I remember when is my first date? Interesting, I can say. Even my babes may not know abt my first date.

I called dear, and asked him the same question. He cannot remember. I forgive him. Y? Coz ours is a complicated case. If you asked me abt Royston and me firstd ate, I can clearly rememeber the day to Queensway when he first held my hand.

But taking about Alvin and I, we were together before we officially announced to the others. We held hands etc before we are together. Many of u say, I am putting a very big stake. What if the guy dont love me? Coz alvin was liking his partner at BAOC then. Lets put it this way, you may say that I wooed him to love me, but I was damn happy when he told others I am his Girlfriend. Sweets!

Getting his attention and his liking den was damn difficult then, coz he is a big popular boy, due to the Singapore Idol. I even had a classmate of mine, who questioned me that, You think he really loves u? Yayaz, that time, my polymate told me to ignore her, coz she is propbably jealous that a person like me can have a bf.


Ok enough to that question.

KL Trip 2007

I enjoyed myself thoroughly! Thanks dear! Loves!

2 yrs plus, going 2 and a half years. Going to malaysia a few times, tis the first time, just the two of us, to KL. 16 Dec, after work, his mum came to fetch me from work, and we went to have Sakura Buffet for dinner. After dat, she sent us to Tanjong Pagar to board the train. I dint slp well...

We checked in to Melia Hotel on 17 dec. We reached KL at 6.30am. Thank goodness, they have vacant room, we checked in ard 9am, and slack till 11 plus. Hahaz... while people checked in ard 12 noon. After resting, we went shopping at Times Square. I seriously love the christmas decorations in KL, they are awfully pretty!

Darling brought me to Mines Wonderland. I dint know what is it abt. We had a tiff, but was over soon enough. I almost though he brought me to zoo, coz of the animals i saw there. But, when i saw the ice scupltures, i know, its my dreamland, that i had been wanting to go since young. Finally, i saw it, and they are damn nice. With all the colours and the nice designes, even have Olympics 2008.

18 Dec, we went to KLCC to shop. Bought my Mizuno shoes. Nice.... And then went to Times Square shop, and bought my Levis' Jeans. I bought alot of things over the two days. Gulity la boy. We also combed Sungei wang and BB Plaza.

19 Dec, slacked ard, bought boy's pants and off we go to KL Central to board our train at 2pm. We reached Singapore at 12 mid night. My butt went flat lah.

Tonnes of photos had been taken. Shall put them into a cd, and make into a video, for our memory to be kept intact.

Went to baby's hse to slp overnight, den went to work in the afternoon. Tml we are going to celeb huz n don's bdae. Sorri babes, i cant meet u guys,coz my colleagues bdae. Shall meet u gers soon.

KL trip is confirmed. Yeah! I am looking forward to it. Both of us are very happy these two days. Tml we are having a staff party at Yishun area, dear says he might come n fetch me. Thanks.

Hai, work tml.... Dun feel like going back work. :( The boy is having is guard duty now.. hope everything will be fine.

I am Happy! Thanks. Sometimes, i just felt, did u read my blog? Hahaz... I felt so calm today, no frustation, no irritation. The day is filled with laughter, smiles, on me n alvin. Happiness.

His POP today! He is happy, coz i fulfilled his another wish, to have his gf beside him for the POP. Congrats dear! Thanks, u made my day today. Or maybe my mood is good.

I m ordering the colour contacts from Korea. Hahaz, Fadilah, my colleague, was asking me why I am not wearing contact lens le. hahaz, she was damn happy when i told her the yearly lens is more worth it.

he says, he going to throw in 1k, for out KL trip. WOW, i m spending ard $450 for our accomodation and transportation. I doubt we gonna spent o much over there.

I am enjoying my two days off!

Bird of Paradise is when a bird even when he was in flames of love, there is no fear.... I long for the burning love again... And I will work hard, to achieve the feeling with you again.

Romance in the Air! My colleagues, my friends, are all happily in a rs, married or getting pregnant. My colleague at SCH is getting married, shall not say who here, coz i have to keep it a secret. Everyone is happy, but Eileen is not.

He asked me, when ever he asked me to pei him, i always need to go home early. I know you are reluctent to leave me, you want me to accompany you further. You think I do not wish to do so mahx? You asked me, y i go out with my colleagues can stay out late, but with you, i have to leave early. Whatever you want to think.

I wanted to go on off day with you, becoz i want to find back the deep love dat i had for you. I m happy, dat i have you, becoz you are a dream guy that any girl would want. But, I hope both of us will have a good time overseas.

I know i m rash, irrational, impatient, careless.... If you think, i m not worth being a good girlfrend, you can tell me straight, we can discuss. I m not as gentle as the girls out there. You made me feel so dejected last night.

I dont know how to tell u all these, coz i know we are bound to quarrel. Do you know you nvr think y i can go out with my colleagues late? becoz its after my work, so tis much easier for me to tell my mum. If i go out with u late, how am I going to tell her? like "mum, i m going dating today, so I m not going to accompany you tonight?" I dont know how to behave or how I should handle things.

I want to be happy, can I? Eileen is so unhappy..... :(

I hope the boyfriend will remeber to sort out our trip thingy. I gave up planning, and will leave the brain thinking part to him. Its good for the guys to make decision, so he will feel man, and will reduce the stress i m having.... *evil

Congratulations to Chee Yang, he finally got his dream girl. Hope things will work out perfectly well for them. i remember when I first saw him, and spoke to him, my impression was, is he a monk from the temple up the hills? 5 years w/o gf, how can dat be... Rare species, or maybe extinct. Opportunity costs, u gain some, u lose some. But this time, his gain is more than the lost, who knows, you might be back to Australia with the girl, which will probably makes you trip more worthwhile and memorable.

Maybe, my instinct is still working well after all. hahax, it depends if people are willing to listen or not la. Elaine, I told u before, kelvin is a good guy. You cant deny, that so many bfs u had, he is the one who can truly loves u, and treat u the best. Since things cant work out between you, i feel, friendship can still be maintained.

Don asked me today, for me to go sembawang. I immediately says i dont want. i hope they know, if they really post me to sembawang, i will serve my last mth there, and dats it. Coz i wont be happy there.

i want to watch the Golden Compass, and my dear wants to watch Alvin and the Chipmunk. Oh yes, talking abt the show, Jamie was laughing when i told her "alvin and the chipmunk", meaning, i m the chipmunk, coz my boyfriend is Alvin! haiyo... Not funny la, say i look like snoopy, den now chipmunk. I know I am getting fatter. Argh.

3 more days, to Mr Kok's POP.... Yeah! Finally. Happy and sad. Meaning no more going to Pasir Ris to fetch him, which seems like my weekly chore. Yet, happy coz he is done with his 3mths.....

Cab to his hse with his bunk mate and the girlfriend. I told him, i dont mind going out with his bunk mates, if their gfs are going. he told me, tml they going to play soccer, and the girlfriends are going, except me. :( okok, my fault again. Dats my job nature. I hope he can get used to it la...

Thanks dear, for sending me home. So long dint feel the special feeling le. :) Happy! I am an easily satisfied girl alright....

When u like someone, u will do things willingly for him, and some things dat u do, you will not let him know. That one sweet kiss melted your beautiful soul...

There was this period of time, dat i love him alot, yet he likes other girls.... everything is so different then. Yeah, u can say is I auto first de, anything.

The magical moments. Those hurt dat i had, i will nvr forget. However, i will nvr forget the care that u has given me. Although so many things happened, its ur care and concern that makes me agree to walk on this NS life with u. I hope u will treasure these time, as what will happen in future, i really dont dare to think.

I was remebered telling him, about my kindergarden friend, derrick, of whom i still kept in contact thanks to Royston. He was unhappy, as he nvr knew I has this guy friend who exist. I am glad to have known Derrick. Thanks friend.

Off today, slack at home till 2.30, den went driving lesson. Stupid weather, i progress damn slowly. Haiz. Directional Change, damn difficult :(. Without him ard, i have slowly overcome my fear of the lightning and thunder. Which means I will no longer snugger up to him when it comes to the rainy season.

My eyes is itchy and reddish today. Duno isit of infection, or isit some itchness. Shldnt be infection,as I haven been wearing contact lens since last month, unless, i sway sway got it from someone else.

Sad la, tml i alone AGAIN! Hate it sia, damn boring de. I want to watch the Golden Compass, Alvin and the chipmunk.... I wanted to watch The heartbreak kid, but sadly, its for those 21 years old and above only. Alright, I m still not yet an adult, so, i am not entitled for this.

My ibanking device finally arrived. This is my second time applying for it. I hope mummy dont throw it away again. She is still sick! :( I went home after driving,coz she is alone at home.

Time to wrap presents, for the wonderful christmas. Next up, its my sis and my mum's bdae on Jan. Haiyo, mummy's present I know wat to give her le. But sis de, I dont know yet.

Thinking thinking thinking..........

I m having all the negative feelings now, worried, unhappy, stressed, sad... My colleague just asked me, why I am having white hair at this young age. Partly, it is due to my chemically treated hair, and also the stress dat i been having.

Ok, i know i shldnt put all the blame on u, for educating me to have more responsibility. But, your words, made such a big impact on me, that i felt all the stress, for fear of making mistakes at work, fear of you being unhappy when i cant accompany you, fear of everything. its weighing on me. :(

Worried, coz mummy is very sick now. I m worried abt her health, coz i feel some negative thoughts abt this time she fell sick.

Unhappy and sad, coz he is at the 24km walk, coz his leg got injuries, den the stupid boy, went for soccer for 2 days during the weekend. I m unhappy coz he duno how to take care of himself. I nvr request u to pei me shop this week, even though i really wanted u to. Worried abt him, whther he can complete it safely or not.

I am stressed, i dont know how to plan for the days after ur POP. I know those 2 weeks are very precious to u, and i really want to accompany u, but, sometimes, i have no choice. I dont know how to put across to u, but, i m really feeling so stressed over everything.

Whats more stress was,Justin gave me a ring just now. I was surprised to see his name appearing on my phone. Haiz. he told me dat he has a gd news for me, but to me, its a bad news. He told me I will be promoted, coz he is resigning alrd. This is not a gd news! Meaning, i might be posted to sembawang! Just checked my email, omg, the woman, simply cant wait sia, sent me an email, asking me to reply a wedding enquiry. really got to be careful when handling with her. STRESSED!

I dont know what to do la, everything is so negative, my life is so down. Haiz. i want to be happy.

Sorry my ladies, if i cant go on 21st dec, pls understand ok, i will try.

Looking at the website now, coz i m bored. I felt the urge, to further my studies in the University of Adelaide. They did a good extensive research on the accomodation, http://www.adelaide.edu.au/accommodation/consider/. Maybe, i should consider..... How how how... Got to persuade my parents, and my boyfriend. Haiz... what to do

Pissed off! My phone is making my blood boil. The new phone, used merely 2 mths, it went crazy. First, its the paint, so I got to spend extra money to buy a case for it, den it is the dat when pple call me i cant hear dem, after dat is, i cant even hear the ringing tone when i call people. Next, its the screen went black and blank, and the whole screen even went inverted! I am damn angry with it, till i want to threw it on the phone.

Now, i m using my bro's old phone. not bad la. Still usable. The Samsung people says will help me repair for 3 to 5 days, and offered to redo the paint for me first time free. I hope they do a good job.

Just logged in to my face book account, wow, i got 29 people to approve into friends list.

Boy, sorry, my mood swing was bad just now. Thanks for the ben n jerry ice cream, that u used to make me smile :) happy!

Help! All my fats are going to my face! I got damn so chubby cheeks now. Bee says I look like chip munk now. Idiot!

Went to watch Enchanted with Alvin just now. It is a highly recommended show by some of my colleagues, even huzaini says its nice. But i felt bad, not attending sharon's son's birthday celebration. I made up for it, by making some balloons for the boy as deco, and chip in with clara for the learning laptop. Hope he enjoys himself, coz don already dint fulfill his promise for this little boy. I dont wish that he feel neglected, as someone gave him a hope, yet accomplish nothing.

Enchanted is just alright to me. The girl is pretty, and boy hopes i can be as gentle as her. hahaz. wait lor. Maybe, happily ever after, is not something practical, so i dont really enjoyed it.

I hope I can tahan, to still love him as much, coz my mood swing is really getting into me, and we are quarrelling so much. Sori, but my health is getting weaker, so i get angry and pissed more easily. Sometimes, I just wish, everything could go back to our education days. but, that is past, i got to move on. We promised to try to walk through the 2 years, i will definately put in my best.

I asked you, did u treat any of ur ex as well as u treat me now? You asked me, what do i think?

When u told me about Lena, that u felt guilty abt the way u had treated her, i understand how u felt. Thats y, I have been having this feeling, she is a great girl, you had let her down. I can feel she still loves u dat time, dats y i wanted to walk away from you, so that you can make up for her, to the harm that u had imprinted on her. I know the pain she is going through, especially, all of us are related to each other. However, its you who chose not to choose her. You had made the decision, and we got to be responsible, so we wont create another regret again.

Its not abt the gifts u showered me with, its not abt the quantity of time we spent with each other. Its about understanding each other. These few days, u told me, u were rather surprised i understandand know what u were thinking, even b4 u wanted to tell me. Ya i know. Its becoz i understands u too well, dats y sometimes, i fear for our future.

I really fear that we will go back to the pre NS days, where I have to hide in corners, to hide my fears, tirdness everything to myself. I dont know, everything is making me so confused, including my present and our future.

He is coming out later... yeah! Somtimes, i wonder, his POP is not even over, I still have so many more lonely months to carry on myself. I hope I can be better.

Its Christmas soon, then I have to think about my trip in feb, my boy's birthday, Vdae presents... OMG, seriously, how am I going to think abt the presents for him. What to give him? Ya boy, i know u will want to know what I plan to give you.

So soon, its your 21st birthday. i promised u before, i will pei u for the birthday. Your 21st leh, can tell me what you want? Xbox 360? New Laptop? New Portable Harddisk? or what?

I hope to make urs a special unique one.

I just received an email, from NP Sch of BA, from the alumni, class 2007 graduates gathering. Cool, its on the 8th Dec. i shall plan to see if I can make it. Cross fingers, I hope i can. pray hard! Shall see if boy is going or not.

I am watching a show now, underage teenage girl pregnant with her bf, and they left home to keep the child. Its a nice sad story. At least she is brave enough. I always admire these girls, at least, they never regret their decision. But the girl is so poor thing, the boy left her alone, and still says she is troublesom. Guys are always lidat, b4 marriage say one thing, after is another.

Working is damn tiring....I want to enjoy life! Chee yang went overseas today, Don going tml. My poor weekend... Lucky, initally wanted me to go meeting, den in the end dun nid to go.

I also want go overseas also. Haiz... Its damn hard. Cant even go for my salsa dance.

I had gotten permission from don, to do my laser operation again, in Jan 2008. Xav is kind to lend me his crutches, but, got his arm pit smells, eeee! But thanks man. At least, i dont need to hop ard the club or walk bare footed on the road. :)


I shall got redang with jov in Feb. She has a new bf alrd. Glad u have moved on. :)

I want to watch Enchanted! Hope i have got time.
I want my operation soon. My corn is killing me.

Although my boy dint celebrate with me, though i very much would like him to go through my 3rd birthday with him, but I still have an enjoyable day yesterday.

My besties, due to work and exams, are forgiven for not being able to make it. hey girls, u gers own me one.

My colleagues came, my sis's frenz came. Her frenz came, and lend me use the nintendo. Damn fun. I shall buy nintendo.

Thanks to those colleagues to attended:

Mr Sim, Ping, Clara, Rose, James Lim, Jamie, Chris, Huzaini, Jov, Don, Cheeyang, Uncle Stephen.

And my aunt, my parents who helped me in this. :)

Although Vin failed to give me a very big surprise, coz I guessed it, but my colleagues gave me some pleasant surprises. I love the camera vin gave me, though not the colour which I wanted, but, it is cool black.

Happy 28th mth, boy! Sorry, was damn busy ytd to talk to u very long on the phone. My birthday wish dat i made... was related to you. Hope it will come true.


Was browing friendster, saw comments from some friends wishing me. Thanks.

With all the food I ate, i felt so fat today. Ya, some people will sure tell me I m not fat, I just just meaty. With my girlfriends around, they always tell me, i m fat comparing to them. They weigh 40 to 41kg, height ard 154cm to 161cm lehx... i m surely fat in front of them. maybe its just the guy and lady defination of fat is different.

To a girl, meaty or with excess fats, is fat. For guy, meaty is just nice, excess fats is fat. my colleagues will sure say, i m not fat, when complain to them i want to go on diet. :( Hard to saw la. Even my boy says, i m fat. Ya, i m indeed fatter le, when i used to have flat tummy instead of bulging one, i used to have slimmed tighs and tonned arms.... Now i have thunder big ones and flabby arms. Sad
I shall replace my ibanking device, i really cant do without it, esp with all dat net shopping i do.

Loves!!! Wheet! So sorry dear, make u spent soooo much on my bdae gift. I dint ask for anything, yet u gave me something i wanted. Thank you.

My boy, gave me T70 for my bdae gift, though walking from 19 year old to 20 yr old is a very big step for me, esp without him beside me during the day, he gave me his best. Thanks. I dint want it, esp from u, coz its damn ex... I rmb my 18th birthday, u gave me the handphone. This year, the phone gave up on me, and u gave me a camera. You told me you wish that we can take many pictures together, leaving the footsteps and footpaths we had walked through together.

Tml the ladies are all damn so busy, sad. Haiz... nvm, shall enjoy myself with the siblings in the day after my driving, den i shall enjoy myself...

Was arguing with boy abt the material for a wife. he wans to overwork his wife! He expects her to cook uper nice food, look after her kids herself without maid or nanny, maintain the hse clean n tidy.... Oh well, get an overseas maid lor... easier still. We had swesens today. Saw Eric n Zulia at White Sands... Everyone is there, to send their bfs in, so i m one of the poor girls who has to deposit the bf with the govt for 1 week, to learn how to be a man and protect his country.

My colleagues will be coming down. lets see... and my aunts... Nights. Cheers to my last hour of my 19th year. I will grow up.

He is finally out tml. I hope they can let him out earlier, like ard 1pm, pls pls.... He has been very sweet, giving me nice smses, and my inbox is flooded with uber sweet stuffs. See, girls are easy to coax ok...

My eyes are sore red now, i hope it will be alright. And my stupid corn beneath my feet, pain sia. M right feet has abrasion. Pain lor... now i walk like a penguin, wobbling.

Elaine, u got to move on. Hope u r doing fine. We will be there for u, if u need us, dun keep everything to yourself. Rmb Andrew, when both of u ended, its he chose his ex over u. Jeffery with his ridiculous requests? Dont ever go back to him again. You will meet ur Mr Right soon.

Haiyo... I keep getting the same question the whole day today, from my kind colleagues. What you want fo your birthday. I seriously appreciate their offer, it is damn nice of them to have such thought, so but I only hope they will come and accompany me, thats all. i am a simple girl ok.

A couple of days more, to my 20th. the big 2. Dreadful. I want to remain as 19. :(

Ytd went concourse to buy stuffs with my colleagues, and we had steamboat from 8 to 10. Nice food alright. Nice companionship with Clara, ping, rose and don. Surprisingly, the ladies ate sooo much. Fat la, tell me abt dieting.

Haiz, look like to got to give up my salsa dance on 15th dec. :( But i scared i do not have time to go for the rest of my classes... I dont wish to drag my time, it has been my passion.

I am a lucky girl, with lots of food to eat. Yeah, if there is a heavyweight championship, i will top the female category. What i ate today:

Morning: bread with nutella, bun, calcium drink
Lunch: Mui fan (3/4), chicken soup, tibits, potong ice cream, turkey meat (thanks Steven)
Dinner: BBQ at downtown east with 2 chicken wings, 3 satays, soft drink, beehoon

How to not fat, when i eat so much. I will go on strict diet. 2 meals a day, breakfast and dinner. I hope i can do so sia, coz i will end up having lunch with my colleagues, coz they sure say i m not fat. But my face is seriously getting so meaty and rounder. :( super upset.

I want to sign up the salsa course on 15th dec, but, we have a family day on the date. Thinking to go on half day, but, not sure if my boss will allow or not. I really want to learn. Haiz.

Its nice to hear from frens whome u seldom met, telling you, hey i miss you! Thanks girls. These ladies had been very sweet.

My birthday list, ended up with most of my colleagues. Coz it is a monday, my aunts are invited, but they cant attend, coz, of my cousin's wedding the following day. Maybe i shall not go back work on 27th, since i m being told to work on 24th, hmph! My colleagues age range from 23 to 50 plus, whereby 40s and 50s are higher, so, i guess daddy is going to have a shock with pple of his age. Hahahz.

My pretty ladies are probably coming. Do come girls, i misses u gers, though we just met a couple of days ago. You girls got to show my colleagues, that i m fat, while the 3 of u are the perfect figure. Yes!

The list goes:
- Ping
- Clara
- Rose
- Steven
- Chris
- Jamie
- Don
- Chee yang
- Mr Sim
- Kristen
- Elaine
- Michelle
- Xavier

I m planning for my food now. Dont know which package to take. As usual, the indecisive me.

Oh yes, just now at downtown east, Jamie, Chris and I got hooked on a machine, that gives sweets and soft toy. Chris is a pro, she won 2 Stitch with less than a $50, while pple spent $35, but nvr get anything. And she also got more and 1 kg worth of sweets and biscuits. Damn fun!!!

Boy passed is IPPT today. Finally! So meaning no more RT, and he can accompany me longer in Sundays. But, he signed up for the drill competition, which means he cant call me in these few days. Asked him y he joined it, he says, for the coy, and the pride, and the balls. Basket la!

Whatever. Since his POP is on 12 Dec, i am planning for a short trip overseas or getaway with him.

Working for almost 12.5hrs on a sunday, is absolutely crazy, esp when i was working OT almost everyday for the past few days.... siao sia. Monday, ytd, was finally my off day. Went driving, almost had leg cramp, coz i walk too much during work, and went to thaiexpress with my ladies, den the birthday girl, kristen, want to drink, so we went to Kandi Bar, walking from esplanade to clarke quay, in boots. Drank Abosulte Vodka Kurrunt, and i got seh.... I left in an hrs time, while the ladies continued, coz the girls got no work n sch, while i got to drag my ass out of my bed the next day. Talk abt financial freedom ar, but i lost my precious freedom.

Elaine, your rs is the first case my instinct fail me. Maybe, we are not mature enough to handle the rs, or maybe, he is not good enuf tow at u deserve. Whatever the case, so long as u r happy. :)

I want to learn salsa. I told vin abt it, and he is jealous, coz i m goign to dance with other guys. Dancing is my fave since young, but due to my back problem, i stopped. I want to get rid of my fats and big bum, so dancing back for me again. I had signed up alrd, just hoping, my work load wun pull me too be too tired to dance. i want to dance when i m still young.

I need some exercise to keep myself fit again, yet lazy me, dont like to run, so, i shall dance. besides, i can wear the heels dat i love.

Damn tired today, i did a set up for a school with my poor colleague, coz the whole office only have 2 guys, other den the boss. my boss is down with cough, and he is damn shag, and the other one has exams. Oh well, i have nth to comment, just do what i shld do, den relax my day. My feet and back hurts. Alamak, i must have walked too much.

Argh, i getting fatter....Yoga for me please.

Before i forget, 26th Nov...

Add ins
- Huz
- Ping
- Rose
- Clara

Looks like, most of my colleagues going. Haiz, who ask my friends to be overseas, studying and working. Den my gor and his gf too shy to come.

I am tired. Hai. Dear, can u do guard duty for till the end of Decemeber. Its not dat i dun wan to see you, but, I really felt tired at times, having to meet u after work, den take a stupid 1.5hr bus to ur hse for u to change, den pei u half an hour, before i take a 30 min bus home. Pei u half an hr, and u will complain i spend too little time wif u, when i need to go home to rest, recharge. Haiz... I dun wish to quarrel with u always. Its straining between us, with my life and your NS life, making us mood swing, angry, uphappy etc. I just wish to be a happy girl.

Elaine n kelvin patched. Good news. The monsoon season is here, but my silly girlfriend, elaine, was saying that she wans to go Redang in these 2 mths. Crazy. I told her i m going, and we said that, the four of us will go there together someday.

Knowing each other since 13 yrs old, 7 yrs of perfect friendship, yet we dint go overseas together before. Mich, convince your daddy la, if not xavier go oso can. The most, the 8 of us go together, just ask kristen to get a bf lor. All of us love the sea, calm sea. I am lucky to be able to see it almost everyday. But, looking at sth nice, yet not with the ones I love, it is still nothing special.

I was reading a primary sch fren's blog just now, her sister, whom i knew, and doted her before, was sent to girls home. Haiz. Cant they just treasure their youth, and dun do funny things, dat you will regret, like how i have spent my past away.

Slping time. Cheers to better skin.

I enjoyed my off day throughly today. Yeah! I went for driving at 10.30, my fave instructor, so i enjoyed the lesson, despit of the stupid weather or rain and shine throughout the whole lesson. Den went to taka to meet my dearest elaine. She just changed her hp. It has been so long, since we went to town together, which was last christmas. And i have not been towning since so long.

Both of us, shopped like no tomorrow. I spent ard $100 today, she, spend ard $500, the shopping queen! I bought a book, costing $16.80 from kinokuniya, Holiday for Couples. I love the graphics in it. looking forward to travel, to all the wonderful places featured in the book. I shall carry this book whereever i go. Bought kris's present, shall not reveal yet, in case she read it here, but, the original price was $115 woah. Hope that lady will love it.

I lost my Romeo and Juliet book, and the Abraham's Promise. Was talking wif elaine abt our literature days, we are still loving it so much, and we nvr regret taking it as our major subject instead of Geography. Literature is such a nice culture, and she makes me feel regretful, dat i dint go for the Phantom of the Opera last yr. Haiz. Debra tan taught us well, and both of us did well, writing queen in our poly days, where we can write damn fast, every single word of what the lecturer said.

Mich and xav came to find us after xav's check up. Nice to meet again! I realise, when we try to arrange a timing, it wont work, if we have last mintue calling, it works. Elaine quarrel with kelvin, and he called me, after elaine refused to pick up his calls. Y is it that he cant understand wat she wans, instead of insisting that she wans a break up, was due to her intake of medication. I know elaine got mental health problem, which was partially caused by her ex bf. If u treasure her, u shld not presurrize her.

Dont feel like going work tml. I enjoyed myself today so much.

Updates to the birthday chalet:
- Jamie
- Mr Sim
- Cheeyang
- Don
- Justin (pending)
- Kristen (pending as Bryan is coming back)
- Xav and Mich (depending on their scheldue, likely to be on)
- Elaine (depending on her work, likely to be on)
- WH and Ken (pending)
- Pamela (pending)

hey people, let me know if u guys want to stay over, so i can make arrangements la. 2 weeks away, to my BIG 2. Rahimah's Bachlorette party upcoming.... Fun fun fun!

Although i misses u at times, but, when i say i hope dat u can do more guard duties now, it does not mean dat i dont wish to see u, It so happens i m too busy to accompany u, I do not want both of us to quarrel, to be unhappy or feeling damn tired, which will do us no good. Also, if u do the guard duty now, when u take ur block leave, we can enjoy, instead of u having to report back to camp. U might not understand y i m doing so.

Damn it! I almost almost almost want to lodge a police report, for the lost of my little green driving book. Thanks to her, she still can say, my impt stuff duno how to put properly. Hello! My last driving class was when u told me to start packing. And I put everything into a basket. Its U! Who starts to touch my things when i was working. Idiot la. Lucky sis told her, i usually put my driving book into the LuLu Australia pouch that i bought, and that woman, happily took it out from my sister's bag, which was thrown to a hole where only she, will know where it is. Damn it la.

So, the poor me, instead of having two driving classes tml, will have 1 lesson only. Wasting my time AGAIN! Nvm, i shall go shopping in town alone tml after driving. I need to destress. Retail therapy always works. Talking abt that, that woman told me, since u so rich now, can lose your book, so go do the police report and start all over again la! Starting all over again leh! She still says, my sis and i, inherited the mental problem, which was running in my family blood. Ok, i know my grandmother has it, a few of my cousins have it, if i have it, u will have it oso lor. So are u saying, all of us are mad? This is crazy. u made me panic like hell lor, imagine the effort i put in, was almost all gone.

Haiya, enough of venting. past few days had been fruitful, despite being busy and tired. 8th Nov is Kristen's birthday, 9th Nov was Jov's Birthday. Happy birthday, ladies!

10th Nov, Project Lighthouse, we worked till late. My back was killing me, damn pain like hell. But i got to keep on going. The fun part was, the end where everyone had a bit of toasting to the success of the whole event. Den, the guys got to help the guests to push a manual car, coz the battery went flat. First time to see such thing. Huz was funny, to explain y he dint run, coz he do not own a bludging tummy. Justin ran 2 rounds, Cheeyang go 1 round, huz went half round, don went 1 round. GM the best, he drove the car. Smart man! Justin send me home, but i brought him to went around. Haha, went the wrong way. Sorry sorry.

Today was damn tiring. After reaching home at 11pm for the project lighthouse, Mr Kok requested me to go his hse for breakfast with him at 7pm. As usual, I cant wake up, plus i got his sickness of cough, sore throat. I felt so feverish. So, i cabbed down to his hse, reaching ard 8am. We slpt for a while, eat while dat lazy bum pack his stuffs, den we cabbed to pasir ris, coz he is a slow coach in packing la. Stupid boy. Forever so slow.I felt so tired, due to my almost break out fever, so i took bus 88 home, slpt for an hr, den went to work without lunch. I told him, he is the luckiest guy in the world sia, gf sick oso go to his hse, accompany him, and i always pick him up when he books out, sends him in when he books in.

I popped 2 panadol extra strong today, to prevent the fever from breaking out, but my muscles and back are damn pain. Fantastic. Work was ok, doing calling. Don asked me, y i came work today. Alamak. Sometimes, i ask for half day, he will ask me, schldued ar. Today i dint request, he come asking me, why i report to work. Sian, shld have taken time off. but i have tons of stuffs to do.

I had 2 bottles of honey lemon today, which i bought from chinese medicine shop, coz my hse run out of the two ingredients, lemon and honey. My sore throat is better, and my cough is healed. But my fever is threatening to break out. So, i m drinking ginseng now, i hope i dun have fever.

Mich has been asking me, to celebrate kris belated bdae. yaya, i know. But i m dead beat, and no time la. Mummy has been asking me to go overseas, i oso want. But i dun wan to go wif the family, coz i know the outcome.

Don asked me ytd, if he resigns, what will i do. He told me, the other two, said they will leave. My answer to him is, since u are leaving, den y shld i stay. Isnt dat a direct answer? The reason y i m staying with this hectic job, is the envirnoment and the people here. If the happy pple are gone, happy days are gone too.

Mr Kok was saying abt my previous blog entry, of wanting a new bf for bdae present. I know he very sad la. Dint expect u to read my blog la. It was a joke. As long as u dont try sth funny, and dont say break up, my principle still applies. I dont break with people de. Yup, unless u want to break my heart for watever reason lor. So far, since army u had been gd and nice to me. But i hope, this will continue after NS. The boy, lost his gun in field camp, so confinement is expected la. So, u learn ur lesson.

I want to do eyelash extension. Yup, wait till i get permission from him first. I think i look nice is dresses, but, i m fat and i m not a gentle lady. So, shall build up on dat first.

I am getting weaker, keep getting sick, think its my lack of exercise, and shag, dats y my body is getting from bad to worst.

Today is a special day, everyone in the office, knocks off at 6pm. Exactly. Cool huh. Its seldom the case. I had Aijisen with family, our family dinner since ages.

I hope tml will be a better day. My hair is starting to curl. I am considering to cut it short. But when i look back at my secondary school photo, i look damn horrible den. Shld i? Or shld i cut short, den reborn it? Recommendation?

Happy Deepavali! And Happy Birthday to my dearest sister, best friend and buddy, Kristen! Happy 20th Birthday! After her birthday, it will be mine. I am the youngest among the four of us. Kristen and I know each other for 10 yrs le. We are only 20 yr old leh. See, we treasure our friendship.

Took half day today. Wore the expensive dress, went town meet boy. He made me pissed off with his dressing. T-shirt and shorts again, almost with slipper. If he wears slipper, i am going home. We watched "Game plan". Super nice! Lots of learning point, boy and i enjoyed it.

Had ben and jerry ice cream, yummy. Oh yes, I had fish and chip in the cinema. Out first trip to watch movie at The Cathay Cineplex. So kukoo.

After dat, he wans me to have dinner with his family, at Fish and Co at PS. Reluctantly, i joined them. Before dat, my heels are killing me. So, i bought the haivanas sandals, for $49.90. The one i have in the office, is turning yellow, so the new pair, i got it as black. I joined dem, and i ate very little. Sea Monkey freeze is not as nice as Jungle freeze. The bill comes up to $89. Uncle said its cheap. Whatever. Talking abt business again during dinner. Haiz, forever. But now, not abt the shoes only, also abt investing in Indonesia, and maybe Vietnam and Philipines for Bird Nest.

Tml, I m not going home. Going to spend the night with him. Coz he is very unhappy that i dun have time for him. Not like i want to. He even told me, he wished that i can quit my job now, to accompany him all day long. What to do. Haiz....

It is soo sweet, to receive replies from people whom I have msged abt my birthday. Whether or not you are going, thanks for the effort to reply me.

Received an sms from Adelaide, asking me wat prezzie i want, and dat she misses me. Woah! Dats damn sweet! I miss u too girl, we have not been towning together for very long. I hope dec will pass soon, so i will have my weekends back to see my girlfriends.

So sad i cant see her on my birthday, coz its monday. Damn it! Argh, i wishes to see her soon. Missing her like nuts. Ok, i m a lesbian alright!

Boy also put a smile on my face today. i was tired at work, staring at the computer, answering phone calls with people screaming into my ear (just dun understand y some pple cannt talk softly over the phone). His sms goes like this "If cant meet then I'll stalk u lor =p Go pop while u meeting client and disturb u while u doing set ups=D So... i think u better be able to pei me ah... If not u sure mah fan liaoz"

Sori la, i very busy mahx. Lucky I m not studying part time, arbo i sure go bonkers.

I was clearing my hp inbox... Since i m in good mood today, I was uber happy, when i read thru a poem he wrote " Baby ah... U damn cute sia... I Cant forget ur looks... Deeply engraved in my mind... Will use that memory to push myself thru the upcoming challenges. I'm ur star guiding u, and u're my fuel pushing me on. Only tgt, i think, can we move on in life =p" This was sent to me before he went to field camp. Although it is rather mushy, but it is very nice of him.

"Late at night when all the world is slping I stay up and think of u And i wish on a star that somewhere u are thinking of me too, yes I do..... Coz I'm dreaming of u tonight, till tml and for all of my life, And there is no where in the world i'd rather be, than thinking of u, dreaming abt u n me.."

Sometimes, when i really wanted to give up in this relationship, coz of all the orderal i have to go thru, all these msges keep me going on. He has grown up. He finally understands what i want. I need new memories of our rs, not just the old ones. And he did it. Thanks.

lala... I am a happy little girl for now. I hope this will last. no more tearing for me please!

Adds on to my birthday list:
- Kristen (pending)

Just log in to Erin's blog (gor's girlfriend), this is what she has wrote:

answer to eileen's question in her blog

hey ger ,i can only reply in my blog cuz yr have no tagboards!

haha ...you posted a qn in yr entry :"There was a saying that i heard before, a person with a strong front, is actually weaker in the interior. Is that true?"

well... i guess its true haha... well .. i've seen such ppl ... they put on a strong front because they dun wan ppl to see their weakness...on the exterior...

he/she may look so strong, so confident and all..ppl envy them but actually deep down its not like tt at all... they may have even lower self-esteem than others!

i guess they are just very particular abt how ppl will judge them... tt's y they put up a strong front ...they dun want ppl to look down on them ...more or less a psychological obstacle i guess ..wat's most important is ..

just be who you r ...nobody is perfect anyway..

I guess, I m like what she said. Someone weak in disguise. but i dont care. I will protect my friends and family from those who bully them. Lala, come confront me if you are not happy. Blahx!

Anyway, Erin, my blog has no tagboards, becoz so few of u know my blog address. If i put in tagboard, spammers will come and disturb. Nono, i want to have a peaceful little place for myself.

I am a happy girl today! Ok, after 26th, i shall no longer be a little girl. But like wat Yvonne said, being 20 yr old, will let the adults listen to you recommendations and all. I will grow up soon....

I am happy, because I bought myself a very nice dress for birthday present. Hahaz, sounds crazy, but, its seldom i can get such a nice dress, with the correct length, given my so short height. Total damage for today $100.

The dress can be used for office wear, if i decides to change my job. Hahaz, I am doing some planning le...Or for high class dining, or the dinner function. Yeah!Its just a simple sexy dress, that wont reveal my flabby arms, thighs or tummy.

Another thing that made me a very happy girl, is that my dearest called me. I was so surprised to see that I got missed call from him, so i returned his call immediately. His field camp is over, and he will be out on thurs... I thought his field camp till tml. Yippee, but i m very busy this week. I hope he can understand. Sorry dear, please understand, can? I also wish to accompany you as much as I can, but, sometimes, please dont give me pressure, if not it will not work for us.

This whole week, i understand y, girls will want to leave their bf when they are in NS. Its not because they do not love them anymore, but the feeling of waiting, and loneliness, makes everything change.

Current list of goers to my birthday celebration who had confirmed with me:
- Mich Chua
- Jamie
- Chee Yang
- Mr Sim
- Adelaide (pending)
- Junie (pending)

Jovelle said she working late. People executive woah. Justin is working also, so he probably wont be coming.

Dear, I am not sure if i shld call Pamela, WH, Tian Chai, Allen mah? Maybe u can tell me the answer. Coz i usually not very close to dem, i m only with them, when you are ard. Tell me please....

I want to get the colour contact lens, but fear that my new colleagues will get a shock. My besties and my poly mates are damn used to me wearing big eyes contact lens or colour contact lens when i was still schooling. Shall I?

Sister first day work. Hope she will be more independent.

I am such a pig. Planned to go towning today, ended up slacking at home. hahaz. My sprain in my ankle hurts. Haiz. I hope i can recover soon, if not I will have to take mc for a period of time.

I went to Hougang Mall shop, felt my head spin. I almost black out. Dint tell Vin about it. I hope he dont blame me from keeping from him. Just dont want him to worry, coz he is alrd very worried abt my sprain. The sprain is an old injury, so I kinda expected it. I am getting old la...

I finally get my 9 hrs of beauty slp. Though still not enough, but i think it is still better den nth. Got a compliment from a client today. Another happy thing, when i access the 'email'. :) Woohoo!

My dark circles and dark rings are getting worst, pimples popping out, lack of exercise makes me feel fat. i think i m in the worst state ever.

My Christmas wish: That I can be taller... I was looking at dresses, for my cousin's wedding. but all the dresses are damn long. haiz.

Vin is 165cm, and i m 155cm. Difference only 10cm. If 1 inch is 2.54 cm, i can only wear heels dat is 4 inch. Haiz... Boy, can u grow taller too?

Slacking at home... Gor and his gf will not be coming to the chalet, and they said they will treat me to a meal. Well, lets see if i have the time.

Erin was right that i put everything abt what i felt here. There was a saying that i heard before, a person with a strong front, is actually weaker in the interior. Is that true?

3 more days, and he will be out. I m very very very tired. OMG, nvr felt this tired before. Lucky he has field camp, and dint come out, if not i will be more tired looking after his demands to meet me.

Since the beginning of the week, except monday, i had been working OT and OT. Buying and buying, from puffs to stationeries, and working earlier or working later. Tired sia. Everyday is work and slp.

Nov is almost a dead period. Haiz. Sent out the smses to my invited guest list for my birthday. Hope that they can revert back to me by 15th Nov.

Watched "Rendition" with Don, Jamie and Cheeyang 2 days ago. Nice show, but it takes time to understand. Next show to target, "The Game Plan".

Body is aching badly. And i sprained my leg badly today. Again! So, i have to cancel my driving tml. Sad la. I intend to finish it asap de. Jamie was saying, how come these few days, when i was having 2 events a day, I seemed to be the only one who is doing. Well, we have our reasons. We do help each other, just dat liasing and all, the one in charge will know better. Everything was ok, except the walking around and stuffs, was terrible.

Today have project lighthouse. I reached my workplace at 7am, ended work at 6pm. Justin came over. Had a chat with him while the kids went out for sail. He claimed that he is the "Coffee Making Executive" at Sembawang. Apparently, he does the same as me. When he has an event, he goes in earlier, to make coffee and tea for them, receiving weird requests for hot, cold and room temperature water. Just like me. So, he was joking that he wans to make me the "Coffee Making Officer", coz this is what i had been doing for this whole week. He is equally tired, or more tired, as he had his assignments. Understand....

The kids are cute and adorable. They reminded me of Peijin's brother, who is one of these special children. And also, my primary school friend, yixuan's sister. When i was young, i was wondering, why the mum always bring the sister to school in a babychair, and she cant walk. I admire her perservance to study, despite her illness and being slow. However, when i heard abt the failure in the operation when i was Secondary 3, i was very sad. Yixuan hated her sister, for taking away her mum's time and love for her, but i remembered, at her sister's wake, she was crying, and i believe, she loved her sister.

Just now, when i saw these kids drawing, they reminded me of her, my eyes went watery. I admire those parents, who have the courage to give birth to them, loving them and caring for them. I can see their tiredness, yet their love for their children.

I admire the kids who have these children as their siblings, still loving and taking care of them, even though their parent's love have been given away.

Some of my dear friends and colleagues (ex and present), are asking me what i want for my birthday. Actually, what i want, you guys cant give. I wish that my family can understand me better, my sister and bro to be mroe sensible, and my parents to be less demanding and bias. I hope to have a friend, who can understand me. So, for those who are thinking, let me tell u the answer, just take care of yourself, and treasure what you have, and it will be a nice present for me.

Haha, my colleague asked me, when i went to have Mac with them at Tampines, what i want for birthday. He suggested a boyfriend. Hahaz. Maybe i should. Damn tired at times, but very tired of waiting for my bf to come out, to vent my unhappines with him. Whenever he is out, we will end up slping, I will tell him abt work, my family problems and all, while he tell me his NS life and all. Boring and no life.

The chalet, was my dream. I think my sis told my parents before. I remeber when i was 16 yr old, my cousin invited me to her chalet. She purposly chose my birthdate, when her birthday was 3 days later. I was damn unhappy that time. I told myself, i will have a chalet when i am 21, on her birthdate. Now, i dont see the need, as both of us had fell out. My siblings and i, dislike her.

For those who feel I am lucky to have my family planning for my birthday for me, I admit I am luckier than many people. But, the things that i went through about them, you guys will nvr understand. I appreciate their effort for this, but you guys will nvr understand, why i cant love my parents. I wish to hug them, or kiss them before i slp. But, i cant make make myself do that. I wish to talk to them abt my worries, troubles and problems. I wish to cry to them, instead of putting a strong front. For 20 years, my life is much luckier than many. At least i have a complete family, but the tears that i had in my heart, no one will knows how much.

Oh yes, i quarrelled with Aziz ytd. Over the two stupid tanks. I am damn tired, seriously tired. He asked whether he can put them in function room 1, i told him to call my boss. Calling is easier, den quarrelling with me. I was dead beat, and i have another room to set up, running out of time. A call from him, will settle his problem. He threw his tantrum at me, and change the place he wans to put it. He can always do it later, not like the Angels are closing at 4pm. F**k. And the function room was not ready that time, he just dont understand. I dont have time, dont have space, not enough manpower.

Dont irritate me when i m very tired. I went to Jimmy and start to tell him everything. He saw me being so pissed and i guessed he must be damn shocked.

Whenever i see kids, i feel like having one of my own. But when i see naughty ones, i feel like strangling them. Hahaz, guess, its safer that i dont have any kids. I used to hate kids, but now, i m neutral. I understand how the parents felt, after kaiyan had jorin. Jorin can be so adorable, yet very naughty. Sometimes, being parents, they love, yet have to educate, which is very tough.

But I also understand the kids feeling. Believe it or not, I used to hate my family so much, that i felt like running away from home, or even have suicide when i was very young. I cant take it dat time. Imagine, since 7 years old, i will have to experience such a thing. I have grown up now, i understand everything. But, 20 yrs of thing, you cant expect me to forget everything, of what they had done. I nvr felt love frm them, until these 2 years. I have been very much alone, keeping everything to myself. I even hated myself for my presence when i was younger.

I wish, tomorrow will be a better day. And those kids that i saw today, can recover, and get acceptance by the society, for them to feel more independent, and more love from the rest.

Its his first day to the field camp. I know him to well, he will not clear his bowels in the field camp. Hahaz. My dirty pigotong.

Tml is the Hari Raya party for the staff. Ironically, i heard most of the muslim friends are not going. Well, well. My colleague helped me borrowed a costume, which i dont know if i will fit, coz i m utterly fat now.

Busy busy busy. Running an event with losta of proposals is enuf, not to mention 2 at a time, with no guys to help, and with tons of telephone calls, problems here and there. Its damn freaking tired! There is no guy in the office today! Its like omg, how am I going to do the set up? Siao, but i survived la. I have got 3 more days to go, and my battery is half dead. Thanks to my family. I shall not talk to dem. Keep away from me!

From Erin: "to me..blogging is a form of releasing my feelings..... be it happy things.. or sad things.. or even things tt make me angry..blog abt happy things..is cuz i wanted to share it with my friends out there who r reading..i wan to share my happiness with them...as for angry stuffs.. i juz need a place to vent out all my frustrations.. sometimes things just cant be told..it will be disastrous...if were to say out certain things....it'll be like spilled milk... can't get it back...n i dun wan it to happen.. so.... i'll blog hahaha.."

I agreed with you, girl. I do that there do. Glad that gor made u a happy girl on your birthday night. My sad thing is, my wish to have my bf with me on my bdae night will not be fulfilled, as he has his NS. Haiz. I know you r reading this, so when am I going to receive the red envelope from u n gor? He is 26 alrd, time to get married la. Den i can call u sister-in-law. Hahaz.

My muscles ache, not to mention those backaches that i had. I guess my spinal cord has problem, since the fall when i was working last time, from the stairs. I shld have heed my manager's advice to see the doctor. Since secondary sch, every year I got to do checkup at hospital for my spinal cord till i was sec 4. Or is it, I am getting old?

Jov and i was chatting, and we wan to go Redang in Feb next year. Den i shall got china in April, and Japan soon.... I was quite surprised, both of us kick off well, understanding each other. Yippee... i hope the trip will turn out well, coz the girl had tension headache, and huz had alrd given her a false promise b4, i do not wish to disappoint my friend. She says $500 shld be enuf. Dats easy la, meaning for my China trip, i will have more to spend. Hope all these can be fulfilled.

I shall get my sony camera next mth.

I dont care if you are interested to know what i wrote in here. This is a place for me to vent my anger and stuffs. I know both of u took hard pains to bring me up, I understand, and I know the feeling of being a mum.

But, dont think i will need to rely on you for the whole of my life. Of all your kids, i m the most sensible. Who talks back to you the least? Who study through with you worrying?

Everything that i did, is all wrong in ur mind. Alright then, den u go ahead with your "fine" thinking, and forget abt my presence then.

Ytd, the two person, make us all clear up the room. it was agreed to be done in dec, not now. Please, it is just a couple of days, to my dreaded mth, Nov. I need my rest, and she keeps yaking away. Clearing is no issue, but her talking, oh, SHUT UP! You want to beat people, come la. Lets see who beat who. Fuck sia. Is not that i m filial, if you have this kind of freaking parents and family, it can really drive people crazy.

I dont like to scold vuglarities. But, i really felt like leaving home ytd, leaving everything behind, maybe i shld just leave this world, if not for a person, who loves me so much. Can you imagine, me crying for 2 whole days, just for the stupid family dat i have. Dont blame sis, if she ended up like me, not wanting to go home. At least, i have another home, if i want to run to.

I am off for 2 days, yet i got pissed for two days. The two fuckers idiot people. its really idiotic. Its not abt just my moodswing, but try irritating me. I m the most neutral and best attitude person in my family, but dun make use of my patience.

Went driving today, and i really enjoy the thrill. Actually I had two lessons, but due to ytd's night stuffs, it makes my eyes red and puffy, and my back problem comes back again. so i cancelled the morning lesson. Its getting more fun. I want to complete soon.

Vin and I have agreed, to start saving to tour Japan for 2 weeks when he finish his NS. he says he will pay for my air ticket, and I am suppose to pay for the expenditure there. Its like, i rather the other way, hahaz.

And i will go taiwan with him. So, for march and april next yr, I will be going China in the Summer. Which part, let me do some reading first bahx.

Working tomorrow.... So boring.